i'm just going to be completely honest. when i get online, wanting nothing more than to read some of my favorite blogs and they haven't updated in a few days...well, it's not pretty. there's clothes ripping, gnashing of the teeth, and scraping my skin with rocks, asking "WHY GOD!? WHY?!"
and then i go back to my own blog and realize that it's been a week (or, you know, 5) since i've written anything. it's not like i have a ton of readers (hi mom!), but it's odd how you can quickly feel like you owe the 7 people in the world who read your blog some material.
so, you're welcome.
i wish i had an excuse for neglecting my blog...you know, like that i was contacted to be a professional mommy blogger and can't write until the contract is done, i was running for senate, finding a cure for the hangnail.
but alas. i have nothing. i'm a poor, poor example of a blogger. and for that, i will forever apologize.
yesterday my dad asked me if i thought that being a parent was what i had envisioned it to be. and to be honest, i'm constantly torn between being completely surprised that we're all still alive and thinking it's a cake walk. you know what i mean, right?
there are days where i am completely defeated. the monster cries, i can't stand to change one more diaper, and it seems like every article of clothing i own is covered in vomit, poo, or pee.
and then there is every other day. the days where i feel like i'm actually sort of winning at this mom-thing. the days where jonas's face lights up when he sees me. the days where i watch jonas and john talk to each other. when zeusy licks jonas's foot and he smiles. the nights where he sleeps through the night, when he nuzzles up against me, when he's so intrigued with his toys.
those are the days, my friends, where i feel like charlie bucket, shouting "i've got the golden ticket!" while running and dancing in the streets of london.
jonas is quickly growing up and out of what john considers "acceptable baby clothes". he's in that weird awkward stage where things are either a great length and horribly baggy, or fit around the body perfectly, but there's a permanent wedgie up my son's butt.
he's almost 3 months old (on the eighth, actually), and is one day closer to being 13 weeks old. i catch myself every friday lost in this cloud that X amount of weeks ago i was in labor. that i was busy bringing life in this world. and then i harvest my corn on facebook's 'farmtown'.
on the marriage front...it's going so very well. it's not like i've thought our marriage was ever in trouble, but like any relationship, there's going to be tense times (especially in that first year of marriage). but lately...lately i've never felt more honored than to be married to john. i've felt more confident in myself and where we are going in life. and i think it's partially because i've tried so hard lately to become more submissive to john.
it's not like he's the master of this house. it's not like he bosses me around. but for me it means that he is the head of our family, and i have faith that he will make the decisions that will make us thrive. it means that i am respecting him with all that i am, and in turn, his love and affection has increased even more than before. and in turn, i'm able to respect him more, which brings more love.
it's like a giant squishy circle of love and respect.
i think that's all i have right now...you know, until i do the whole "show us your life" thing later tonight.