Monday, December 27, 2010

10

on christmas day i reached the delightful ten week mark in this pregnancy. that means that we’re 25% of the way to a real baby, instead of this lime-sized sourpatch kid floating around in my belly. somewhat ironically, i happened to have lime flavored sourpatch kids floating around in my belly on christmas day. and all this talk about sourpatch kids is a lovely introduction to the topic at hand…pregnancy cravings.

i know that some will say that there’s no medical reason for pregnancy cravings, that they don’t exist, that they’re just an excuse for pregnant mama’s to gorge themselves on whatever they want without guilt.

and yeah. there’s probably some truth to that.

but it doesn’t explain the supernatural NEED that washed over me at 3:42pm this afternoon for a chili cheese burrito from taco bell. forget that i just had devoured an orange, banana, and tiny box of apple juice. i was now STARVING for the chili cheesy goodness. and all that separated me from pure bliss was the remaining 48 minutes of work, 2 elevators, and one busy highway.

so when the hands of the clock (okay. the computer. whatevs.) hit 4:32pm, i realized that i was already TWO MINUTES LATE. i dashed as quickly as possible to my car and cut across the highway and into the drive-thru of taco bell in record time.

as i pulled up i scanned the menu…and they weren’t listed. THEY WERE NOT LISTED. trying very hard not to COMPLETELY FREAK OUT,  i asked the friendly man in the box if they still carried them and GLORY BE! they do! after placing my order and pulling around, it was nothing short of a miracle that i was able to pull away from the window before tearing open the thin, yellow paper away from my precious treasure.

the third bite into my chili cheese burrito, i suddenly realized that THIS WAS A TRICK. my delicious desire of a chili cheese burrito was GONE. not only gone, but it took all of my willpower not to expel the entire contents of my stomach in the non-regulation size filmy plastic bag they had shoved this DISGUSTING, VILE, HORRID excuse of food into.

and now i sit in the bath tub, writing this. i’d like to have lied and said i was lounging in bed or on the sofa, but no. because the idea of sitting ANYWHERE else right now is like replaying that time zeus puked in john’s armpit in my head, over and over.

i shall prune and i shall shiver. and i promise i’ll not be lead into temptation by the devil with the tortilla on again.

atleast, not this week.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

nineteen

jonas,

i’d like to start this letter off with a quasi-apology. i’m sorry it’s late. blame the New Kid. just consider the first of many times that your life gets ruined by your sibling. YOU’RE WELCOME.

67152_1455691801409_1506767500_30971949_319472_n anyway, you are nineteen months old and positively awesome. every month tops the month prior to that, and i’m so excited about that!

i think you might be musically inclined. which is totally awesome seeing that no one (save your uncle j) has any sort of musical ability in this family. the way that you just stand, nodding your head to the beat, as the band at church plays is awesome. you love all instruments, and have a special place in your heart for rap. in fact, your daddy and you have a song now. and i’ve caught you singing along to lady gaga.

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you have a new love. and it’s santa. now, santa in the flesh is slightly terrifying. but a commercial or picture of santa is great, and you love to say “ho ho ho” and “anta caws”. we took you to the Fayetteville square last week, and you ran around saying OH WOW OH WOW OH WOW with both hands in the air. once in a while you’d point a grubby little finger in the air and yell LIGHTS!!!

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you booked your first gig as a ring bearer this past month, too. um. it may have also been your last time, too. not that you weren’t stellar. because you were. duh. but maybe more so the fact that you made it 3 pews out of the 10 in the chapel. and you carried a toy truck. and i walked behind you carrying the ring pillow. whatevs. the people are crazy if they don’t want you.

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one of your new phrases is “i love you”. while you prefer to say it to stuffed dogs and fish, once in a while you’ll squeak it out to us. and lets be honest, you TOTALLY say it to me more, even though your daddy had a few straight “daddy i love you”s after holding you upside down so long you forced it out. 

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jonas, we love you so much. you are such a light in our lives, constantly keeping us on our toes and holding our sides laughing at your antics. you’re adorably cute and make friends wherever you go. i can’t wait to see you in your new role as a big brother.

love,

mommy

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

don’t mind me.

tonight i got stuck in the tub.

before you start thinking that i put on a ton of weight, i need to explain.

so there i was, minding my own business when i saw it. the faucet was dripping. drip. drop. drip. drop. and my big toe, being the curious creature it is, started to toe up around there, chasing the drops. it was all fun and games until my big toe got forceful and sort of, um, lodged itself in the faucet.

suddenly, this popped into my mind:

and realizing that john, who normally is at home at this time, is eating dinner with a friend and jonas, who is a toddler and while strapping lad, was asleep, and zeus is frankly no lassie…well, i decided i was going to die. right there. in the bathtub.

luckily i had a variety of soaps and shaving gels, and within (a terrifying) 5 minutes, my toe was free and i was fleeing the scene.

i’m just thankful i didn’t wind up like laura and rob.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

second verse, same as the first

for halloween this year, i dressed up as a very pregnant michelle duggar. i was (pillow) pregnant with baby jimmy john’s, and was holding my newborn, jambalaya pasta, with toddler jonas in tow.

it was really cute.

i guess that the sort of ironic thing is that michelle duggar has to be really fertile because this is what we found recently:

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those duggars are sneaky, sneaky people.

i’m going to be completely honest and say that this is a HUGE SURPRISE. LIKE A SURPRISE OF MAMMOTH PROPORTIONS. LIKE A SURPRISE SO GREAT THAT I’VE ONLY BEEN ABLE TO THINK AND TALK IN ALL CAPS FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.

i’m only like 7 weeks pregnant. and i know that it’s a lot earlier than a lot of people think that they should start sharing the news. the thinking is that the more that know about the New Kid early on the more people that are thinking and praying for the New Kid. and who doesn’t need that?

so there’s that. and the fact that i apparently get freakishly huge pregnant way early.

so here’s to the New Kid. it’s going to be a hot summer.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

vingettes

writer’s block is a crazy thing.

like, i can type hundreds of words, SEE them on this screen, re-read it, and erase it all. because it’s stinky, stinky poo.

and friends, i don’t know about you, but i am not fond of stinky, stinky poo.

and so i’m here, looking at this annoying blank screen.

lately i’ve been all sinus-y sick and stuff. which is pretty sweet. to be honest, i’d much rather be all icky at home. not because it’s more comfortable at home (even though it is). but more so because that way i can shove a kleenex up each nostril.

john’s a lucky, lucky man.

we recently got hulu plus to replace cable. and to be honest, i’m in love. john and i have been going through all of the seasons of grey’s anatomy, watching several episodes each night.

the obsession has started to cause some personal issues at work, though. like that time i was calling patients to confirm their appointments for the following day, and apparently had called a nursing home. when the front desk there said that mrs. xyz was a resident there, all i could think of was RESIDENT!! AWESOME!! LIKE MIRANDA BAILEY!!

and then i actually said something aloud along those lines, like “can i leave a message for her to return on her break?”.

and then it got really quiet on the phone and i realized that i was cah-razy.

i got a nook as a birthday present from my parents, and i lurve it. i’ve been reading through the sookie stackhouse series (intellectual reading, i know!) with great fervor.

one of the drawbacks is that now whenever i hear certain names, phrases, or see a full moon, all i can think of is vampires and shapeshifters.

and grey’s anatomy.