Saturday, April 28, 2012

untitled.

so, i’ve been absent from my blog for a while. and it’s been purposeful because i hadn’t (and still haven’t, honestly) figured out clear, concise way to explain my absence other than the following word:

anxiety.

my social anxiety, while i hate it, is manageable. what started happening several months ago, the OH MY GOD WHY CAN’T I BREATHE panic attacks…those were becoming more and more common. and that’s always fun. my triggers were generally related to work. i found myself locking the door in the restroom at work, sliding along it and unto the floor in full, blown out panic attacks at least weekly. and truth be told, the bathrooms at work are VERY STINKY.

i kept it to myself until i had a particularly bad episode one day in february, texting john that if things didn’t get better soon i’d need to go to the doctor. i decided to do a total lifestyle overhaul; eliminating things from my life that drove me to the edge, changing my diet to a cleaner, healthier way of eating, and starting a consistent exercise regiment. if i didn’t start feeling better after several weeks, i’d go to the doctor to discuss other options. when john got back from his month-long training in charleston, sc at the beginning of march, we jumped right in.

and it’s working, so far at least. i’m feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally. i’m not saying that it has been easy. and i’m not saying that i haven’t experienced any more panic attacks, because i have. but they are less frequent and less intense than they have been in the past.

so…that’s why i’ve been absent. there’s a sort of shame involved admitting that you are more or less on the verge of losing your shit all of the time. because that’s a great party trick, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love you Wendy!!

Ness said...

Good for you Chica. I continue to be amazed by you.

Jordy Liz said...

i have experienced panic attacks for eight years now, so i can truly say i know how you feel. and i have locked myself in our office bathroom, too...

when you're in it, focus on breathing through your nose so your breathing regulates. and if you ever need to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to email me! hoping it gets much better soon. :)