Thursday, April 29, 2010

srsly?

before i heave my body into bed, i can't NOT recap this day. let's start from the top, shall we?

*wake up early! no crying baby! happy baby! we leave house 10 minutes early!
*we find ourselves stuck in traffic for 30 minutes (just 1 minute from our house) because someone's care decided to catch on fire.
*almost to work, jonas starts puking! yay! first it's clear, then it's yellow! (it's okay, just sinus junk, and the doc gave him the all clear)
*important lunch order for work from panera in fayetteville. get back to office with lunch order. the two lunches that ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ARE MISSING. call panera and tell them to bring it to me. STAT.
*EARTHQUAKE!? in benton county? akldjfoiancacinaec;?
* i drop patient's case pan on the floor. dentures go flying.
* leave work. afraid will run out gas before getting to grandparents' house to retrieve jonas.
*make it to grandparents' house. get child. leave grandparents' house. afraid wont make it to gas station.
*make it to gas station. PTL (that's praise the lord for all you haterzzz).
*drive home.
*realize that there's a man swerving all over 540 RIGHT BEHIND ME. i get behind him. CALL 911! he's reported! but then OMG HE EXITS! CALL 911 AGAIN! follow him to his home. realize there's TWO other cars behind me doing the exact same thing.
*get home. eat fried chicken. check email. BABY'S CRIB IS RECALLED!
*load up baby and get pack-n-play from parents' house.
*come home. whine on blog. et al.

yeah. like i said on my facebook status (shout out!): of all the Charlie Browns in the world, today I'm the Charlie Brown-est of all.

i think what (seriously) is best about this whole day is that after every single thing, i just laughed*. because (srsly) what else could i do?

*except for the drunk driver on the interstate. duh.

shakin'.

an earthquake in rogers?

really?

Monday, April 26, 2010

shoot me.

or atleast, for the love of Pete, someone shoot my left ear off. because i’m super cool and have an ear infection.

or something.

and at this point the pain of being ear-less due to a firearm sounds more appealing that 5 more minutes of this throbbing, itching, COMPLETELY DEAF in one ear life.

and…and…yeah.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

zoom

so yesterday i was feeling down. my husband was in route to basic training (he finally made it this morning at 2!), and i was all blah. and then i looked in the mirror. and saw frida kahlo looking back at me.

not really.
but it was close.

apparently i had abandoned any sort of brow work for the past, oh, decade? atleast that's what it looked like. and since we've moved? i can't find anything. like tweazers. or stuff.

so jonas and i loaded up and headed to wal-mart. where i then bought myself silly with brow maintainence gear. i even bought more brow wax, because it was SO MUCH FUN THE LAST TIME. and one of those 134971958715x magnification mirrors. you know the ones? where you look at it and wonder why you even bought it in the first place?

yeah. i meant business.

so while jonas took a LONNNNNNNNNNNNG nap (like 2 hrs. woot), i tackled the 'pilars. and tackled them. and really put off tweazing my right eyebrow because it hurts more than the left. and then i'd wax a little. and cry. and then tweaze some more. then i busted out the scissors and trimmed. i actually think i did this for the entire 2 hours jonas was asleep.

it probably shouldn't have taken that long, but i REALLY HATE PAIN, so i end up wincing before i actually pluck a hair and then in the middle of it all i had to google why some hairs had black gooey tips (it's melanin!) and then i had to ponder what would happen it i tweazed zeus.

and then i wonder if i have ADHD.

but i finished. and while they aren't good by any sort of means, they are BETTER. and that's all we can really hope for, right?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

heave.

yesterday john and i drove to little rock to drop him off so that he could be shipped to lawton, oklahoma today. only it's 24 hrs later and 1 bus trip and 2 plane rides later he's still stuck in OKC, waiting for a bus to pick him up so he can head to basic.

i've been absolutely delighted that we've been able to text back and forth essentially all day today. it's been such a nice way to ease into this "new normal". in fact, yesterday itself was easy. yes, we both cried a little bit in the hotel lobby when we parted. but aside from that, we were so calm.

i highly believe in the power of prayer. i know that right now there are so many friends, family members, church members thinking and praying for our family. for the past few months i've left a prayer request in the basket at church. it usually consisted of the same thing:

please pray that john will find comfort, strength, and focus while he prepares for his departure. please pray that jonas and i find comfort, strength, and peace while we prepare for this transition.

and yesterday was that in every sense. we were at peace while jonas and i were entered into the military system. while i had my military id made. while we gathered the last items john needed. while john packed his things. while we went to the pd to drop off his car. while we went over the contacts in my phone. while we drove. and drove. and drove.

it's reassuring to me that john's job at the police department is such a brotherhood. i have the phone numbers of a dozen men i can call at any hour if there is anything i need. his lt. told me to call if there was every anything, even the smallest of things, that i needed help with while john was gone. anything at all.

i then responded that some night i wake up wanting a slurpee.
and he said that slurpee drop-offs could be arranged.

