Tuesday, May 26, 2009

@#$^&@*!%!!

so, if you couldn't tell by the title of this lovely little post, our freaking washing machine DID IT AGAIN. i mean, seriously. seriously. it's baby clothes. covered in baby goo. i had put them off the past couple of days because i was terrfied of the last time i washed anything and i needed a motorboat to make it through the house. so i made SURE that it was on the lightest, most gentle setting out there...and BOOM! flooding ensued.

oh, and today i got an email from the twitter experiment that i'm a part of saying that while they highly enjoyed my photo of jonas looking PISSED off at me and the fact that i printed my contract on crazy colored paper because we were out of white paper that i forgot to write up a bio.

so then i sat here for like a freaking hour trying to write something about myself (which, come on...i write about myself daily without even thinking about it...but maybe i should?) and i swear to you, the suckiest of writing came out of me.

i'm not even a GOOD writer by anyone's standards, but this was seriously crappy. john gave me that "omg, srsly?" smile when i read to him what i had worked so hard on. so i junked everything i had, closed my eyes, starting jamming my fingers against the keyboard, and got something that was passable at best.

Here...this is what i submitted:

It's hard to try to balance being the newlywed wife to a cop, working full-time, and maintaining your sanity. I didn't think life could get anymore complicated...and then it did with the birth of our first child, Jonas in May.

I'm going to admit right now that I'm a just a tad bit eccentric. Maybe it's the Beatles tattoos, maybe it's the clothes I wear, maybe it's because I call my newborn my little monster...whatever it is, it somehow just makes sense. I spend my down time trying to conjure up Georgia O'Keefe-inspired paintings, pestering my husband, and accidently showering my newborn with breastmilk. I like to watch documentaries about serial killers, but can't stand the sight of blood. Yahtzee is the only game I want to play with my husband because it's the only one I win. I have a healthy appreciation for salami sandwiches and chocolate milkshakes. And I may have named Jonas after two of the main characters of one of my favorite books.

Welcome to my life.





so after doing ALL of that, i'm pretty sure i went to the website where they are loading the mom info for everyone as quickly as they can. and everyone else on the freaking site either has 72 kids at home, adopted their kid, went through years of IVF, or other sweet, heart-tugging stories.

and me? I SPRAY MY KID WITH BREASTMILK AND LIKE SERIAL KILLERS. what was i thinking!?


just shoot me now, please?

blegh.

rest.

while it's been great having family around for the past several days, things to do, running here and there, it's unbelievably nice to have a break and have it just be us.

this morning john had an interview at work, so i tried to be this caring and thoughtful wife and decided to do baby duty on my own last night.

OH MY GAWD.

it seriously was so hard. it wasn't hard in that jonas had a rough night...he actually had a great night! i just couldn't sleep because i was so worried about catching jonas's needs before he started to whimper too loudly so that john wouldn't be disturbed. so that meant that i was all hover-y and paranoid and frankly i just got stressed out. i could never be one of those parents who are all up in the kid's business because it's just too exhausting.

i've come to the conclusion that the days where jonas is held for hours and hours means that we will NOT sleep that night because he slept all day in the comfort of arms and laps. so i may be implementing a time-limit of how long he can be held at any given point because while it may upset the arms that want to snuggle all day with him, dude, we're the ones who suffer at night.

oh, and i love cottage cheese.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

brand new day

after the hell like day yesterday, today had to be better, right?

it totally was. jonas had one of his not so good nights last night, so the entire family slept in til past 11am. I got dressed, and john helped me get jonas all ready to go go go! the beast and I went to my parents' to fill out my contract for the sling and swaddle journey that starts June 1st (ps check out www.hotslings.com and look at the Indian summer pattern...that's the one I'm getting free!)

after that, we headed to target to grab a couple of things, and then came back to the house to eat leftover Chinese food with john for lunch.


having a child changes you. geez...that's cliché, huh? but seriously, it does. the first time I saw jonas, I knew I was a goner. it was close to the same feeling when I first saw john-just magnified. immediately I knew that my heart belonged to this boy, and that I would do anything in my power to ensure his safety. it's the reason why I started to weep when I saw him that first second. it's why I cry when I think about him and how amazing his life is. even when he does projectile poops all over me.

Friday, May 22, 2009

i'm the crazy one.

jonas,

you are officially 2 weeks old today! TWO WEEKS! you have been a joy in just about every way possible, and i can't even begin to imagine life without you.

i consider myself pretty laid-back with you. i'm all about attachment parenting and trying to give you support and confidence as well as love. you eat when you are hungry, be it every 2 hours or every 4+ (although if we're leaving the house for a couple of hours at a time, i try to semi-schedule leaving the house for the minute you're done feeding so we can maximize our time).

and while i'm pretty easy going when it comes to you, i'm pretty sure that i've woken myself up many times to make sure you will still breathing. because that's sane.

you are currently snoozing in your crib for nap time...we are trying to slowly get you comfortable with sleeping in there so that when we eventually transition you from your co-sleeper to your crib you'll already be used to it.

i'm sort of struggling right now because i know i have to go back to work in the middle of june. jonas...i don't want to go back. i don't want to be away from you for 9 hours a day, i don't want to miss everything that you do, all of those milestones that i will just have to hear about second-hand. i know that i have to go back to work in june because our family needs me to...but it doesn't mean i have to like it. i'm going to see what my possibilities are--maybe only working monday-thursday or perhaps seeing if you could come in with me on fridays when i'm there just to answer phones and do busy work and we have no patients. or maybe if i could work from home on fridays...i'm sure we will figure something out.

