Thursday, February 25, 2010

don't mind me, it's just my uterus yelling.

last week i was browsing a few baby gift registeries that my dear and lovely friend, staci, has set up for the (QUICKLY APPROACHING!!!) birth of rylee jane. and i swear to you, i heard my ovaries giggle as my uterus screamed BABYBABYBABYBABYBABY a few hundred times.

and then i told it to shut up, and that it needed to talk (and apologize) to my lady parts who had suffered horribly just nine and a half short months ago. because my lady parts will never forget the horror.

i know that another baby isn't even on the table at this point. and if a baby should come into the plans, it will be a few years from now. because that's logical and efficient and smart. and adult and stuff.

yesterday, we had TWO babies in our waiting room. one cute little boy and then the other. the baby girl. with the big, annoyingly cute bow on her head. and those pink, pink clothes. with flowers. and little pearl buttons. and ruffles. and the girlie, lyrical name. and those eyelashes.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT JOHN DID? last night john found, tucked away on his iphone, a list of baby girl names.

i then stood up, clutched my ovaries, and fell over dead.

and this new, hormonal free-fall i've found myself in isn't helped at all by everyone that i possible know being pregnant or giving birth in the next minute. SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE. YOU HAVE TO STOP IT. DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE A BABY? DON'T YOU KNOW?!

in the mean time, if you see us around town and jonas is wearing one of those annoyingly adorable bows on his head, just grin and tell me what a beautiful little girl i have.

whatever. i'll pay for his therapy later.

Monday, February 22, 2010

the learning channel's next star's been surprisingly easy the past few days being meat-free. like i said, i did eat spaghetti with meat sauce on sunday at my grandma's house. but that little bit of meat have been it!

i've made black bean burgers, fried up some tofu, and had whole wheat pasta with seared tomatoes as well as some other meals. john's been a great sport with atleast sampling what i've made.

before starting this little Lenten venture, i did a little research. because i'm that person who already researches crap who happens to be married to the king of researching everything AND I SWEAR TO THE PRECIOUS BABY JESUS WE ARE NEVER GETTING A WALLABY NO MATTER WHAT GREAT PETS THEY (ALLEGEDLY) ARE.


anyway, i had already sort of panned out what i needed to know: how to get the needed iron and protein, the types of vegetarian, and the possible "side effects".

except maybe i glossed over the paragraphs with all of the possible negatives. maybe because i didn't care? or maybe because i thought i'd be one of the lucky ones? but i should have known by now that if something IS a possibility, i'll probably be the first one struck down.

so on saturday while i was rolling around on the living room rug, clutching my abdomen while a certain hefty 9 month old repeatedly body slammed me and a certain neurotic husband sat on the loveseat LOOKING UP MOTORCYCLES THAT YOU'RE NOT GETTING i thought i was dying. i thought THIS IS IT. I'M DYING. there was awful cramping and points where i thought i was going to black out.



in reality, apparently some people experience painful gas bubbles and tummy issues shortly after not eating meat and adding in lots of additional veggies.

there went my one and only chance to be on national television. you know, unless i grow a beard or warts that look like tree bark.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

the beginning

today marks ash wednesday and the beginning of lent. while i'm not catholic, i really wanted to "sacrifice" something for the duration of lent to remind me of the sacrifice of the Lamb.

it really didn't take much thought as to what i would give up. like so many others, food is such a crutch. when i'm sad, let's eat! when i'm pissed, let's eat! OH, IT'S 2:17pm...LET'S EAT. and i have a certain weakness for meat. fatty meat. salami. hot dogs. the right side of a cow. WHATEVER. YUM. for the past year or so, the idea of forgoing meat has been on my mind and heart someway or another. it's not ethical, but more of a health thing.

so meat it is.

now, i will eat meat whenever i'm at family meals that i don't prepare (i.e. grandma's house on sunday afternoons) because i don't want to put them out and have anyone worry about what i can't eat. we've prepared with substitute proteins, whole grains, and veggies.

i hope to document my success (and failures), recipes i stumble upon, and what i've gleaned from this forty day adventure. and who knows? i might adopt this as a new lifestyle.

or you may find me on Easter sunday rubbing the easter ham all over my body.
it's a craps shoot.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


this morning i learned via facebook that a young couple i went to school and church with lost their 3 month old son yesterday.

for those who pray, please cover this young family in prayer. they've had a hard past few years, and throughout it all their faith has remained strong. pray for comfort, for the ability to grieve, for the ability to praise God through it all. pray for peace, pray for the healing of their hearts.