...

so today, i miss my husband. and tomorrow, i'll miss my husband. and the day after that? the week after that? the month after that?...i'll miss my husband.

but tomorrow, i'll also wake up. play with my baby. go to work. talk with friends and family. tell zeus to get off the bed. eat some ice cream. watch my shows. check the mail. build a fence. play outside. and breathe.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I’d like a side of waffle fries with that.

While driving home from work today I found myself behind one of those chicken trucks. You may be unfamiliar with them, but growing up in the Chicken Capital of the World, one becomes quite accustomed with the site of semis built of crates, carrying literally hundreds to thousands of live chickens. And their destination?

The KILL plant. And if that doesn’t scream “Lifetime Movie of the Week” then I don’t know what does.

So I’m driving DIRECTLY behind the midnight train to Georgia, and all I can think of is:
"Wow. This must be what the Jews felt like during the Holocaust”.

Because they’re all stacked up on each other? And heading to their death? And look really uncomfortable? And some have already died during their travel?

I promise you I’m not anti-Semitic. Because I LOVE Jerry Seinfeld. NO SOUP FOR YOU.

Back to the Jewish Chicken.

So I’m sitting there in my car, dodging feathers and literal chicken shit and thinking about the Jews during the Holocaust. And in that same line of thought, I thought about the ovens that Hitler’s henchmen used as mass murdering tools. Which of course led me to think about Chik-fil-a (aka Chicken for Christians). And then back to the Jewish Chickens. And their shit.

I then found myself not only hungry for waffle fries but awkwardly laughing. You know, in that way where you know you really, really shouldn’t find it funny, but it’s so AWFUL that all you can think about is how you shouldn’t laugh? And then you find yourself laughing in the middle of a funeral for a clown like that one episode of Mary Tyler Moore?

At this point, I think it’s important that I stress again that I’m not anti-Semitic. I LOVE Stephen Spielberg. OOO ROAR Jurassic PARK!

(Did anyone just catch that I linked to Jewish wonders in entertainment with Newman? Damn. I’m good.)

  I’m not even really sure why I felt the need to mention this in any sort of public forum, unless it was for the necessity to stress that I’m that person whose MIND WILL GO THERE and laugh awkwardly while rocking back and forth.

It’s awesome being an only child.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

and now for something completely different.

you might be PMSing if you find yourself in tears everytime the contestant on Minute to Win It (rerun, of course) completes their task.

that, and when you're cursing your 35 pound corgi for eating approximately 40 hershey kisses (foil and all).

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

lost.

jonas's birthday party on saturday was bittersweet. not the party itself, or the fact that we had a wonderful time with our closest of friends, our people, afterwards.


the fact that our friends were all gathered together because john is leaving next week for basic training for 8 weeks is bittersweet. and immediately following that he has advanced specialized training for 10 weeks. all in lawton, oklahoma...which is just over 5 hours away.


saturday itself was wonderful. it was great. it was a stressful few days before then, wanting to make jonas's party fun for jonas, and john's party exactly what he'd want. but it was great planning and creating environments that were fun and happy. i had actually been planning for months, april 10th mentally circled on my calendar.


it always seemed so far away. like i wanted it to stay.


and then the day came.

it went off without a hitch. it was easy and fun and such a happy time for all of us to gather...to celebrate two of the most important people in my world.


then sunday came.

my kitchen littered with empty bottles, paper plates of leftovers, pillows in disarray.



i cried a lot on sunday.

because when sunday came, it meant that he was actually leaving.

leaving for 5 months.
leaving me with our son.
leaving me with our dog.
leaving me with our new house.
leaving me with a LAWN MOWER I CAN'T EVEN START.

i know that i can do this.
i know that.
i know that i'm strong enough
to care for our child
our dog
our home
our marriage
our lawn.

and i can spend the summer enjoying our son, skyping with john, and loving life.
a little lost. a little alone.

Monday, April 12, 2010

le chair.

when i first moved out several years ago, my mom found a retro chair that she knew i would love, if i could look past the golden harvest velvet fabric that covered it.


and i could.

and it was love. complete love.

the chair had SUCH a good structure that i went to town and covered it in a heavy quilted aqua fabric. and when john and i got married and moved into our rental house? i just slapped some yellow fabric on top of that.

so when we moved again to OUR home, i knew that it was going to need another facelift. for months (and i wish i was kidding, but...yeah, not so much) i scoured the internet for inspiration. i actually just wanted to forgo the original chair and buy something like this:





which is beautiful. and ideal. and from target BECAUSE I LURVE TARGET. and oh, cost $299. with tax. and shipping. and after not even THINKING about telling john about it because why waste my breath, my mom and i went shopping for fabric to recover the original chair.


and if you can't tell...that's the exact same fabric. the colors look different, but that's just the lighting and the crappy iPhone pic quality. but for about 50 bucks total (including the price of the chair), this is what graces our living room.

john now refers to it as the "three hundred dollar chair" with pride.

psshaw. people give martha stewart wayyyy too much credit. this stuff is easy.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

eleven.

jonas,

this past thursday you turned ELEVEN months old.

because of reasons that i’ll explain later, we had your birthday party on saturday…a month early! you had so much fun with all of your family and friends who could make it to celebrate your life.

