on saturday, jonas, his grammie, and i ventured out into the world of target and wal-mart.
in his diaper bag, i'm ALWAYS prepared with wipes and diapers and butt creams and WHAT IF HE NEEDS MEDICINE!? so basically, i always carry everything so when something pops up, i'm covered. except for burp clothes. i never grab those. but...oh well.
ANYWAY. so like i said, we were just minding our own business in the middle of the baby section of target (aka mecca for pregnant chicks)and my nose starts to twitch. the baby that i was holding was emiting a smell that i wouldn't force on my worst enemy.
so i did what any good mother would do, and handed him off to my mom. i finished my shopping in that aisle, and looked over to see her almost tearing up because of the odor. she silently screamed "DIAPER CHANGE NOW!". i pilfered through his bag, grabbing a diaper and the wip--wait. the wipes. were not in the bag. where the hell are my wipes?
panic set in. and people, you're probably thinking, "it's just a little poop." no. NO IT'S NOT JUST A LITTLE POOP. WE ARE TALKING HIGH TERRORISM ALERT, THIS IS A RED PEOPLE. A RED ALERT.
i chucked the kid back to mom, grabbed some wipes from the shelf, and ran to the front of the store to check out. then she tossed him back to me, and i beelined our butts to the family bathroom. because really, it may be illegal to expose others to that sort of toxin.
i laid him on the changing table, took a deep breath, and opened his diaper.
only, there was nothing there. NOTHING. shocked, i changed his diaper, and loaded him back into the shopping cart.
we continued our errands, next landing at wal-mart. while holding jonas in the baby clothes, my nose wasn't twitching...but it was burning. and i could feel my tasty lunch lurching higher and higher and HIGHER. mom grabbed the kid as i walked a few feet away, doubled over and dry-heaving. i really thougth i was just going to puke everywhere, but luckily was spared. we loaded him BACK into the car, just knowing that we'd have a mess on our hands when we got back to my parents' house.
and yet, there was nothing.
at this point, i'm becoming terrified. because there was NO way that all that stench would just let me off the hook. i knew that there was going to be a diaster coming soon, and when i least expected it.
the rest of the evening was oddly calm. not until i unloaded him from our car did i look down to see poop. all. over. my. shirt. and one toothy little grin.