Tuesday, May 26, 2009

@#$^&@*!%!!

so, if you couldn't tell by the title of this lovely little post, our freaking washing machine DID IT AGAIN. i mean, seriously. seriously. it's baby clothes. covered in baby goo. i had put them off the past couple of days because i was terrfied of the last time i washed anything and i needed a motorboat to make it through the house. so i made SURE that it was on the lightest, most gentle setting out there...and BOOM! flooding ensued.

oh, and today i got an email from the twitter experiment that i'm a part of saying that while they highly enjoyed my photo of jonas looking PISSED off at me and the fact that i printed my contract on crazy colored paper because we were out of white paper that i forgot to write up a bio.

so then i sat here for like a freaking hour trying to write something about myself (which, come on...i write about myself daily without even thinking about it...but maybe i should?) and i swear to you, the suckiest of writing came out of me.

i'm not even a GOOD writer by anyone's standards, but this was seriously crappy. john gave me that "omg, srsly?" smile when i read to him what i had worked so hard on. so i junked everything i had, closed my eyes, starting jamming my fingers against the keyboard, and got something that was passable at best.

Here...this is what i submitted:

It's hard to try to balance being the newlywed wife to a cop, working full-time, and maintaining your sanity. I didn't think life could get anymore complicated...and then it did with the birth of our first child, Jonas in May.

I'm going to admit right now that I'm a just a tad bit eccentric. Maybe it's the Beatles tattoos, maybe it's the clothes I wear, maybe it's because I call my newborn my little monster...whatever it is, it somehow just makes sense. I spend my down time trying to conjure up Georgia O'Keefe-inspired paintings, pestering my husband, and accidently showering my newborn with breastmilk. I like to watch documentaries about serial killers, but can't stand the sight of blood. Yahtzee is the only game I want to play with my husband because it's the only one I win. I have a healthy appreciation for salami sandwiches and chocolate milkshakes. And I may have named Jonas after two of the main characters of one of my favorite books.

Welcome to my life.





so after doing ALL of that, i'm pretty sure i went to the website where they are loading the mom info for everyone as quickly as they can. and everyone else on the freaking site either has 72 kids at home, adopted their kid, went through years of IVF, or other sweet, heart-tugging stories.

and me? I SPRAY MY KID WITH BREASTMILK AND LIKE SERIAL KILLERS. what was i thinking!?


just shoot me now, please?

blegh.

3 comments:

Leslye Bourquin said...

i was looking through stock-illustrations at work this morning...and thought of you when i saw this one:

http://www.theispot.com/stock/index.cfm?resetsaved=&artistname=Ken+Orvidas&searchforinformation=&dateuploaded=&clientsearchid=699951590527121106&searchstock=&searchsource=&searchtype=all&clientnumber=i581&recordsPerPage=18&page=12

(second row, third from the left.) :)

*although your monster is much much cuter...and i doubt you ever walk around in gray-ankle-length nighties. (and make horrendous looking faces)

Alli said...

LOL! FWIW, your bio on the SnS site is what brought me to your blog...it was the most interesting and fun.

Love your blog! I had a baby girl on May 7, so it's fun to see what another mom with a baby the same age is doing, too. I'll definitely be back to read more! :)

Rebekah said...

I read over the bios of a lot of the ladies on SnS and by far yours was the most interesting and real, in my opinion. =)