Sunday, March 8, 2015

the one where i woke up

have you ever woken up and can't exactly remember how you got where you were?

...

in a few hours, it'll be the second anniversary of when my (now ex) husband told me that he was leaving our marriage. i spent so many months mourning the loss of that life, a life that now seems so foreign and cold, that today it is hard to understand exactly why i was so heartbroken.

that sounds horrible. the end of a marriage IS something to mourn, regardless of how happy or unhappy it was. disrupting the lives, the normalcy, that our children had because of reasons they will never fully understand...that is something that is worth mourning. having to explain to my five year old son why daddy no longer lives with us, why he has a different house, is a conversation that i have had to have more times than i can bear. that is worth mourning.

...

i was talking to ryan a few days ago, and asked him if he ever thought a year ago that his life would be where it was today. of course his answer was no; who could imagine that within a year of meeting someone you'd not only be engaged to be married, expecting a child, and acting as a step-father to two little boys?

yet he has opened his arms to us so graciously, providing for us without a second thought. he's gone to school events, birthday parties, family gatherings...just because he loves us.

just because he loves us.

...

sometimes we sleepwalk. just going through the motions of life because that is all that we are capable of doing. living in a fog because living any other way is just too much.

then one day we wake up, miles away from where we thought we were going to be.

and it ends up being a better place than you could have ever imagined.

1 comment:

Kim J said...

When we are living those hard foggy days or years, it seems like you will never be happy again..never love or be loved..you wonder "why me? What did I do so wrong that I'm being punished?" Then one day the sun starts to shine again and we begin to live again. It does happen and we DO deserve it. Without the rain there would be no flowers. Welcome to spring..enjoy your new family..your new love..you deserve it.