Sunday, December 18, 2011

tiny driver

over the past few weeks, jonas has started to become the world’s tiniest backseat driver. from commenting on how fast or slow you’re going to being cautious around other drivers, we’ve heard it all. and don’t get me started on the 10 minutes of WHAT WAS THAT NOISE, MOMMY? after you accidently hit the grated side of the bypass.

but of all of the rules of the road, his favorite has to be traffic lights. a quarter mile from a visible red light will result in STOP, MOMMY, STOP! THE LIGHT IS RED until you actually stop the car. when the light turns green he commands us to GO, MOMMY, GO! jonas will even tell us to SLOOOOOW down when the light turns yellow. he’s steadily becoming more maniacal with this newfound authority, the road rage building as we sit at red lights because COME ON GREEN! WE NEED GREEN!

i know that we joke about it, but i’m actually impressed by his knowledge of things i didn’t realize he was learning. kids grasp on to things, sayings, tidbits throughout the day when you least expect it.

when i was in first grade, our class went on a field trip to the mall to see a vehicle safety exhibit. in my seven year old mind, it was amazing. there were police officers from around the area, different learning stations set up, and vince and larry were even there. i loved every second of it. at one of the learning stations a police officer asked our class if we knew what colors meant what on traffic lights. the answers for the red and green lights were quickly shouted out, but no one was saying what the yellow light meant. after he asked us again what a yellow light meant, i raised my hand and said, “it means to make up your mind!”.

which if you’ve seen me drive, you know is true. this is probably why i failed my driving test the first time. which means it’s just another thing i can blame on my parents. jonas, are you taking notes?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

the future.

 

i think that every generation needs it’s next sleazy car salesman and 35 year old still living in his mother’s basement, respectively.

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world, you’re welcome.

Monday, November 21, 2011

old yeller

this past weekend we watched the iron giant as a family. i’m going to be honest…i have never watched this movie before, and only picked it because it had a giant robot and to jonas that means THAT’S A BIG ROBOT, MOMMY. MOMMY? SEE THE BIG ROBOT? BIG ROBOT!!!!

so we’re sitting there, enjoying the movie when i can tell it’s taking a definite turn south. i mean, c’mon…there’s a missile headed for the city and one of two things are going to happen (and i’m desperately hoping that the robot makes it free and clear). i cut my tear-filled eyes over at john and tell him that THIS BETTER HAVE A HAPPY ENDING as the robot closes his eyes to await his kaboomesque fate. and all john can do is say REALLY? IT’S A CARTOON ROBOT. 

i’m not going to say that my family sheltered me from sad or scary pop culture things while i was young, because that’d be an outright lie. i mean, what about the time that my dad waited for my mom to pull out of the driveway before he sat me down to watch saving private ryan? or that time that he rented the shining for me, not realizing that while i had watched it before, but the tv version is HIGHLY edited.

now that i think of it, maybe everyone EXCEPT my dad sheltered me.

when i was 14 or 15 years old, we watched old yeller at my grandma’s house. i had watched the movie a dozen times before, but when that gun shot rung out i was completely shocked. apparently i had never seen the last part of the movie, and before that day could never understand why people would remark that it was such a sad movie. either my grandparent’s turned it off before it got to that part, or i fell asleep. i found myself bawling because OMG WHY DOES TRAVIS HAVE THAT GUN! NOT OLD YELLER!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

the spotlight shines so bright

the summer i was eight years old, sandwiched by the youth of second grade and the impending maturity of being in third grade, was stellar. besides the usual summer affairs of a child in the south, my family also visited family in southern california.

we crammed as much as possible during that week or so of vacation. we went to disney land and rode the tea cups. we watched the fireworks every night from my great aunt’s back porch. i saw my favorite hollywood star’s names in their stars on the boulevard, and put my hands in maryiln monroe’s. heck, we even ate at our first olive garden, and experienced totally smoke-free dining for the first time.

i didn’t have many expectations for the vacation…except for one. the minute we pulled into the parking lot of universal studios i had only one thing on my agenda.

i was going to be discovered.

maybe it was hearing the story of lana turner, maybe it was all of the sun, or maybe the motion sickness patches i wore on the boat ride out to see the queen mary. all i know was that i was certain that some big time hollywood producer would be walking around the park during a break in filming the next thriller and they’d find me,

charming, dazzling, talented me.

i have to admit, i was basically a triple threat. i could sing, i could act, and i could dance. i had stunning good looks and a sharp wit. i was the quintessential disney dream. so once we got into the park, my big plan began.

for starters, i had to look mature. i needed to pass for at least 11 or 12 so i could straddle both the child and young teen roles. and mature people? well, they sure aren’t walking around universal studios with their parents and grandparents. no. that wouldn’t do. i wasn’t going to let me parents hold me back. so while walking down the streets of the theme park, i kept a solid three foot barrier between my family and myself. three feet was the perfect distance. enough to look independent, and close enough to not get stolen.

BECAUSE WHO WOULDN’T WANT THIS, AMIRIGHT?

the second factor into my plan to stardom was my smile. i had practiced before leaving arkansas, and by the time we hit california i was on FULL SMILE ALERT. so much so that my cheeks strained, leaving my face pinched and sore.

the third and final step in my plan was to draw attention to my superior acting abilities. dramatic, grandiose hand gestures, over the top laughing, and model-esque poses filled every spare second. unbelievably, after a full day of experiencing universal studios, i left undiscovered.  i was completely defeated. my big break had come and went, and i was staring a life in arkansas straight in the face.

looking back on my experience there, i’m sure my parents were completely THRILLED at my behavior that day, making sure that there was at least three feet between us.

when i watch jonas, a ham in his own right, on his own little stage, i can’t help but smile and think of where he gets it from.

HIS FATHER.

Friday, October 7, 2011

for a rainy day

tonight jonas grabbed part of my manual pump, put it to his chest, and pumped.

he looked at noah and said…

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“you want to eat from my booboos, noah? want me to feed you?

i’m just going to file this one away for a rainy day. you know, when he’s 17 and being mouthy in front of his friends.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

you’ll have to speak up, i’m hard of hearing

it crept up on me so suddenly that it made me dizzy.

no, really. dizzy and nauseous to the point i was cutting mean eyes at john BECAUSE SO HELP ME IF I’M PREGNANT AGAIN THERE’S GOING TO BE WORDS. dizzy and nauseous like i was in second grade again, riding in sarah applegate’s van to camp noark. you know, the time i puked all over while on the highway while in my brownie uniform and had to ride the rest of the way with my mom and the camping supplies? dizzy and nauseous like that time at the grapefestival, riding the gravitron, the sheer g force pressing your body against the wall (and up. you literally were off the ground).

but it wasn’t ANOTHER SURPRISE BABY, a windy road in the ozarks, or a now-outlawed carnival ride.

it was my eyes.

i walked into the eye doctor, thinking i just needed to update my prescription, get some readers, something like that.

i left $86 poorer and a pair of bifocals on order. with my name on it.

john laughed.

bifocals. really? i mean, dude. i’m still three weeks (ATLEAST) shy of my 27th birthday. I STILL USE THE WORD DUDE. i shouldn’t be waiting after hours at the eye doctor so i can pick up my bifocals.

but then i put them on. and seriously man, things got sharper. crisper. not blurry. i was suddenly not dizzy or nauseous anymore.

