i’m going to be honest. because you know, i usually just lie.
i really don’t get soccer. i don’t understand the sport. i don’t understand the passionate fans. i don’t understand why everyone is yelling at referees who are in like, south africa or something because of lame calls. or something. i don’t understand why the ball is black and white. or why the goalies wear really ugly outfits.
i’ve only played one game of soccer in my life. it was at a church camp in the middle of texas. this camp (like i’m sure at many others) had a myriad of intramural sports available for the various churches to send teams to. i was on the softball team (which just so HAPPENED to be the intramural CHAMPS that year, BAYBEE!).
i played softball because i don’t run. period. i’m able to hit the ball hard enough that it goes far enough over the outfielders’ heads, leaving me to jog my hardest to each base. i’m sure that if i was fast at all i could have been a homerun queen with every at-bat. but alas, i know my weakness.
and that is running. and the possibility of physical contact in a sport.
so i’m there just watching the soccer game our church team is in, when one of the girls frantically comes up to me and tells me to get on the field.
apparently the other girl who was supposed to be there was detained because of her basketball game and was trying to hurry. but because there weren’t the required number of players on the field, our team would have to forfeit unless i stood in.
i think after looking at her like she was CRAZY, she promised me that i could quite literally just stand on the field and do nothing. and i could even run away if the ball came near me as long as i stayed on the field.
so there i was, standing in the corner of the soccer field in absolute fear. i had no clue what to do and OMG THE BALL CAME WITHIN 15 FEET OF ME DIE! i thought i was going to cry when i saw that the other girl was running towards to the field to put me out of my misery.
it was the longest 10 minutes of my life, save childbirth (because that lasted HOURS).
and after all of that, i wasn’t even named MVP. can you believe that?