Monday, August 31, 2009

lovah.

can i just proclaim my love for google reader?

I LOVE YOU, GOOGLE READER.

i've always had you, just never utilized you...until now. i love how crisp everything is, how it knocks out all ads (damn those distractions!), and how i can still read my favorite blogs all in one place.

i think i also love how no one profits from it...not dooce, not the pioneer woman, not perez. i mean, shoot. i love reading them, but do they really need 2 cents from me every time i come to their site?

nah.

so god bless the google reader. for it is so very, very good.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

stretched.

it's been an emotional week.

strike that.

it's been an unbearably emotional week.

i've been pressed and pulled in more directions than i knew was possible. it's like i'm one of those stretch armstrong toys; i'm being pulled in different ways just to see how far i can go.

it's been unbearable.

...

it's been an emotional week.

strike that.

it's been an unbearably emotional week.

i've found myself relying on others to take some of my burden. i've clung to my faith with white knuckles. i've found myself lost in prayer, asking for wisdom, patience, understanding, and comfort.

it's been unbearable.

but it's the trials, the hiccups, the roadblocks, the days where the sun struggles to break free of the clouds that we find growth. it's then where we find happiness greater than we ever knew, just waiting on the other side.

i'm not to the other side. not yet. but daily i'm getting closer, with john by my side, hand in hand.

and that makes all the difference.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

growth

we've been working with jonas on sitting up and crawling for a month or two now.

yeah, i know he's not even 4 months old yet. but he's so strong (and luckily on the skinny side, so he's able to support himself easier). so with the crawling, he can get his feet underneath him, legs straight, butt up high in the air. it's super cute. he also has been putting more weight on just his hands and knees lately...which is great! he hitches around, using arms and toes to move around the floor and crib.

with sitting, he's just started to be able to sit REALLY hunched over, unsupported. he can't sit that way for very long at all, but i'm still so proud. he tries SO hard!

i think that we may start doing a dash of rice cereal mixed in with breastmilk before bedtime. the past few nights he's started to wake up during the night HUNGRY. he's been able to sleep 8:30 to about 4am, eat, then back to sleep until 6 or so to eat again. but his "new" schedule is sleeping at 8:30p, up at 2a, up at 4, and up at 5:45am. which is not working to make a happy momma, seeing that the past few weeks i've been the one pulling solo baby shifts (since john has been getting up at 4:45am for work). and i'll be going solo AGAIN for the next 8 weeks, once john starts working overnight.

blegh.

anyway, we go in thursday for his 4 month wellbaby check, and i can't wait! i can't wait to see how big he's getting, making sure he's where he's supposed to be in regards to milestones and growth charts.

...

besides that, that's all i can currently (comfortably) share. there's a lot brewing, but nothing that can be disclosed as of yet. maybe eventually!

Monday, August 24, 2009

wet.

i work in a prosthodontics office...which is a VERY specialized form of dentistry. we specialize in prosthesis, restoration, tmj, and dental implants.

that said, the average age of our patients is around, oh, 65-70 years old.

when being a new mama, dealing with people of that age day in and day out, well, it can be trying. i get double the parenting advice i would normally receive in other lines of work (not to mention the amount of "advice" i got while pregnant).

last week, one of my absolute favorite patients asked me who watched jonas while i was at work. it's not an uncommon question, so i thought nothing of it. i let her know that during the work week, i take one day off, john watches him 1-2 days, and my grandma watches him the remaining days. and then she said it.

"oh, that's nice. but aren't you afraid he wont know who you are?"

and then she gathered her things and left.

and then i went to the bathroom and cried. and cried. and when i didn't think i could cry anymore, i went back to work. my cheeks still wet with tears. it wasn't until tonight that i told john what she had said and how badly it had wounded me.

he reassured me to not listen to her, that i spend more time with jonas than anyone else. that jonas loves me. that jonas knows me.

of course i knew this already. i really did. it's just crazy to think about how focused you can be, thinking you are doing the best job possible at being a mom and how one remark can make you question everything.

i'm proud that i work full-time (well, 32 hours a week). i'm proud that i make pretty decent money. i'm proud that i work hard.

i'm not super mom by any means. but i try my best every day...and that's all i can hope for.

Friday, August 21, 2009

to john

john,

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i will follow you, where ever you choose to go.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i trust you, have faith in you, believe in you.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i admire you, respect you, cherish you.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i can't wait to be like this with you:


i want you to know that i love you.

wendy

Monday, August 17, 2009

flapjacks


if it's a warm day and we're together, don't be alarmed if you suddenly get a craving for pancakes. and there's no need to look around to see if we happened to be teleported to a local ihop. no my friends...it's just me.

you see, i've never really had the greatest of milk supplies. sure, i yield sufficient amounts of breastmilk for jonas, but i am growing tired of having to supplement him with formula when i'm not around. i want him to have breastmilk (alone) as much as possible...because it really is best for the monster. so i grew a wild hair and decided to try out fenugreek.

the wonderful thing about fenugreek, for all of you who haven't tried it, is that a side effect you CANNOT avoid is the scent of maple syrup that appears in your pee and sweat.

so like i said, if it's a warm day and you find yourself craving pancakes (and you aren't pregnant) then chances are you're standing a little downwind from me.



you're welcome.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

because explanation is needed...

I am an expert in the art of self-deprecation. And blogs are usually focused in one central theme. The theme of this blog is me, myself, and I. Well, that along with some husband and monster baby.

That being said, you can be pretty positive that anything you see on this blog is centered around....you guessed it! Me! Not just because I'm the center of the universe, but also because my life is what I know. I don't write about your life because I probably don't know you well enough to do more than say "she has a face. And TWO eyes. And skin!" And if I was writing about you, I'd add one of those nifty hyperlinks. Because honestly, I just learned how to do them successfully and now i can't stop.