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and they’re puma, obviously highlighting my physical prowess.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

ten.

it was just an average tuesday.

early that morning, our junior class had attended the college fair. row after row of college representatives from the surrounding area passed out free pens and t-shirts, trying to get new "recruits".

and so we went, table to table, and gathered all of the free stuff. i mean, i had no intention of attending the college of the ozarks, but hey, a free pencil sharpener never hurt anyone.

after our goodie bags were filled with loot, we all began to part ways, going to our next class. my boyfriend and i walked, hand in hand, plastic bags swaying with each step. he dropped me off at my class, stealing a quick, innocent kiss. and i walked inside, closing the door behind me.

i sat at my computer in my graphic design class, the only girl in the room. it was an ordinary day, creating pretend ads for a class project. one of the boys looked down at his hidden cell phone, and then quickly stood up, walking across the classroom. as he turned on the tv, he interrupted our teacher's reprimand by saying, "we have to watch."

and that's when we saw it.

one of the world trade center towers in NYC had been crashed into by a plane. how tragic! it was obvious that the plane could have no survivors. we commented back and forth of how strange it was that a plane would fly into one of the buildings--there must have been some sort of freak technical accident. the pilot must have had a heart attack. something like that.

while we looked at the screen, we watched the plane hit the tower. but this re-play looked different than the other ones. and then we realized that it was a second plane. hitting the other tower. and that this was no accident at all.
we watched in silence. we watched as the plumes of smoke stretched across the sky. we watched flames licking the sides of the buildings. and then we watched as each tower crumpled.

it was then that i realized we had all lost our innocence.

the rest of the day was a blur. we went to class after class, lugging around our now oddly heavy bags of college paraphernalia through the halls, with looks of worry and tears on our cheeks. by this time, we had all heard about the third plane hitting the pentagon and the fourth crashing in pennsylvania.

the size of the classes got smaller and smaller through out the day, parents uncertain of what else would come. in some classes we sat and watched the tv in eerie quiet. in others, the tv was muted, and we talked about our feelings of confusion, despair, mourning.

it was then that i realized our lives would never be the same.

it was just an average tuesday.

ten.

ten years have passed since that time. you can ask any american, and they can tell you exactly where they were at, what they were doing, who they were with when they heard about the attacks.

ten. only ten years.

it seems like yesterday.

Monday, September 5, 2011

the boys

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i go back to work starting tomorrow (NOOOOOOOOOOO!), so here are just a few updates on the boys:

jonas:

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-has been stringing together more and more words together (his verbal skills are pretty impressive :) )

-likes to make decisions

-has great imaginative play

-is currently spending his first night sleeping in his toddler bed

-most likely is red-green colorblind

-told his papa yesterday that he had to peepee in the potty…and then did!

-may or may not have to wear size 4t pull-ups and underwear because he’s a little thick in the booty (like his dad. har har.)

-has become more affectionate lately, giving hugs and kisses (and that makes for one happy mommy)

 

noah:

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-still sleeping in mommy and daddy’s bed (which will probably change this weekend while john is out of town for drill)

-can take a bottle well, but prefers it directly from the source

-is a bit of a mommy’s boy

-is a lot smaller than jonas was at this point (but well…he was a lot smaller to begin with :) )

-is a little gassy, but usually is okay. he had a HUGE gassy fit yesterday with pretty much non-stop crying for 5.5 hours. that was fun.

-is adored by his big brother (and is usually a large topic of our conversations. “where is baby noah?” “baby noah is crying.” “baby noah wants a french fry.” “baby noah, STOP CRYING!”)

-loves to watch jonas. like, he’ll track that little dude down in a room and just be still watching him.

it’s going to be hard going back to work tomorrow. from adjusting to the new schedule to being away from my boys…i’m just not looking that forward to it. on the other hand, i really love my co-workers and job (and having adults to talk to during the day is going to be a big perk!), so i know it’s going to be just fine!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

lord of the manor.

it started out innocently enough.

whenever jonas would eat something he really liked (like m&m’s), he’d eat them one by one until he got down to the final two. and then he’d pick one up in each hand and shove them as fast as possible into his mouth.

and it wasn’t just with food items that he coveted his ownership. if he had a racecar, he’d rather have two. if there was a golf club in one hand, he’d want another one for the other.

and then it started to get ridiculous.

his memory began to get better and better. a toy that he had been playing with before bedtime the night before was the object of all obsession the following morning. he’d run into one grandparent or another’s house demanding the toys he played with weeks ago.

this morning he insisted that he bring four puppies, one towel, one green train, and one green tow truck downstairs. i tried to rationalize with him, saying that we needed to leave something upstairs.

it’s impossible to rationalize anything with a two-year old, by the way.

so here he sits with one towel, four puppies, one green train, and one green tow truck, looking over his empire like a pleased king.

Friday, August 19, 2011

methinks

that these two little boys may wind up looking an awful lot a like.

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noah at 4 weeks

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  jonas at 4 weeks

love.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

in which i panic

on sundays after church you can usually find us at my grandparents’ house for lunch. it’s sort of a family ritual; we gather, we eat, and we watch jonas exhaust himself completely.

so like every other sunday, jonas, noah and i made our way from church to southeast fayetteville. when we stopped at the intersection of mission and crossover, jonas started to cry from the backseat. apparently one of his racecars somehow made its way down the leg of his shorts—it was hot and it was hurting him. so i put the car in park, and sort of stretched all of the way out there. i fish the car out of his shorts, and all is well.

sort of.

in the process of working my way to the backseat, i managed to lodge my left pinkie toy under the plastic molding that’s in the corner by the door in the car. it was starting to hurt REALLY bad, and while still at the red light, i tried to get it out.

but it was stuck. really stuck. with the light turning green, i put the car back into drive and knew that i had to change lanes and get pulled over asap. the faster that i drove, the more pressure was put on my toe. all i could see were snippets of the news story:

MOTHER OF TWO LOSES TOE IN CAR

and

MOTHER OF TWO DIES FROM TOE/MASSIVE BLOOD LOSS WHILE IN CAR

i finally was able to change lanes and pull over (after waiting for a cop to pass me because all i really needed was to be pulled over, too). i threw the car in park, unbuckled, and wedged myself under the steering wheel where i was able to pop my toe free.

it was numb for like 10 minutes, but i’m happy to report that full toe-function has been restored. which is really for the best because i don’t think they give discounts on pedi’s based on how many toes you have.