Monday, February 8, 2010

nine months with a monster


you are nine months old today. you are nine months old going on 4 years old. while i’m trying to get over the rapid heart rate that i’m currently experiencing because you’re not my itty bitty baby anymore, all i can say right now is that you’re awesome. you have a great personality, you’re on or above all targets, and you amaze us.

you waved bye bye for the first time yesterday, you try to feed yourself with your spoon, you love seeing how everything works (from cabinet doors to diaper bag straps to walkers to shoes), you wear 9 to 12 month clothing (although if we were honest, those 9 month pants look a weeeeee bit snug), size 3 diaper, take 6 ounces max of formula at a time, cruise around furniture, try to climb everything, and have some sort of pied piper quality about you with older kids (seriously, a couple sundays ago i watched you crawl around the church with atleast 3 other elementary age kids crawling behind you…either you’ll be president, or a cult leader).

and because you have been outside the belly for nine months, it seems only fitting to recount how you got here.

(originally posted may 2009)

i tried to go to sleep thursday night, but for some reason i just couldn't. around 1am i started to feel some sort of random pain in my abdomen that would come and go every twenty minutes or so. i thought it might have been contractions, but really had no clue what they felt like. the only description i kept reading over and over online was that they'd feel like period cramps at first. and i'd never had cramps in my life.

figuring that worst case it was some gas that needed to be worked out, i went to wal-mart at 2am to walk around. while i was gone, john looked up other "symptoms". i came back home around 2:30am or so, and really had to go to the bathroom. it was then that i saw that i was bleeding slightly...and i realized that this may be labor.

so we got to the hospital about 6:45am and were admitted not too long afterwards. the charge nurse decided that they would admit me no matter what because i was already scheduled to be induced in a few days and they had an empty bed.

at 9am, the doc came to check me. i was still at just over 2cm's, and he broke my water. i was soon hooked up to my iv's of saline and pitocin (used to just make my contractions stronger).
i'm not going to lie--that stuff works. quickly. soon the contractions were reaching the point of becoming unbearable. i was trying to breathe through them, crying  because, well, it hurt. and it didn’t help that john was eating a breakfast burrito during this.  i looked at john and begged him to find the "drug man".
it took what seemed like hours (HOURS i tell you!) for the "drug lady" to make it to us (but in reality, it was probably only 30 minutes or so—she was in surgery helping with an emergency c-section).

the epidural was placed without incident, and almost immediately i started to get numb. and my friends, life was amazing.

i'm not even kidding. life was great and could feel NOTHING.
the nurse came to check me again around 11:30 or so, and i was dilated to 5cm. i was stoked, enjoying my ice chips and watching "law & order" as our family members began to pour in. jasmine would help "baby-sit" me while the others grabbed lunch and took a breather.

somewhere around 1pm the nurse checked me again. she looked at me, and told me that i was going to laugh...and that i was at 9cm. and i did laugh, because dang it, i still felt nada thing. and if i did feel just the slightest bit of pain, i'd use my little "margarita shooter" to gimme some more relief.

everyone was kicked out of the room, and john and i rested for a little bit. and it was nice for it to be just us before chaos was to hit. the nurse came back to check me around 2, and said it was go time. she prepped the room, bringing out all of these gizmos that were hiding in a closet in the room, and set up a table full of medical instruments.

just before 3, we started to do some test pushes, just so we could see what was going on. after doing several, she told me that i was doing great, and that jonas would be here very soon. i can't remember if john asked her or if i did about how long she thought it may take. she replied that 20 minutes should do the trick.
i got so excited. just 20 more minutes!?!? how awesome!

unfortunately, jonas didn't want to cooperate. i'd push and push and push my hardest, and any progress that would be made while i pushed would be completely nullified when i stopped. he'd go back in to where he was originally every single time. the nurse began to get a little concerned, and asked another nurse to come in and check if jonas was sunny-side up. after about 15 minutes, they determined that he was in the right position...he just couldn't get past my pubic bone.

at this point, i'm starting to get tired. really tired. right above me there was a piece of reflective glass, and i looked up into it. and i saw blood. a lot of blood. i think she saw me looking at it, because she said that i had torn around my tushie a bit, and that later on when the doc would come, she'd tell me exactly how, when, and where to direct my pushing to prevent more damage.

i'm not sure if it was the blood or not breathing because all of the pushing (or the combo of it), but i soon began to throw up. because that's what i do. they cleaned me up and applied cool washcloths to my neck and face. john began to fan me with a piece of paper. little did he know that he'd be fanning for atleast another hour.

eventually the point came where the doc was back in the room, ready to catch jonas. i was pushing so hard, trying my hardest, but i was getting so tired. i cried once in a while, and told them that i couldn't do it. that i was done, and that was that. of course, they told me no.

i suddenly began to hear scissors clipping, and i knew that he was giving me an episiotomy (i left the hospital with a 4th degree fun place, and whenever there was a shift change, the new nurse would give me a sad, sad look as she gave me my pain meds). at that point, i didn't care. i just needed to be done. i couldn't go much longer. i found out later that jonas’s heart rate started dropping, and he needed to be out NOW.

i hear john telling me to open my eyes and to look down, and i told him that i couldn't, that i'd get sick. he told me again to open my eyes...and that's when i saw him. there he was, this screaming child. the first thing i could say was, "is it really a boy?" to which i got a reassuring yes. they placed jonas on my chest, and i began to just weep. he was so beautiful. and he was here. in my arms.

jonas, we love you. you have rocked our worlds, leaving us white-knuckled just so we can hang on.


