Tuesday, April 13, 2010

lost.

jonas's birthday party on saturday was bittersweet. not the party itself, or the fact that we had a wonderful time with our closest of friends, our people, afterwards.


the fact that our friends were all gathered together because john is leaving next week for basic training for 8 weeks is bittersweet. and immediately following that he has advanced specialized training for 10 weeks. all in lawton, oklahoma...which is just over 5 hours away.


saturday itself was wonderful. it was great. it was a stressful few days before then, wanting to make jonas's party fun for jonas, and john's party exactly what he'd want. but it was great planning and creating environments that were fun and happy. i had actually been planning for months, april 10th mentally circled on my calendar.


it always seemed so far away. like i wanted it to stay.


and then the day came.

it went off without a hitch. it was easy and fun and such a happy time for all of us to gather...to celebrate two of the most important people in my world.


then sunday came.

my kitchen littered with empty bottles, paper plates of leftovers, pillows in disarray.



i cried a lot on sunday.

because when sunday came, it meant that he was actually leaving.

leaving for 5 months.
leaving me with our son.
leaving me with our dog.
leaving me with our new house.
leaving me with a LAWN MOWER I CAN'T EVEN START.

i know that i can do this.
i know that.
i know that i'm strong enough
to care for our child
our dog
our home
our marriage
our lawn.

and i can spend the summer enjoying our son, skyping with john, and loving life.
a little lost. a little alone.

1 comment:

ness said...

I will help you however I can. I know how to start a lawnmower. I was up on our roof today. I hauled mulch. I killed ants.

I missed my guy too. You will get through this. I wish you didn't have to.