Friday, August 5, 2011

a whole new world in snippets

today jonas patted my (clothed) boob and told his great grandparents that “Baby Noah really likes snacks”.

which, while completely true, i’d prefer not be announced aloud.

john left about an hour ago for his first drill weekend since noah arrived. which means that i’m experiencing being home alone with a almost two and a half year old and a two and a half week old. and a dog. who is odd at best.

so far we have had one mexican stand-off regarding my dinner selection for jonas (in which he won, and is now eating a pb&j sandwich and applesauce.), a gassy tummy baby, and an emergency wash down/strip down after said pb&j sandwich.  oh, and now there’s one naked toddler trying to ride one  unhappy corgi.

i (possibly foolishly) have plans in my head of getting out and about with both boys tomorrow alone. i’m trying to just remain blindly optimistic at this point and would rather you just follow along with that.

netflix may or may not be my hero. not only do they have a larger, better selection of kids’ shows, but it also means i get a much needed respite from gumby.

that  green clay jackhole.  

help. me.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

luck.

a couple of weeks ago john and i (and our two spawn) were able to spend time with some of our friends.

john went to college with these guys, as well as roomed with them throughout the years in various combinations. that last year for the guys’ undergrad found 5 of them sharing a 4 bedroom house (and 3 lovely girlfriends mixed in). it was honestly a great time to grow and learn more and more about them as individuals, as couples, and as lifelong best friends.

while we were at one of their houses, i couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky we have been to have them in our life. they celebrated with us when we got engaged, stood up with us while we exchanged vows, watched us stumble and succeed as we became parents for the first time with jonas, and now gathered to welcome noah.

and as the guys rolled around in the floor with jonas, excited to see what new things he’d say or do…watching them be so loving and gentle with our sons and the girls held noah, giving him quick kisses, it sort of hit me how incredibly blessed we have been. they love our children as if they are their own, and for that we could never be more grateful.

we are so very excited that both jamie and sarah as well as zach and carole have such sweet blessings on the way. we cannot wait to meet baby girl stallings and baby rose!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

because you can’t deny genetics

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who needs to waste money on dna tests, anyway?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a big boy day

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while john and i are both off, we want to make sure that we spend time celebrating jonas. there are some things that only john can do with him (like swimming and the splash park), but today we decided to go to the gentry wildlife safari.

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jonas had a blast looking for the animals as we drove around the grounds, and especially loved the “close encounters”. to be perfectly honest, i couldn’t tell who was more excited about animals approaching the car-john or jonas. all i’m going to say was at one point a certain 6’2” person was practically laying on top of me to try to reach the camel who was at my window.

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a tip for those who go through the safari: don’t have trash in your truck bed. or, make sure you’re not behind the truck with trash in the truck bed. because camels really, really enjoy foot long cheese coneys from sonic.

photo (19) camels fighting over a cheese coney.

and yeah, we saw more animals than just zebras, camels, and the scary birds THAT ARE EVERYWHERE.

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after the drive-thru portion, we refueled on popcorn and juice in the car, and then headed off to the petting zoo portion. jonas absolutely loved it! he got to pet goats and pigs, and chased after one uninterested sheep. after bathing in hand sanitizer, we headed home for (long) naps.

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we know that jonas wont remember these trips, but still feel that its important that he gets to have fun and experience new things during this weird transition from being an only child to having a sibling. we want him to feel special getting to do “big boy things” and having fun with mommy and daddy.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

transition

like most parents expecting their second (or third, fourth, etc) child, i was afraid of the transition that jonas would experience. i was afraid of jonas being extremely jealous. i was afraid of him being resentful towards us because of noah.

on sunday afternoon we left jonas with his great-grandparents so that we could head to the hospital. as we pulled away from the house, i could see the confusion and sadness on his face because he wasn’t going with us. and then of course i cried (like, UGLY cried) for a mile or two. john asked me what was wrong, and all i could get out between sobs was “feel so bad… jonas life changing forever… has no clue…”.

john tried to reassure me that it was all going to be okay, and i think he was trying to hold back a giggle.

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when jonas first met noah, i was nervous. i was hooked up to all of these iv’s, stuck in a bed, holding a baby that was sure to rock his world. i could just see a huge meltdown, complete with throwing toys and possibly a toddler-sized middle finger being waved around in my face.

i couldn’t have been more wrong.

jonas LOVES noah. actually, Baby Noah. when Baby Noah cries, jonas will let us know that Baby Noah is hungry and that Baby Noah needs some french fries. he will tell Baby Noah that it’s okay, not to cry. he likes to hold Baby Noah’s hand, and loves to watch Baby Noah in his Baby Carseat.

(i think noah may be known as Baby Noah until he’s sixteen).

we’ve been trying to let jonas have free reign over noah, letting him touch him and hold him when he asks. while we watch over him while he’s around noah, he has been nothing but completely sweet.

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who knows how long this will last. i hope, and feel deep down inside, that jonas and noah will always be friends. jonas will never remember not having a little brother, and i’m grateful for that. being able to give jonas a sibling is one of the greatest gifts we could, and i’m so excited to see them grow up together.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

noah james, an introduction

we arrived at mercy medical at 5pm on sunday, july 17th to begin the process of a scheduled induction. after speaking with our doctor, it was decided that we really wouldn’t even begin the process until 9pm, so i was given the all-clear to have some dinner.

so with much pleasure i had some sushi. mmm.

about 9 or 9:30pm, the nurse gave me a small portion of a pill to begin the process. while i was apparently having contractions, i wasn’t feeling them. they decided to give me another dose about 2:30am.

around 7am, our doctor arrives to see how i’m progressing. at this point, i hadn’t been checked while in the hospital, so all i knew was that i was a little over 2.5 cm dilated from my office visit the week prior. when the doctor checked me, i was at 5.5 cm. he broke my water and we started pitocin.

i started to actually feel the contractions, and for a while they were manageable. my plan was to last as long as possible without asking for an epidural. they let me know that after asking for one, i’d need to up my fluids for 30 minutes before i could actually get it. knowing that (and knowing that the pain was to the point of being unmanageable for me), i asked for the epidural around 9:30am.

while waiting, the nurse checked me again. i was now around 7cm.

it was apparently a really hopping day to have a baby—i was at least one of 9 laboring. so i had to wait my turn because he was in another room. finally the Drug Man came in and we got the epidural placed (contraction during needle insertion, of course) around 10:35am. the pain of the contractions was cut down considerably, being more of just slightly painful moments of discomfort.

around 11:20am the nurse checked me again. i was at 7.5cm and about 80% effaced.

within minutes, i had a HUGE and unbearable contraction. the pain was extreme and took the breath out of me. i mentioned something about feeling sick, and then immediately started to vomit. the contractions were coming hard and fast, and the nurse had to wait until there was a mini break so that she could check me again.

when she did (about 3-4 minutes after the first huge pain), i was at 10cm and noah was RIGHT THERE.

she called the doctor and told him to get here now. usually she has her patients do a test push, but she was uncomfortable doing that alone because she was afraid the baby would come. she was able to get another nurse in the room, and together they hurriedly set up the room. once finished, they said that we were going to do some test pushes. i did one, and was told to stop and to not push anymore until the doctor arrived.

yeah. i really wanted to push.

they went outside to tell our family members at the end of the hallway to go ahead and make their way down the hall to the waiting area. the doctor arrived and we did three sets of three pushes.

and then we were done.

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noah james alexander arrived at 11:53am on monday, july 18th. he weighed in at 7lbs 9oz and was 20inches long. a full pound and almost 2inches smaller than his brother, he’s absolutely beautiful.

