it crept up on me so suddenly that it made me dizzy.
no, really. dizzy and nauseous to the point i was cutting mean eyes at john BECAUSE SO HELP ME IF I’M PREGNANT AGAIN THERE’S GOING TO BE WORDS. dizzy and nauseous like i was in second grade again, riding in sarah applegate’s van to camp noark. you know, the time i puked all over while on the highway while in my brownie uniform and had to ride the rest of the way with my mom and the camping supplies? dizzy and nauseous like that time at the grapefestival, riding the gravitron, the sheer g force pressing your body against the wall (and up. you literally were off the ground).
but it wasn’t ANOTHER SURPRISE BABY, a windy road in the ozarks, or a now-outlawed carnival ride.
it was my eyes.
i walked into the eye doctor, thinking i just needed to update my prescription, get some readers, something like that.
i left $86 poorer and a pair of bifocals on order. with my name on it.
bifocals. really? i mean, dude. i’m still three weeks (ATLEAST) shy of my 27th birthday. I STILL USE THE WORD DUDE. i shouldn’t be waiting after hours at the eye doctor so i can pick up my bifocals.
but then i put them on. and seriously man, things got sharper. crisper. not blurry. i was suddenly not dizzy or nauseous anymore.
and they’re puma, obviously highlighting my physical prowess.