it was the sort of sermon that made me so uncomfortable because i know it’s something that i struggle with so completely.
not that i don’t have love, experience love. i do. but God’s love, the love that Jesus shared and compels us to show…it’s not easy. the love of Jesus is about intentional service and real humility.
crap. humility. serving others not because we get something out of it. stepping outside of ourselves, our wants, our needs…humility makes us vulnerable. and when you’re vulnerable? you can get hurt. uncomfortable.
a couple of weeks ago i disagreed with a facebook “friend’s” status. and the end result was that i was called dumb and i’m fairly certain deleted as a “friend”.
i get these sort of spam-ish emails that have words of wisdom…basically just quotes to get you thinking. sometimes they’re religious, sometimes they’re not. but they do get you thinking. that day? that day when i really, really, really wanted to go off on said person? this was what was waiting for me in my inbox that same morning:
“if you prayed as much as you complain and quarrel, you’d have a lot less to argue about and much more peace of mind.” – rick warren
ouch. i was lacking love. and prayer.
it’s hard to realize something that you struggle with, something that shows your heart what it’s lacking.
i’m on a mission. it started with a small seed a few weeks ago, and today it got some extra tending. i want to show God’s love to everyone, even when i really would rather pass. i want it to be genuine, to be unrestricted, to just overflow.