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and as for us? the three of us are completely in love with the smallest member of our family.

welcome, noah. we are so very glad that you are here.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

the one where wendy FREAKS OUT.

on saturday morning jonas and i headed to target before going to my cousin’s wedding. i had a short, concise list of items that i really needed to get because I’M HAVING A BABY BY NEXT MONDAY. and like everything else in the pregnancy, i’ve waited until the last possible minute to do anything.

because i’m an awesome mom.

anyway, i pulled into the parking spot nearest the cart corral. i normally have jonas walk next to me in the parking lot, and we get a shopping cart inside. but because there was a cart just right there, i hopped out of the car, threw my purse in the cart, and rolled it behind so it was sort of wedged by the car. i got inside the backseat and unbuckled jonas, which meant we also had a short discussion on why we couldn’t bring ALL OF OUR TOYS WITH US. we get out of the car and i go to set him in the cart…

but it’s done runnedoft.

i’m serious. i’m looking all around, and it’s NOWHERE. i see people entering the store, so i pick up jonas and (literally) run inside. after huffing and puffing, i get it across to the customer service desk that i think that a customer might have thought they were helping me out by grabbing my cart and didn’t see my purse inside. i just wanted to see if we could do a storewide page. she calls for the manager over the walkies, and while they are currently dealing with another matter, they were going to get to me asap to help.

i decide while we are waiting to walk outside again (still carrying jonas). and no cart. like, NONE. so we go back inside. and wait and wait and wait. the target worker tells me that they can see the manager down the aisle, but they are caught up with another matter. i’m getting antsy, so i decide to go outside one last time.

and that’s when i see it. a lone cart approximately 8 miles away, right next to the street entrance.

jonas and i roll out there in our new cart, and i pray. a lot. because i really needed my purse to be there. because you know…besides housing my wallet, favorite perfume, and cell phone, i had ALSO put my car keys in it.

because i’m awesome.

after walking the 8 miles to the cart, i was beyond ecstatic to see that my purse, while REALLY jacked up in the cart, was there. and i would have probably done an awesome 80s teens movie freeze frame jump in the air ala judd nelson, but i’m  nine and a half months pregnant in the middle of july and i still had to walk 8 miles BACK to the store.

but because i know you guys would love it, this is exactly what i was doing in my mind:

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and you’re welcome.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

so i’ll never forget.

jonas,

tonight while we were at your grammy and gramp’s house, you began to play with a baby doll there.

it was so sweet to watch you “put the baby to sleep” by laying him down, covering him with a blanket, crouching over him, saying “sweet dreams” and giving him a kiss. you repeated this about 93 times, and it was so gut-wrenchingly cute each time i couldn’t stand it.

after you got tired of that, you picked the baby up and put him on the couch next to your grammy. you asked him if he wanted a blanket…and then you changed the pitch of your voice to answer that yes, yes i do want a blanket (for the baby). you’d go back to your regular voice and tell the baby, “okay! just a minute!” and then cover him up.

jonas, you can be such a sweet little boy when  you want to. i hope that this sweetness continues when noah arrives in just a few short days. it’s such a joy to watch you, and i can’t wait to see who you will be when you become a big brother.

love,

mommy

Friday, June 24, 2011

over achiever.

this morning at around midnight, i woke up to a really sharp pain in my abdomen. because i was a little, oh, you know…asleep, i chalked it up to noah just squishing some vital organ. so i moved around a little and started to drift back to sleep when it happened again.

and again. and again.

because it was literally in the middle of the night and i assumed they were just really, really painful braxton-hicks contractions, i waited until my doctor’s office opened at 8am and made an appointment to go in.

my appointment was a 10:50am, and my mom was able to go with me (which i’m really grateful for since john won’t be home until late saturday night before heading back out for another week sunday night). my doctor decided to go ahead and do my group b strep test as check me (1 cm…woot). he then sent me down the hall for a non-stress test.

after being hooked up for 20 minutes to the table of fun, it was decided that yes, i was having contractions (about 5-7 minutes apart) and while he thought it was just due to irritability, if my pain got significantly worse to go to L&D, not to wait it out. because all i really need is to have this kid while i’m trying to use the bathroom, you know?

and so here i am. at home, at 9pm on friday night, wincing through my contractions as they steadily, irregularly come.

noah. dude. mommy isn’t ready. i know, i know. you’ve heard me say i’m done. well. that was a lie. your nursery isn’t ready. your daddy isn’t home. gimme 2 more weeks, and then we can talk, okay?

freaking over achievers, right?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

in which i whine.

so yeah. john’s been out of town for a week now (and will be gone for this coming week as well) for army training. it’s sort of like basic/ait except with basic and ait YOU GOT TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM.

add to the fact that after he’s done with military training he has to turn around and be BACK in little rock for the week after THAT for work training.

and did i mention (again) that i’m 35 weeks pregnant? besides that, i’m also a naturally paranoid person. which means that every random contraction i get i think THIS IS THE ONE. THIS IS WHERE I GO INTO LABOR AND HAVE A BABY WHILE ON THE TOLIET AND JOHN IS SITTING IN A BLACKHAWK.

of course, i’m not in labor, and there’s no signs of a quickly arriving baby. but COME ON. i just want the baby daddy. actually, i just want to sort of look like i did when said baby daddy left, and not to have exploded to even larger proportions then he could have imagined while he was away.

which means that eating that pie in church this morning probably didn’t help anything.

*i must add that i realize that it’s only 3 weeks, and that there are spouses that are out of town/deployed for MONTHS and MONTHS, so this is really trivial. but i’m 35 weeks pregnant and watch too many medical shows and tend to freak myself out.*

Thursday, June 16, 2011

on father’s day.

i know that many may tout that they have a great father. and i’m sure it’s true…i’m sure that the other fathers in the world out there are truly awesome.

but you may not have met mine.

meet my dad.

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my dad may be the single personable person i know. he’s always trying to cut a joke, always trying to make every one comfortable and feel included. a couple of our friends who have been able to spend a little time with my dad always bring how how awesome he is whenever we are all together.

and that makes me just a little proud. because it’s true.

 

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besides general awesomeness, my dad may be the hardest worker i have ever met. he has constantly worked hard to provide for his family, be it his mom while he was growing up, for my mom and me, all the way to making sure that jonas (and soon noah) are ridiculously taken care of. his work ethic is one of the qualities that i admire most about him—while he’s not a workaholic (because he for sure makes time for his family), he works hard to provide an stable and great income for his family, works hard around the house, and is the first to volunteer if something needs to be done.

63903_1455707801809_1506767500_30972037_7365182_n (1)it’s been so much fun to watch him transition from parent to grandparent.

i think he may like it just a little.

and it doesn’t hurt that jonas is his mini-me.

photo (16)

it actual borders on being just a little ridiculous.   

 

so if you see my dad out and about, say hey! he’s someone that you want to at least meet. and if he’s a fixture in your life?

then you’re almost as lucky as me.