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and like a true alexander, you faced your cake and made it cry. you get your eating skillz from your daddy.

after skillfully crafting your birthday cake, decorating it with love…well, it didn’t take you long to demolish it. and who knew that you’d have aqua geen poop the next day! that’s a special treat for anyone, and let me tell you how amazing it felt that you picked ME to change the rainbow poop diaper. seriously. awesome.

jonas, you are getting ready to walk. like seriously, aside from climbing the stairs and eating copious amounts of brightly colored processed sugar, you LOVE to stand up and take a few steps here and there. your grandma mentioned that your daddy didn’t walk until 14 months…but i have a feeling by your ACTUAL birthday we’ll be running after you.

oh. and yeah. you have 12 teeth. wtf. ALL OF YOUR MOLARS decided to come and play. at once. along with the last incisor. it’s awesome.

i’ve hid all of your bottles. now, there is one that we use ONLY if necessary, but aside from those few times, you’ve been bottle free.

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you LOVE anything that has wheels. and if you can tip it over and spin the wheel with your hand? HEAVEN. it cracks me up, because you’ll actually spend 15 solid minutes looking at every single possible angle, and spin the wheel. you can see your quickly expanding brain working double-time, trying to figure everything out.

jonas, there is so much more that i could write about. the new way you smile and laugh, the way you “bark” at zeusy (or solo at 3am), your strong will, your dimples, your incredible hair, or your super fat feet. i could go on and on and on…and i will.

you are the source of so much happiness, joy, and pride. we are so proud of you, jonas. we love you in a way i could never explain or understand before you were here.

but you ARE here. and you are amazing.

love,

mommy

Thursday, April 8, 2010

arrival

she's here! the most perfect little girl i think i'll ever know just arrived this afternoon. and i'm pretty sure that when i got the text "i'm having a baby now. like seriously, in five minutes" i broke into tears. i'm so glad i was able to sneak some peeks of the baby via facebook pictures-it makes the heart fonder. i CANNOT wait to give her a cuddle when we meet her tomorrow! jonas is especially glad that his girlfriend FINALLY arrived! and they're exactly 11 months apart in age...yeah, he's robbing the cradle, but he happens to have excellent taste in women.
he gets it from his father.
congrats to mama staci and the perfect rylee jane!
we love you both so much!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

mom jeans.

i’ve mentioned before that jonas is almost oddly independent for a baby. he’s thrown fits because i wasn’t catching on that he wanted to use the spoon to feed himself. he gets overcome with glee when he accomplishes something all by himself.

this evening i was giving jonas a bath, and he was REALLY enjoying himself. he was “talking” to his cop rubber duckie, laughing when i poured water over his head, and had a blast sliding around on his bottom in the water.

and then came the splashing. oh, the splashing. he loves it. and he was getting really into it, smacking his palm against the top of the water. at some points he was on one knee, both hands flying, creating his own waterwork show to a song playing in his mind.

it looked like fun. so much fun, in fact, that i decided to join in. so i took one hand and lightly smacked the water. and i did it again and again, really starting to have some fun with it.

jonas stopped splashing. and he gave the death stare to my hand. AND THEN HE PHYSICALLY REMOVED MY HAND FROM THE WATER and continued to splash solo.

i thought it had to be a fluke, but after the third round of rejection, i got the hint.

 

my gosh, am i wearing mom jeans or something? i thought i had another decade or so before i was totally uncool.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

this is no april fool's.

so as you more than know, john and i (plus GIANT EVIL GENIUS BABY) have been moving. and we're done! moving! YAY! john took one for the team and finished the ENTIRE old house himself, and i'm slowly whittlin' away at unpacking the new house.

one of my more charming characteristics is that i cannot focus on one task for more than, oh...20 minutes. unless it involves watching old episodes of degrassi. and then i'm unstopable for HOURS. so i'll unpack a box/fill a cabinet, and then go to another room for another task.

i can tell that john really loves this quality about me.
really.

anyway, the main "side project" that i've been handling the past couple of days is recovering THE chair. THE chair was a gift from my mom that she picked up at a yard sale when i first moved out...like 4 years ago? i think? am i that old? i've personally recovered it several times with various colors and fabrics--for whatever really suited my needs. so moving into a new house was no exception--it needed a facelift.

if you've never recovered a piece of furniture, it involves (atleast for me) about 1.4 million staples from my handy dandy staple gun. after two days of stapling, you start to get really sore.

cut to last night.

wendy: man, john....my meat pad is SO sore!
john: your what?
wendy: my meat pad on my hand! ouchies!
john: (holding back giggles): your meat pad?
wendy: omg, yes. my meat pad, are you deaf? it hurts so bad. i think i bruised it!

john: um...do you mean your palm?
wendy: it's not my palm, its the meat pad. you know, around the thumb base?
john: um, it's still your palm.
wendy: it's the MEAT PAD. OMG, john. it's what it's called.
john: no.

wendy: don't dogs have meat pads?
john: i think they're just called paws or pads.

wendy: oh.

yes, apparently i'm just that big of an idiot. there's no foolin' with that.