Saturday, February 6, 2010

topsy turvy

this morning john had to get up earlier than usual to get ready for his first drill weekend. he had to be at a certain place in the area by 530am so that he could catch a ride to fort smith.

so he woke up early, and i didn’t even hear his alarm go off. he walks a little before 530 to give me a kiss goodbye, and i rolled over back into my slumber.

around 715 or so, i hear jonas stirring around. i groggily stumble into the bathroom, eyes still sealed shut. i then walk into jonas’s room and turn on the light.

and there he was. in the buff. in all of his almost-nine moth old glory. butt naked. somehow during the night he managed to wiggle his diaper off (and because he had puked all over himself last night, he went to bed only in his diaper). luckily he hadn’t peed or gag…pooped anywhere.

we walk into the living room, and snuggled as he had a bottle. needing to go to the bathroom again, i left him in the living room and made my way that direction.

after being awake for a little bit longer, i realized that there were weird lightbulbs in the fixture and the towel rack had been broken off the wall.

so i had to text john. because, come on. naked baby, and crazy bathroom antics? so i told john the story of naked jonas, he laughed, and then i asked him about the towel rack and lightbulbs.

apparently it had been a rough morning.

but atleast it was john who broke the stuff instead of some sort of deranged intruder who wanted to see my chubby baby naked and steal our towel rack, all while changing the lightbulbs.

Friday, February 5, 2010

shave and haircut

after john went to bed last night, i decided to do a little maintenance.

rewind that.

earlier in the evening, i had run to wal-mart to grab a few things i needed…flowers, sour cream for a cheesecake, hair know, the basics. so after grabbing the dye, i found myself in the shaving/hair removal department. looking for a better way to maintain my eyebrows (aka caterpillars), my eyes landed on a small box. WAX STRIPS! SALLY HANSEN! NO HEAT NECESSARY! PAINLESS! LASTS 8 WEEKS! so of course, i bought it with confidence.

okay, so back to john in bed. he’s headed to bed because he has to get up before the sun (literally) for work to that LOUD AS HELL ANNOYING ALARM CLOCK ON HIS PHONE OMG DON’T YOU DARE HIT SNOOZE AGAIN gentle tone on his phone. i usually go to bed with him (yeah. at 8pm. we’re wild and crazy.), but needed to find some time without distraction to get busy.

after reading the directions (“all you have to do is rub this little strip between your hands?? and then put it on?? and then it’ll gently come off!!?”), i felt at ease. i’m not even kidding when i tell you that i had no worries about this at all, because it said plainly several times that this was painless. and hell, if waxing can be painless, yes please!

i applied the strips all over. at once. because i’m dumb? i don’t even have more than a little fuzz on my upper lip (and it’s blonde, at that), but i figured WHAT THE HELL? IT’S PAINLESS. so i’m sitting there on the loveseat, face covered in wax strips with clear plastic backing, waiting a a minute or so to make sure that it’s all gripped how it should be.

i decided to go ahead and start with the eyebrows, because that way i could see easier when it came to the ‘stache area. i pulled the skin taut, and ZOMG. that was not painless. (sidenote: i’ve had my brows waxed before and expected a little tiny bit of pain…but pain that’s just a twinge, you know?).

i looked into the mirror, thankful that was over. but then i saw it. the remaining strips all over my face.

and panic set in.

i did the brows quickly as possible (and i have to admit, this stuff worked pretty well!), wondering if there was a way to maybe reheat this wax and maybe just have the strips fall off? after deciding that that was not a possibility, i did it.

i pulled the first strip.

and then i almost puked.

the problem was is that area is a LOT harder to pull taut, plus it’s a larger surface area, plus FUZZ DOES NOT COME FROM YOUR STACHE AREA WITH EASE. AT ALL. IT’S RESILIANT AND MEAN AND CALLS YOU BAD NAMES, LIKE LOSERHEAD.

i finally finished the waxing, put on the included oil on the affected areas, and went to bed looking like a burn victim.

but my ‘stache? yeah, it looks amazing. i’m totally going to do it again.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

if you love her

i’ve been getting email after email asking me for a valentine’s day gift guide.

okay. so that was all a lie. whatev.


anyway, here ARE some completely awesome things that any girl named wendy would really love. a lot. HEAR THAT, JOHN? HUH?


clinique happy perfume. because i’m almost out. and it’s tasty.


women’s toms in ash. because they match my life. so pretty.


and because i’m a doofus, i totally LAMELY saved the last photo in bitmap and now it’s all like BITMAP? ONLY JPEGS, FOO’.

but those cute breadboxes at target? you know? the ones where i make you walk an extra lap around the store (secretly) just so i can glance at them from afar? and maybe touch their beautiful, colorful exterior with my pinkie finger as i walk by?

yeah. one of those. i’m not picky. but red or turquoise, plz.


i <3 valentine’s day.