Monday, June 13, 2011

flashback.

did anyone local happen to see this today?

http://www.nwaonline.com/news/2011/jun/13/fayetteville-dhs-office-cleared-amid-concerns-over/

basically, a letter containing an unknown white substance was sent to a DHS office in fayetteville, where a mass freak out occurred. the police were called, and 12 of the employees (the ones closest to the contaminated letter) had to do the high power scrub before being released.

and they still don’t know WHAT was actually in the envelope.

this completely brought a flashback.

my junior year of high school was life-changing. september 11th happened. hysteria over every possible threat or danger was WAY over exposed. and then some yahoos started mailing people (some famous, important…and some average joe’s) letters with anthrax in them.

it was pretty awesome.

also at this time i was in some light correspondence with some higher ups in d.c. regarding a possibility of interning as a page. you know. a PAGE. which frankly was a really cool idea to me, and a decent way to spend the summer between my junior and senior year.

one day after arriving home from work, my dad casually mentioned that i had gotten more mail from d.c. while i knew that i actually wouldn’t be participating in the internship program (because um, it was muy spendy) i still loved to pour over each letter. so i made my way to the table, slid my finger under the flap of the envelope, and pulled out the letter, opening it to read.

and then i saw the white powder. it was everywhere. it coated the inside of the letter, it spilled out from the envelope, it dusted the kitchen table. ev.ery.where.

i may or may not have thrown the letter down and said “oh my gawd.”

my mom came in from the living room at some point, and my dad asked what was wrong. all i could manage to stammer was “white powder. in letter. from d.c.” in a loop.

my parents seemed really concerned. like, really concerned.

like suspiciously overly concerned.

after expressing a little teenage angst as they rolled around laughing at my expense, i learned that they basically steamed open my mail, threw some flour in, and resealed it.

and you think i’m weird? this explains SO much, don’t you think?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

twenty-five.

jonas,

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earlier this week you turned TWENTY FIVE MONTHS OLD. do you realize that your daddy and i are only twenty six? or that zeusy is only twenty eight (in dog years)?

slow. it. down.

you are becoming such a smart little boy, jonas. the other day we were staying at grammy and gramps’ house (because our a/c was broken…boo!) and you saw a pair of star shaped sunglasses on the table. you immediately said, “STAR! STAR! STAR GLASSES!!!” and put them on. don’t tell your daddy, but i was secretly hoping you’d break into a little ‘benny and the jets’ or ‘crocodile rock’. how you knew that shape was a star (and you’re just two?!) is beyond me. but i’ll take it.

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you’re pretty particular to modes of transportation. you know (and make sure that WE know) the difference between trucks, cars, ‘cycles, trains, school buses, tractors, racecars, police cars, firetrucks, skateboards, airplanes, and helicopters.

fd09a17e0c0a4212b242c8604bff1494_6

jonas, you used to be such a shy guy. but it seems like you might be breaking out of it some. we went to a baby shower for your little brother, noah, last weekend and you. were. a. ham. i can’t even begin to describe how you acted—from flirting shamelessly via goofy, broken neck strutting to busting out a guitar…you amazed even me.

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and i’ve seen you chase zeus around naked, begging him to let you ride him. so that’s saying a lot.

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you’re starting to recognize important non-family members in your life as well. from aunt sarah and jamie, to remembering that jeff and sara are the “ice cream” people, to randomly talking about ezmah (possibly the cutest two year old lady ever)…well, i’m really proud that you are getting a bigger scope of who is in your world.

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recently you’ve reached the “i do it” and “my turn” phase. it’s really fun for us to watch you try to problem solve when things aren’t quite right. it makes my heart melt when after trying on your own you realize you do need help and ask for it, too.

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jonas, every day is something brand new for you. it’s been such a joy seeing things through your eyes for the first time, with such excitement and determination. i can’t even begin to imagine what tomorrow holds for you, because i know…i mean i KNOW that it’s going to be spectacular.

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with all of our love and pride,

mommy 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

chuckle now, funny boy.

we’ve been playing with the idea of potty training with jonas. basically that means that we’ve introduced the potty chair to him, he sits on it occasionally, we talk about going potty, etc. the past several weeks he’s actually been telling us (right after the fact) that he’s pooped, which is a great step in the process of being diaper-free.

while we’d love for him to be out of diapers by the time noah arrives in late july, there’s no pressure. if he is, then great! if he’s not, then great! he’ll get there whenever he is ready.

the problem with all of this “bathroom talk” is that he’s decided to take it upon himself to announce to strangers the poo-status.

unfortunately, it’s never been about him pooping.

a week or so ago, i was making some returns at target. he pointed out that the cashier was wearing a red shirt, and i gave him a lot of praise because he’s been doing SOOOOO well pointing out colors correctly. and then he looked at her, eyes opened wide, nodding his head and said, “mommy pooped.”

i’m not sure why i suddenly felt the need to assure the cashier that no, i had not in fact pooped myelf by trying to correct jonas. and his response?

“MOMMY POOPED!!” with even wider eyes and more vigor in his nodding.

i quickly finished up the transaction, realizing that this was a lose-lose situation in that i’m either calling my son a liar or they think I’M LYING because WHY WOULD A TWO YEAR OLD LIE ABOUT POOP?

and for the record, no. i did not poop my pants, thankyouverymuch.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

the island of misfit toys

i grew up in a church. every sunday was spent in sunday school and then listening to the sermon. the older i got, the more questions i had about God, who He was, what He was, and why things happen the way they do.

the church i grew up in wasn’t conducive to asking questions. blind faith was on the docket. asking questions was not. sermons were filled with the preacher both yelling and crying weekly. no matter what the original topic was, it usually came down to the evils of homosexuality or how 10% is just the beginning amount you should tithe.

so weekly i’d take an offering envelope and cover it with verses about love.

i was either a senior in high school or recently graduated when one of the girls a little older than me became pregnant. in such a scary but beautiful time, we were told that we could not hold a baby shower for her on church property. because she wasn’t married. and so we had it at the youth minister’s house.

if this was how church was, how God was, then i wanted nothing to do with it. because i couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that God would want us to essentially shun someone because they were carrying a baby…one of God’s most perfect creations.

a year or so after graduating high school, i started to withdraw from church. it wasn’t a welcoming place.

after john and i started dating, we began to search for a church. somewhere honest. somewhere welcoming. somewhere where the message was based on God, the Bible, and truth. we tried different denominations, churches with different age ranges, and in various cities.

and then we found vintage.  there were people who fell all across the spectrum financially, politically, and age-wise. we gathered in the music hall, drank coffee, and worshipped God. we learned that it was okay to have questions, to have doubts, about God. that it wasn’t only okay, but it was normal and healthy to entertain discussions on topics that seemed so taboo in other churches. that yes, our God is a God of wrath, but also of love. that grace is such a precious and beautiful gift that we don’t deserve but yet is given to us to freely. and that grace, well, it can change the world.

i look at the others who surround me at vintage, and i think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been broken by other churches. shunned for this reason or that. turned off by “religion”. disappointed by the hypocrisy of our religious leaders. we’re sort of like the island of misfit toys.

but we’ve found our place. and it feels like home.

