Sunday, February 27, 2011

bad attitude

this morning i woke up, and it wasn’t pleasant. i was immediately grumpy, frustrated, and hateful.

i was frustrated at my husband for having a social life. for still being in bed. for coming in later than i would have liked. for him riding his motorcycle and then having to turn back around on the way to church because it started to rain.

i was frustrated that jonas was whining. that he was throwing a tantrum because i wouldn’t let him use my hairbrush. that he had been increasingly acting out the past couple of days. that he was, you know, was acting like a toddler.

and then there’s the dog. who sheds. and was barking outside at something (a neighbor dog, maybe). and you know, acting like a dog.

i wish i could blame it on the additional rush of hormones flooding my system since the end of october. because it’d be really easy just to sweep today and my horrible attitude during the first half of it under that rug. in fact, pregnancy is a great time to make excuses for yourself. really wanting another piece of cake? blame it on the fetus. want to buy a new pair of shoes? say all of your other ones are uncomfortable. need to use the restroom, again? well, okay. that one you can blame on carrying a kid in you.

in reality, there’s nothing you can do but look at yourself really carefully. inspect the pieces and parts of you that you really would rather ignore. own up to WHO you are, and move forward.

so after finding out john had to turn back home this morning because of the rain, and realizing that jonas was passed out in the backseat, we headed back home, too. i put jonas in his bed where he cuddled with his blanket and zeusy, and went back into our room and laid in bed with my husband, snuggled up and drifting back to sleep. and when i woke up?

it was like i got to start over. and for that i’m thankful.

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