So take what is written here with a grain of salt, realize it's just words on teh internetz, and it's unashamedly about me. And bodily functions. Most of which are my own.

limelight

i think people like dooce have really made all other mom's (or people) who blog think that they're the next rising star in the blogosphere.

i'm not going to lie, it makes me happy to see new followers, comments from strangers, bigger blog stats each day. it really does. and it's not like i'm even a good writer. i are from arkansas n spellin n stuff like that is hard.

but seriously. i write like stinky, stinky poo, but think that i'm entitled to this huge readership and an invite to the blogHer conference and endorsement deals and pretty soon i'll be trying to get on the today show. because people who write one huge sentence like that last one DESERVVVVVVVE it.

maybe it'd help if i had ads on my blog. i have friends who have it on their blogs, and it's their choice to do so. personally, i'm too anal about making sure that my layout is crisp looking, and ads distract me and annoy me a little. plus, the google ads? ugh. i enjoy how they try to pick-up on your blog , but damnit if you don't blog about a great new recipe for bread when you suddenly have ads for vagisil up and down your blog. and while knowing my options on anti-yeast infection meds is important, so is being able to read a blog without gagging on the content of the ads.

because reading what i write should induce vomitting on its own.

sigh. i need some doritos.

Monday, August 10, 2009

lahyme!

sweet baby jesus in a tuxedo shirt, have you people looked at the sky? it's not unlike the smackdown between hollywood hulk hogan and nature boy--awe inspiring.

and yes, i just used a 1980s wrestling reference to describe the weather. because i'm just that amazing.

anyway, last night we were able to venture out to the brand spanking new home of the stallings. while there, we watched "wall-e", and jonas freaking loved it. i'm serious. that kid sat in our laps and watched the majority of the movie, completely engrossed with the plot.

okay, maybe not the plot itself, but he sure liked all the crazy contrast, colors, and motion.

he's been living up to his name lately, becoming more and more cranky. he's SUPER happy when he's eating and right after he wakes up...he's content to play for a while, but besides that, he's SUPER cranky. i'm sure compared to some babies he's still considered human, but man. it's getting out of control. and the drool. what we once thought was a waterfall is now thought of as a trickle. we NOW know what a waterfall of drool is like, and it's contstant. and icky. and...drooly.

the past few nights i've been swaddlin' him up to teach him how to sleep on his back. because, you know, he rolls over. and he FLINGS himself around his crib anyway, so he might as well not freak out when he finds himself belly up. he can for sure roll from belly to back, and we're working on back to belly (he's soooo close). he's been doing this "hitching" thing (that's what i think it's called, anyway) where he scoots himself across the floor or turns himself around using fingers, toes, and pure determination.

mondays.

Friday, August 7, 2009

ta-da.

you know you've arrived when someone finds your blog searching for "foreskin" and "shaved booty".


i'm surprised blogHer isn't knocking down my door this instant.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

whoopsie.

i'm just going to be completely honest. when i get online, wanting nothing more than to read some of my favorite blogs and they haven't updated in a few days...well, it's not pretty. there's clothes ripping, gnashing of the teeth, and scraping my skin with rocks, asking "WHY GOD!? WHY?!"

and then i go back to my own blog and realize that it's been a week (or, you know, 5) since i've written anything. it's not like i have a ton of readers (hi mom!), but it's odd how you can quickly feel like you owe the 7 people in the world who read your blog some material.

so, you're welcome.

i wish i had an excuse for neglecting my blog...you know, like that i was contacted to be a professional mommy blogger and can't write until the contract is done, i was running for senate, finding a cure for the hangnail.

but alas. i have nothing. i'm a poor, poor example of a blogger. and for that, i will forever apologize.

...

yesterday my dad asked me if i thought that being a parent was what i had envisioned it to be. and to be honest, i'm constantly torn between being completely surprised that we're all still alive and thinking it's a cake walk. you know what i mean, right?

there are days where i am completely defeated. the monster cries, i can't stand to change one more diaper, and it seems like every article of clothing i own is covered in vomit, poo, or pee.

and then there is every other day. the days where i feel like i'm actually sort of winning at this mom-thing. the days where jonas's face lights up when he sees me. the days where i watch jonas and john talk to each other. when zeusy licks jonas's foot and he smiles. the nights where he sleeps through the night, when he nuzzles up against me, when he's so intrigued with his toys.

those are the days, my friends, where i feel like charlie bucket, shouting "i've got the golden ticket!" while running and dancing in the streets of london.

...

jonas is quickly growing up and out of what john considers "acceptable baby clothes". he's in that weird awkward stage where things are either a great length and horribly baggy, or fit around the body perfectly, but there's a permanent wedgie up my son's butt.

he's almost 3 months old (on the eighth, actually), and is one day closer to being 13 weeks old. i catch myself every friday lost in this cloud that X amount of weeks ago i was in labor. that i was busy bringing life in this world. and then i harvest my corn on facebook's 'farmtown'.

...

on the marriage front...it's going so very well. it's not like i've thought our marriage was ever in trouble, but like any relationship, there's going to be tense times (especially in that first year of marriage). but lately...lately i've never felt more honored than to be married to john. i've felt more confident in myself and where we are going in life. and i think it's partially because i've tried so hard lately to become more submissive to john.

it's not like he's the master of this house. it's not like he bosses me around. but for me it means that he is the head of our family, and i have faith that he will make the decisions that will make us thrive. it means that i am respecting him with all that i am, and in turn, his love and affection has increased even more than before. and in turn, i'm able to respect him more, which brings more love.

it's like a giant squishy circle of love and respect.

...

i think that's all i have right now...you know, until i do the whole "show us your life" thing later tonight.