Monday, May 9, 2011

two.

jonas,
f9038de3d9934f679fcc195077e8b594_7 enjoying a juice box
it’s just past mother’s day…and your second birthday. you are by far the best mother’s day gift i could ever receive (although you walking for the first time LAST mother’s day was pretty spectacular).
you’re seriously one of the funniest kids i know. while you may be shy at first, you quickly warm up when around others and let that little personality through. when you really start going, you get this wild look in your eyes sometimes and you remind me of your Daddy so very much. and that’s a really good thing, because we both happen to think that Daddy is one of the best people out there.
1e38126d2faa4e1dbb19ed26a29b50be_7 giddy up!
you can count to ten and can identify (or rather, use them as an adjective) several colors. you love to sing, and hearing you sing “jesus loves me” just about melts my heart.
anything that can “go fast!” and that has wheels goes straight to your heart. you already ask for the car keys so you can drive. i have a feeling that we’re going to be in a lot of trouble once you hit sixteen and the freedom it brings behind the wheel!
3ff47fc0ef87482ba4de47ab3226cbae_7 let’s go!
every weekend morning you have two requests…to watch gumby and to have some milk. so we crawl up into Mommy and Daddy’s bed, you prop yourself up against a still sleeping Daddy, and we watch the thrilling saga that is gumby and his creepy little friends. whatever. you love it, so that’s good enough for me.
0d8ff4ab1bb04110a04231449222736a_7 laying some sweet harmonies down with grammie
you still play the guitar, harmonica, drum, and sing into the microphone. now that you’ve discovered the joy of hamming it up, you can be found a lot of the time in front of the mirror at home watching your handsome self break it down. 
little boy, we are so so SO proud of you. you’re getting so big and so smart…our hearts can barely keep up with how much we love you. you will always hold a piece of me because you, YOU are the one who made me a Mommy.
3b0255a69db948988bb07a81bcca419f_7 and nothing will ever come between that.
baf69ac6cd774f64af753831d3cefcfa_6 happy birthday, monster.
love,
Mommy

Monday, May 2, 2011

the second time around

i think that the second time you’re pregnant (and i’m sure the third, fourth, and so on) something changes. you already know what to expect because of the been there, done that mentality. you know what to eat, what to drink, what you need to function as a human being during those 40 weeks.

it’s old news.

the New Kid is about 2/3rds the way there (actually, 28 weeks and 2 days in). it seems like this pregnancy has been flying by, and i’m guessing it has something to do with the recessive-gene toddler living down the hall. all i know is that if this baby comes out all tan, buff,  and with dark hair, i got some ‘splainin’ to do.

but besides being used to what being pregnant feels like, you can’t help but compare the pregnancies. when did you stop feeling nauseous with the first one? when did you feel the first kicks? i know that personally i was SO excited when i wasn’t experiencing any of the horrible heartburn that i did with jonas. i mean, with jonas i would literally wake up vomiting because the reflux was so bad. i really thought i was in the clear with the New Kid, but in the past weeks i’ve reclaimed BFF status with my prevacid stash from last time.

with both pregnancies so far, i’ve been huge. i’ve only gained 10 pounds (give or take a pound depending on the day) with Noah, but that doesn’t stop the belly from entering the room 8 seconds before the rest of me appears. it’s just how i carry babies, and i’ve come to embrace that. i’m large and in charge. kickin’ ass and takin’ names.

or something like that.

for me, being pregnant has been such a gift. yeah, i complain sometimes that my back hurts or that my hips seem extra waddle-y some days. and cramming myself into a pair of dress pants for work is no longer even part of my reality.

if the pants ain’t stretchin’, then they’re no good to me.

i’m so excited (and frankly a little terrified) to see what life is going to be like with two little guys, a husband, and a pooch that i can’t stand it. there’s something oddly comforting to know that we can do this, that we’ve experienced the dreaded newborn insanity stage before and made it through just fine, and that we’re going to be okay the second time around, too. there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when it seems like it’s just a flicker on the walls.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

out of order

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but to get to my office, I typically get on two different sets of elevators. One is a quick two flight trip, and the other takes me the remaining five flights. It’s pretty awesome. Between people farting (and then LEAVING!!), small children pressing the buttons for EACH FLIGHT, and pretending I’m Fonzie while using my elbow to push the correct floor numbers…well, there’s plenty of reasons for people to be jealous. I live a pretty thrilling life, you know?

One thing that is concerning me about my fast-paced life, though, is the increasingly frequent elevator malfunctions. It’s always fun to find that the elevators are refusing to go down to the floor you’re on, so you have to walk UP possibly seven flights of stairs. Once, I had to walk up from the second floor to the seventh floor. At the fifth floor I had decided that THIS WAS IT. I’M GOING TO DIE COVERED IN ORANGE CHEETO POWDER AND CRADLING MY EMPTY FRESCA CAN. (I made it out alive, but barely). And then there was that one time where the doors opened and the actual elevator stall was one foot higher than the ground I was on that was exciting, too.

The further along I am in the pregnancy (third trimester is just in a few days!!) the more convinced I am that I’m going to get stuck in the elevator and be forced to deliver Noah there, Saved By the Bell style.

Trust me, while I wouldn’t mind staring at Mark-Paul Gosselaar (hey-o!) for a long minute, the mental freak-out of having a baby WHILE IN AN ELEVATOR haunts me with every ride. You’re probably thinking that I’m going a little overboard with my thoughts, but I’ve already been stuck in a bathtub and trapped in a bathroom stall so far this pregnancy.

A little elevator baby drama isn’t completely out of the question.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

lately.

pregnancy the second time around goes at warp speed. maybe it’s because i’m chasing a very busy almost 23 month old around. maybe it’s because i’m working (what feels like) long hours. or maybe the earth started spinning a little faster. but i CANNOT BELIEVE that i’m almost 24 weeks pregnant with the New Kid.

mind boggling.

like the last time, i get a lot of comments on my impressive girth. what can i say? i’m awesome. in the past weeks:

a little, cute, sweet old lady asked if i was carrying twins after learning i have FOUR MORE months left. i replied, “i think actually there’s five or six in there!”

one of our doc’s told me the baby “wanted to come out”. i told him that i hoped not, because there was still 4 months left. and then he told me that his wife was MAYBE my belly size at 9 months.

random man: hey! you’re supposed to be pregnant, right?

me: i hope so, sir. if not, then this is a nasty joke.

photo (10)(me at 21 weeks)

photo (11) 

i think that you have to joke around with people some because crap, what else are you going to do? be mean? cry? storm off? yeah. not really an option. and i just repeat “i’ve only gained 6 pounds this entire pregnancy.” on loop in my brain and that can’t but help to make me feel better.

i am getting to the point where lifting jonas (and more so, carrying him around) for long periods of time sort of kills my back. he’s a dense little dude, and while 32 pounds isn’t that heavy, IT IS THAT HEAVY.

speaking of the devil, jonas is pretty sweet.

photo (12)he’s still really into everything with wheels, his DADDY!!!!, zeus (both real and plushie), trying to ride zeus, wearing shoes (like his daddy’s police boots that he put on by himself), and guitars. seriously. the kid is obsessed with guitars. and now? now he’ll play one of his guitars and bust out in song…usually a remix of twinkle, twinkle little star or one of the yo gabba gabba songs on his electric guitar.

because yes. he has both electric and acoustic guitars.

and now i’m tired and my sudsy bath is slowly just pruning me alive. adios, amigos. and non-amigos. 

