so, today i got a job. no big deal.
JUST KIDDING. well, not about the job. i DID get one of those. just kidding about the no big deal part. it’s come just in time, and i’m really excited about the opportunities i’m going to have in my new workplace. i’m working in a small clinic that’s part of a large network of local hospitals and clinics.
today (after receiving the good news) i had to scramble up to the hospital to complete the standard initial paperwork. i also had to get a tb test because my last one is about 2 years old. while getting my tb “stick” the nurse asked a lot of questions about past immunizations. and my basic answer was…UM. I IS HEALTHY, OKAY?
which apparently isn’t a good enough answer.
so she sent me down to the outpatient services area to do my drug test as well as get (AND I QUOTE) just a little blood drawn. i’m guessing so they can see that i’m all good? whatevs.
so after waiting FOREVAH in a stinky waiting room (only stinky because the dude behind me was 970 years old and extremely gassy) i was called back. my nurse was AWESOME, and was cracking jokes with me left and right. because i was most apprehensive about the blood stuff, we decided to do that first.
as she checked my right arm for a vein and found NONE. LIKE, NOT ONE. i swear to you that at that moment i knew what it was like to be a vampire. except less sparkly. i casually mentioned that i usually don’t do so well with stuff like this. she muttered something like, don’t worry, we’ll make it! as she searched for a vein in my left arm. after a few minutes, she finally found one, letting me know that i had puny veins and that this was going to be extra fun for both her and me.
as she got started, i turned my head to the right to look out the hallway. i know myself, and i know that the second i see my own blood it’s ALL OVER. another nurse came in because we were laughing and that’s when it hit me.
the darkness. around my vision. which QUICKLY became NO VISION AT ALL. i remember saying something like, “ooo so black” and they started holding my head up for me because i wasn’t able to. i also said something about BEING REALLY FUN AT PARTIES.
because that’s all that matters as one nurse is struggling to hold up your head for you while you literally can’t see anything and the other is desperately trying to fill the TWO VIALS she needs so that i don’t have to do this again.
after they were done, i sort of woke up. only to find wet paper towels all over my face, neck, and upper chest and a huge (thankfully empty) bucket in front of me.
the first nurse looks as me and is all NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU LOOK HORRIBLE.
at least i’m fun at parties.