Thursday, July 8, 2010

so gassy.

a couple of weeks ago, i looked outside the front window to see two elementary-aged girls coming to the front door. because it was just a bit past 8pm and jonas had finally gone to sleep, i headed them off and opened the front door before they got there. because all i really needed was a ringing doorbell to wake up the monster.

at first i assumed that they were selling something or that the dog was out. but zeusy was at my feet and because it’s summer, there’s no school fundraisers.

the older of the two was pretty shy, and within 5 minutes my neighbor pulled into their driveway, so she left to talk to them. but the younger one. oh holy sweet baby jesus child.

i learned way too much about the younger one.

in the 25 minute conversation (okay. whatever. it was just her talking and me nodding and saying i needed to go) i learned that her dog just got new food because it was gassy, that she gets gassy when she’s nervous, one time she was at camp and was sharing a bed with a girl and she was SOO gassy, that she has mosquito bites where it’s indecent to itch, and that her grandma is the secretary at her best friend’s school.

it was agonizing. i mean, i like kids. i truly, truly do. but i also like kids that are around their parents so the parents can tell them to chill out when they’re just being TOO MUCH. and hell, i like kids that i actually know. talking to our pastor’s kids/other kids at church? i like that. BECAUSE I KNOW THEM.

i honestly thought that would be it. that’d be the end. no more.

i was so wrong.

a couple of days ago, jonas again has been down for the night for maybe 15 minutes when i hear the doorbell. and i’m all like HELLZ NO. because i wasn’t frankly in the mood to chitchat with a 8 year old for the next hour, i moved my “work station” of bills and laptop to the spare room. then i heard the banging on the door.

then i heard the bell ring 7 times in a row. after about 3 minutes passed, i honestly thought i was in the clear.

but then they rang the doorbell 11 MORE TIMES, with more knocking.

and then jonas woke up screaming. mama’s a little pissed. by the time i calmed him down and went to the door, they were gone.

after what i thought was a HUGE hint that you know, if someone doesn’t answer the door it doesn’t mean to KEEP DOING IT, it happened again today.

DID YOU READ THAT? IT HAPPENED AGAIN TODAY. this time i was actually in the middle of a phone call and jonas was napping (and i promise that my child doesn’t just sleep all day.). so i once again walked to the other room to finish my phone call as they pounded on the door and rang the bell.

i’m going to admit (like you couldn’t already tell) that i’m a pretty passive aggressive person. it’s annoying and i hate it, but it’s who i am. i mean, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, i actually starting writing a note to the parents of these damn kids. it was actually a really nice note, because i have no clue who these people are. but then i kept thinking about and how much it must suck to find your letter on there and I KNOW MINE WOULD BE THE PERFECT FODDER, so i canned it.

but besides be just really rude, risk being the mean lady old lady on the street, what are you supposed to do? i know that my parents would have killed me if they knew i was knocking on strangers’ doors. i could understand it if i had a kid that was near their age but GIVE ME A BREAK, HE’S 14 MONTHS OLD.

now, if you’ll excuse me, i need to go sit on my front porch and yell at the neighbor kids as they ride their bikes down the street.


Vivian said...

Seriously - let me speak for all parents who have a major Sanguine child: we DO tell them they are being too much. ALL. THE. TIME. My kid rushes out he door every time a neighbor is in their yard. He STALKS the windows for them. And when he gets a sucker nice enough to give him a wave, he calls out across the street regarding just about every minute detail of his day! OH MY GOSH! And I am hollerin' in the house: "ETHAN, LEAVE THEM ALONE! THEY DON'T CARE! STOP BOTHERING PEOPLE! YOU TALK TOO MUCH!"

And I don't want to break my little buggers spirits, but I resort to this blunt honesty with my (almost) 5 year old like EVERY DAY. And you know what, he is CONVINCED that I am wrong, that EVERY ONE wants to know EVERY THING he has to tell them, and nothing I can do will change his ways.

Anyway - not only do I hear where you are coming from (because I, um, LIVE with a child who talks my gosh darn ear off every waking minute of his life) but I also want to speak for all parents like me: This phenomenon is NOT our fault!

And let me apologize ahead of time for the day you are introduced to my son at church and he makes your ears bleed. :) He's really quite a lovable guy... just... well... INTENSE. (according to my well worn copy of "Raising a Spirited Child", that is what we are supposed to call them.)

ness said...

tee hee...
you need to borrow my dog.

She thinks that children are dangerous. So when they come near the door, she growls at them. It's wonderfully effective for keeping their faces off the door glass.
That's all I'm asking for.

I suggest you leave a little note on the front door...low enough for 8 year old eyes. "If you wake up my baby with the doorbell, I will be mad at you."