Saturday, March 12, 2011

where am i?

you always hear tales of terror from experienced moms when you become pregnant about pregnancy brain and it’s ugly cousin mom brain. when i was pregnant with jonas, i talked about forgetting what paper was and similarly embarrassing things.

i was sort of hoping, that you know, i never regained any of my brain cells after having jonas that i would be spared this time around. that i’d already start out batting low on the order, but i could stand my ground and earn my spot on the field.

this new child done kicked me to the bench.

my memory, which was once so perfect and shiny and amazing, no longer exists. if i don’t literally write it down immediately, it’s gone forever. or until next tuesday when i remember that i never put the eggs in the fridge while unloading groceries.

i’ve wondered around aimlessly, trying to figure out why i’m in a certain store. and this past week? i walked into the supply closet at work confused why the toilet was gone. because doesn’t everyone go to the bathroom in the supply closet instead of IN THE BATHROOM ACROSS THE HALL?

thank goodness i realized my error before it was too late, and i’d have some ‘splaining to do.

Friday, March 11, 2011

in which i get stuck in a bathroom stall

like every other pregnant woman in the world, i have to pee about every 15-20 minutes. actually, i can pee on command (which comes in handy for doctor visits).

on thursday they had an ice cream sundae bar at work. i’m not sure if you just saw that, but there was AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR WITHIN FIVE MINUTES WALKING DISTANCE.

so after lunch i hustled my way through our clinic, rode an elevator down 7 flights, and started speed walking through corridors and entry ways and waiting areas to GET TO MY ICE CREAM. however, around that 6th bend in the hall, it hit me.

mama gotta pee.

luckily, i was approaching some bathrooms in the hallway of the hospital. while i never have actually used these before, i’ve seen little old ladies wearing salmon colored jackets go in and out like worker bees, so i figured i’d be good to join the fun.

i opened the smaller than regulation size door to the bathroom, which i should have taken as a sign. the bathroom, clearly from like, 1954, was just a two-seater. i crouched down to make sure that both the stalls were empty (so i could have my pick) and opened the door.

only the door, opened as far as it would go, allowed me to scoot in just enough that HALF of my darling baby bump was being cut. like, i couldn’t get into the stall. my belly was preventing me to pee. but the pressure of the stall door was forcing me to REALLY NEED TO PEE. i finally sucked in as hard as i could, and just took the pain of scraping my growing belly across the door.

after doing my business and getting resituated, i realized that i now had to figure out how to get OUT of the bathroom stall. because, you know, the door swung INWARD. of course. after much thinking and plotting, i managed to maneuver BEHIND the actual toilet, open the door, and get out.

it was totally a fat man in a little jacket feeling.

but that ice cream sundae? totally worth it.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

dos xy

today we had the “big” ultrasound, which no matter how many you have, the chance to see that baby so ALIVE while inside of you sort of makes the world spin on its side.

it’s incredible.

the technician went through the routine measurements, pointing out what unspecified blobs were to us as i oo’d and ahh’d. she could have said there was a banjo in there, and i would have been just as agreeable. it all sort of looks the same. she showed us some defining features, like arms, the mouth, and the fluttering heart, adding more gel to the probe once again.

after she did the basics, she sent the images to the doctor, and he came in and asked the basic terrifying questions like does anyone in either side of the family have some sort of horrible chromosomal defect. and while he says not to worry, and that he asks everyone these same questions all i could think was OMG IS THERE A THIRD ARM GROWING OUT OF ITS HEAD THAT I CAN’T SEE?

he asked if we had any questions for him, and we asked if he was able to confirm the sex of the baby.

and he was.

noah james. he is perfect and beautiful.

noah2

and we cannot wait for him to be apart of our family.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

l o v e.

today at vintage robb spoke about love.

it was the sort of sermon that made me so uncomfortable because i know it’s something that i struggle with so completely.

not that i don’t have love, experience love. i do. but God’s love, the love that Jesus shared and compels us to show…it’s not easy. the love of Jesus is about intentional service and real humility.

crap. humility. serving others not because we get something out of it. stepping outside of ourselves, our wants, our needs…humility makes us vulnerable. and when you’re vulnerable? you can get hurt. uncomfortable.

a couple of weeks ago i disagreed with a facebook “friend’s” status. and the end result was that i was called dumb and i’m fairly certain deleted as a “friend”.

i get these sort of spam-ish emails that have words of wisdom…basically just quotes to get you thinking. sometimes they’re religious, sometimes they’re not. but they do get you thinking. that day? that day when i really, really, really wanted to go off on said person? this was what was waiting for me in my inbox that same morning:

“if you prayed as much as you complain and quarrel, you’d have a lot less to argue about and much more peace of mind.” – rick warren

ouch.  i was lacking love. and prayer.

it’s hard to realize something that you struggle with, something that shows your heart what it’s lacking.

i’m on a mission. it started with a small seed a few weeks ago, and today it got some extra tending. i want to show God’s love to everyone, even when i really would rather pass. i want it to be genuine, to be unrestricted, to just overflow.

Friday, March 4, 2011

we’re half way there, oooo livin’ on a prayer

so, on saturday i’ll be 20 weeks pregnant. which is sort of blowing my little mind.  it’s like i’m floating between thinking that the New Kid will live in the tum forever and the idea that the thing is FLYING BY.

i’ve been trying to take weekly pictures, but facebook is being all lame and not letting me upload ANYTHING the past couple of weeks. whatever.

here i am at 19.5 weeks. um…before i fixed my hair and makeup.

photo (7)

photo (8)

the other day my grandma asked me how far along i was, and i said 19 weeks. and she sort of gave me an OH MY GOD face and said that i’m a LOT bigger belly-wise at this point than i was with jonas.

which, i think is true.  or something. i can’t really tell.

i can’t wait until wednesday for THE ULTRASOUND to so we can confirm either way, and to get this nursery party started. woot! 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

kaboom!

For as long as I can remember, anytime I experience any sort of change in altitude I desperately need to pop my ears. From airplane rides to driving through a particularly hilly region, I find myself forcefully yawning, stretching my jaws as far as part as possible until the pressure is relieved.

And it always is.

Until recently.

The past month or two, it’s been an issue. And it’s not like I’m trekking across mountains or high terrain. No, no. I’ll be just sitting there, driving my car, minding my own business when BOOM!! I can’t hear a damn thing out of my (normally) left ear. The first time it happened I thought I gone deaf. Which is just really awesome. I was able to get my ear popped within a minute or two, and thought no more of it.

Until it kept happening. Now it’s a semi-daily occurrence. And while it’s not really painful, it’s completely annoying to go completely deaf in one ear while trying to talk on the phone, speak with elderly patients, and life in general. The usual methods of swallowing hard, chewing gum, or yawning are no longer quick fixes, taking upwards to 30 minutes to work at all. I’ve spent a little (read: maybe 10 minutes on google) time researching other methods to pop these ears, and the valsalva maneuver keeps rearing it’s head.

And I’d try it. Except the idea of forcibly expelling air out of my ear canals terrifies me much like clowns and porcelain dolls do. It’s not so much the act of doing the maneuver, but the thought that comes flying to the front of my mind that I’m going to literally blow my brains out.

I’ve never claimed rationality as a strong point of mine.

So, if you see me yawning uncontrollably, just smile and nod. And speak up a little, whydontcha?

