Friday, February 5, 2010

shave and haircut

after john went to bed last night, i decided to do a little maintenance.

rewind that.

earlier in the evening, i had run to wal-mart to grab a few things i needed…flowers, sour cream for a cheesecake, hair know, the basics. so after grabbing the dye, i found myself in the shaving/hair removal department. looking for a better way to maintain my eyebrows (aka caterpillars), my eyes landed on a small box. WAX STRIPS! SALLY HANSEN! NO HEAT NECESSARY! PAINLESS! LASTS 8 WEEKS! so of course, i bought it with confidence.

okay, so back to john in bed. he’s headed to bed because he has to get up before the sun (literally) for work to that LOUD AS HELL ANNOYING ALARM CLOCK ON HIS PHONE OMG DON’T YOU DARE HIT SNOOZE AGAIN gentle tone on his phone. i usually go to bed with him (yeah. at 8pm. we’re wild and crazy.), but needed to find some time without distraction to get busy.

after reading the directions (“all you have to do is rub this little strip between your hands?? and then put it on?? and then it’ll gently come off!!?”), i felt at ease. i’m not even kidding when i tell you that i had no worries about this at all, because it said plainly several times that this was painless. and hell, if waxing can be painless, yes please!

i applied the strips all over. at once. because i’m dumb? i don’t even have more than a little fuzz on my upper lip (and it’s blonde, at that), but i figured WHAT THE HELL? IT’S PAINLESS. so i’m sitting there on the loveseat, face covered in wax strips with clear plastic backing, waiting a a minute or so to make sure that it’s all gripped how it should be.

i decided to go ahead and start with the eyebrows, because that way i could see easier when it came to the ‘stache area. i pulled the skin taut, and ZOMG. that was not painless. (sidenote: i’ve had my brows waxed before and expected a little tiny bit of pain…but pain that’s just a twinge, you know?).

i looked into the mirror, thankful that was over. but then i saw it. the remaining strips all over my face.

and panic set in.

i did the brows quickly as possible (and i have to admit, this stuff worked pretty well!), wondering if there was a way to maybe reheat this wax and maybe just have the strips fall off? after deciding that that was not a possibility, i did it.

i pulled the first strip.

and then i almost puked.

the problem was is that area is a LOT harder to pull taut, plus it’s a larger surface area, plus FUZZ DOES NOT COME FROM YOUR STACHE AREA WITH EASE. AT ALL. IT’S RESILIANT AND MEAN AND CALLS YOU BAD NAMES, LIKE LOSERHEAD.

i finally finished the waxing, put on the included oil on the affected areas, and went to bed looking like a burn victim.

but my ‘stache? yeah, it looks amazing. i’m totally going to do it again.


Tara. said...

Those are THE WORST! I tried them once too and ripped off half of my eyebrow because it slipped when I tried to place it.
I'm sorry it was so painful and I hope your eyebrows heal soon!

Q, La, and Gooner said...

ha, this was funny! BUT, I'm sooooooooooooooo tired of the brow maintenance! I may, perhaps, if I find myself in that aisle, try them.

Alli said...

Reminds of that Friends episode when they order wax off the infomercial (Waxene) and do it....After Monica does the first strip, Phoebe asks, "Well, was it painless??" and Monica says, "NO! It was painFUL!! It should be called PAINZENE!" LOL!

Sorry...but thanks for the giggle! I think it's funny because I've been there, done that, got the burn scars. ;)