Friday, March 11, 2011

in which i get stuck in a bathroom stall

like every other pregnant woman in the world, i have to pee about every 15-20 minutes. actually, i can pee on command (which comes in handy for doctor visits).

on thursday they had an ice cream sundae bar at work. i’m not sure if you just saw that, but there was AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR WITHIN FIVE MINUTES WALKING DISTANCE.

so after lunch i hustled my way through our clinic, rode an elevator down 7 flights, and started speed walking through corridors and entry ways and waiting areas to GET TO MY ICE CREAM. however, around that 6th bend in the hall, it hit me.

mama gotta pee.

luckily, i was approaching some bathrooms in the hallway of the hospital. while i never have actually used these before, i’ve seen little old ladies wearing salmon colored jackets go in and out like worker bees, so i figured i’d be good to join the fun.

i opened the smaller than regulation size door to the bathroom, which i should have taken as a sign. the bathroom, clearly from like, 1954, was just a two-seater. i crouched down to make sure that both the stalls were empty (so i could have my pick) and opened the door.

only the door, opened as far as it would go, allowed me to scoot in just enough that HALF of my darling baby bump was being cut. like, i couldn’t get into the stall. my belly was preventing me to pee. but the pressure of the stall door was forcing me to REALLY NEED TO PEE. i finally sucked in as hard as i could, and just took the pain of scraping my growing belly across the door.

after doing my business and getting resituated, i realized that i now had to figure out how to get OUT of the bathroom stall. because, you know, the door swung INWARD. of course. after much thinking and plotting, i managed to maneuver BEHIND the actual toilet, open the door, and get out.

it was totally a fat man in a little jacket feeling.

but that ice cream sundae? totally worth it.