Monday, February 28, 2011

my happy place

i found my long lost happy place. i think i’d be lying if i said everything was always pansies and lollipops for me lately. in reality, it’s been like trying to navigate your way through a city you have never been to, but there’s the promise of amazing things on the other side of town.

tonight i found my map.

it happened in the kitchen while making a pizza for johnny and i. extra herbs in the dough, topped with double the meat for him, double the fresh tomato and whole gloves of garlic for me.

jonas was running in and out between the kitchen and the guest room where johnny was (and still is) working on a paper for school. between the “ready set GO!” and trying to put on his daddy’s jacket, jonas paused to listen to the music.

streaming from my phone’s pandora mumford & son’s station was jack buckley’s “hallelujah” (which is the lullaby i sing to jonas), the beatles’ “blackbird”, iz’s “somewhere over the rainbow” and so many other songs that make everything seem right.

he’d listen for a few seconds, get the rhythm going by nodding his head and soon his whole body started bouncing around as he danced, yelling “GUITAR” and making strumming motions across his belly.

and that’s when i realized that my map had fallen out of the overly stuffed glove box and i had arrived.

it feels so good to be back.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

bad attitude

this morning i woke up, and it wasn’t pleasant. i was immediately grumpy, frustrated, and hateful.

i was frustrated at my husband for having a social life. for still being in bed. for coming in later than i would have liked. for him riding his motorcycle and then having to turn back around on the way to church because it started to rain.

i was frustrated that jonas was whining. that he was throwing a tantrum because i wouldn’t let him use my hairbrush. that he had been increasingly acting out the past couple of days. that he was, you know, was acting like a toddler.

and then there’s the dog. who sheds. and was barking outside at something (a neighbor dog, maybe). and you know, acting like a dog.

i wish i could blame it on the additional rush of hormones flooding my system since the end of october. because it’d be really easy just to sweep today and my horrible attitude during the first half of it under that rug. in fact, pregnancy is a great time to make excuses for yourself. really wanting another piece of cake? blame it on the fetus. want to buy a new pair of shoes? say all of your other ones are uncomfortable. need to use the restroom, again? well, okay. that one you can blame on carrying a kid in you.

in reality, there’s nothing you can do but look at yourself really carefully. inspect the pieces and parts of you that you really would rather ignore. own up to WHO you are, and move forward.

so after finding out john had to turn back home this morning because of the rain, and realizing that jonas was passed out in the backseat, we headed back home, too. i put jonas in his bed where he cuddled with his blanket and zeusy, and went back into our room and laid in bed with my husband, snuggled up and drifting back to sleep. and when i woke up?

it was like i got to start over. and for that i’m thankful.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

oh, hai there.

i’ve been a really horrible blogger the past, oh…few months. i wish i could say that i’ve been super busy or something, but the reality is that after i get home and get jonas to bed, all i want to do is soak in the bathtub and watch old 48 hour mysteries, hair tutorials, and episodes of degrassi high.

so i’m writing this in a crappy attempt to briefly go over what’s been going on around these parts lately…

jonas:

he’s a hoot. jonas has some sweet white boy dance moves, and couple that with his obvious musical talent, and we got ourselves a show. he likes to take his harmonica, bang it on his thigh while saying “TWO FREE FOUR!” and then play like a maniac. he’s getting into pretend play, having even longer drawn out conversations with his Zeusy dog, annabelle, and meow-meow. he “vacuums” the downstairs with his ball-popper, builds with blocks, and shuffles around the house in whoever’s shoes he can find.

one of my favorite things is watching him try to ride zeus, our corgi. he’ll manage to get one chubby little leg lifted high as possible in the air only for zeus to have walked off. rinse, repeat.

the new kid:

i haven’t gained any weight thus far in the pregnancy (give or take a pound daily on the scales), so it’s looking like i’ll be at about the same place i was with jonas weight-wise. which is fine by me. i have a personal goal of only gaining 15 or so pounds, which is healthy and achievable. the doctor is pleased with me so far, so that works for me.

we had an ultrasound several weeks ago at work, and it’s looking like the new kid is actually noah james alexander. we have our official ultrasound to confirm that he’s still noah and not piper (even though through recent events we realized that ultrasounds can lie about the gender, which is the best surprise!). in the past week i’ve felt the random kick or two, and can’t wait until it’s studio 54 in there.

sleeping is just about impossible, and i still have a fun “hold my puke” moment atleast once daily. i find it so hard to complain about pregnancy though because we have been so blessed to not only have this baby coming, but to have such a healthy and easy time. i just don’t see the point in being all bitchy and moany about it when really, it could be so much worse.

etc:

spring break is coming up, which for us means that while we still have to work, we get to do the GREAT ROOM SWAP OF 2011.

the guest room downstairs needs to be cleaned out so that we can paint and then move our bedroom things down there. jonas is moving into our old bedroom, and then we have to paint the new kid’s room and begin to get it all set up.

we decided to leave our old bedroom painted the same (gray on most of the walls, a great green color on the others) and we’re actually painting our new room the same. lame, whatever. we like it. the new kid’s room is going to be gray and yellow (no matter what gender) and after the gender is finalized as much as possible, we will order the new bedding. jonas is staying in his crib for a while longer…he’s just not ready for a big boy bed, and frankly the idea of him roaming around upstairs by himself at night more than slightly terrifies me.

i hope to post pictures of the rooms when they are all finished!

until next time :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

oh, that kid.

jonas has gone through a total personality explosion lately. while still shy (initially) in public settings and large groups, he’s getting his niche all settled in pretty well in this world.

the other sunday i went to pick him up from the nursery and i was greeted with, “jonas is quite the daredevil. he kept flinging himself face first down the slide and loved it!”.  i wish i could say i was surprised, but i all too well remember hearing the begs of mercy coming from my father as jonas jumped off the ottoman onto the laminate wood flooring again. and again. and again.

this weekend john and i took jonas to one of his favorite places in the world…petco. and it happened to be an extra special day because they had puppies and kittens from some of the local shelters inside for adoption. i decided to let jonas roam free for a little while, watching him run from cage to cage to cage, screaming OH WOW. OH WOW!! PUPPY!!! WOOF!  when he started to go down the aisle with all the creepy crawlies, i had to just stand back a little because, um, that glass is no where thick enough for any sort of comfortable level for me. when a mom and her three elementary aged kids walked down the aisle to see the snakes and spiders and crabs, jonas wasn’t fazed at all. and when he started to actually run after them in the aisles, getting all up in their business so that he could both see what they were all exclaiming over as well as become one of them, i started to get worried. jonas had joined another family, completely ignoring my calls for him to come on back. it took john to go and physically remove him from their family that i saw jonas mouthing something about THESE AREN’T MY PARENTS. SAVE ME.

john and i sort of joke that jonas is essentially just a mini-me looks wise. i swear, look at pictures or old home movies of me around the same age, and it’s uncanny. but jonas has proved that he for sure is his daddy’s with his finesse when it comes to eating. that small, small child can devour an entire plate of food and THEN have dessert. like, a lot of dessert. namely, cake.

jonas has started to develop this absolutely fake chuckle. and every time he does it, i laugh so hard. which in turn makes the fake laugh even more fake. he’ll sit and tell me funny stories while stacking his wooden cars on top of each other, using great bravado and hand gestures with near perfect timing.

i never realized how much fun being known as someone’s mom would be, and i can’t wait to experience it two-told come july. i love who this little child is becoming more and more each day, so much that my heart just bursts.

and i wouldn’t have it any other way.