i love you.
mommy

seriously?

i think that someone has created a voodoo doll of me and has proceeded to make sure that today completely sucked.

today, cousin kim (along with aunt barbara and uncle gary) made the trek to take some baby pics of jonas. while trying to soothe jonas to sleep, he managed to spit up on the skirt of my dress...which was easily cleaned without worry.

a little while later, i was going to take a photo or two with the beast when it was decided to have him be nakey for just a minute while i leaned over him and gave him a kiss.

guess who decided to have projectile poop come out of their butt? poop that not only shot all over their mother's dress, but also all over tiny bit of rug that was exposed.

oh, yeah, that'd be my son.

again, no biggie. i cleaned myself up, wiped his tush, and after the guests had left popped the rug into the washing machine with just cold water (no soap) to try to get the majority of the poop off.

i put the rug into the washer around 2:05, fed jonas, and by 2:30 i know that jonas, john, zeus, and i were all asleep.

fast-forward 30 minutes to john saying, "wake up, baby. wake up!"

i muttered something in a very unpleasant voice like, "john. i'm seriously taking a nap."

to which he said, "our house is flooded."


well, that woke me up in a hurry. thinking that surely he was kidding, i put my left foot on the floor and realized that it was SOAKING wet. i quickly surveyed the house, and yes, the entire kitchen along with half of our living room (which is so nicely covered in laminate wood flooring) was standing in about 1/2 an inch of water.

i ran to my parents' house to get their shop vac while john went to wal-mart to buy one of our own. by the time i got home, john had pretty much suctioned up the standing water. i made it my mission to get as much water as humanly possible out from under the laminate wood flooring. it's a little "squishy" sounding when you walk in certain places, and right now we are just praying so hard that the flooring is okay. we really don't have the $thousands$ of bucks to buy new flooring...especially with a rent house. and i'm pretty sure that i cried the entire way to and from my parents' house because i am a bit of a worrier and could just see our landlords suing us because we didn't have the money to buy them new floors.

damn washing machine and it deciding to NOT DRAIN.

oh, and i didn't make jonas's diaper quite tight enough, and you know he peed out of it.

i guess the plus sides are this:
*our floors are now really, really clean
*the baby's rug is in the process of being really, really clean
*we know that i won't puke when i get baby crap (literally) all over me
*because of the flooding, we decided to forego the healthy tilapia dinner i was going to make and instead got chinese, ice cream, and a large coke


and i'm spent. let's just hope we can make it to bed without further incident.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

sling & swaddle journey

a few weeks ago i was reading one of my favorite blogs, and saw that there was this contest put on by hotslings and miracle blanket. the general idea was that you had to have a baby that was going to be under 16 weeks old by june 30th, had to be able to "tweet" three times a day about your experiences, and had to be open to trying swaddling and using a sling.

and so i entered, having to submit a photo of john and i, my belly, and the monster's nursery (because i didn't have a photo of jonas and i together yet), a small bio...you know, regular information. i really thought nothing of it until this afternoon when i opened my email and saw this:

CONGRATULATIONS!

and realized that i had been selected as one of the thirty mom's across the US and canada to be part of this experience. by being selected, they'll set me up with a twitter account, hook me up with a miracle blanket and a hotsling (which, i already have one of each...but extras for free?? yes, please!). one mom will be chosen as the "winner" at the end of the 30 days, and will recieve some awesome swag as a result of the number of their followers, the number of updates, photos, etc.

i know that i wont win...but man, i'm really stoked. really stoked!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

all you can eat

I most certainly did NOT shower my child and a fleece blanket with breastmilk this afternoon. And if I HAD done this, I most surely would have realized it instead of seeing it minutes later.

On a similar note, nothing cracks me up more than when jonas is finished eating and he passes out on the boppy, milk still on his chin like he's completely drunk and unable to move.

playdate

jonas had his first playdate today with maggie and hayden (the awesome kiddos i used to watch).

when we pulled up, maggie flung open the front door and yelled,"WENDY! BABY JONAS!" and from that point on, it was all about how much baby jonas loved her, what baby jonas's favorite movie was, that did wendy's belly REALLY open up??, why didn't wendy pack a lunch for baby jonas...you get the picture.

it was so much fun...we can't wait to do it again!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

jonas things

1. our baby has the most incredibly delicious dimples. i can't get enough of them!

2. jonas started cluster feeding today...which means a million feedings and twice as many dirty diapers.

3. i'm pretty sure he has a blocked tear duct. i'm starting to massage it and praying it clears up very soon.

4. 19lbs of baby are gone, and its great!

5. today cari and sarah came to visit, and it was fantastic. i miss them so much!

6. dimples!! yum!

7. john!! yum!

and i'm spent.

Friday, May 15, 2009

one week

jonas,

today you are one week old. ONE WEEK! and your daddy and i are still alive (as are you).



so far, my little monster, you have been really nice to us. you eat, you sleep, and you crap your pants. and that, my friend, is amazing. we sleep fairly well in 2-3 hour spurts, and you've finally graduated from sleeping with us in the bed to sleeping all night in your co-sleeper.

you are a pro when it comes to breastfeeding, and trust me when i say that it really makes me feel like i'm doing something right when you eat like you do. maybe it's the milkshakes from mcdonalds that i desire that make eating for you more appealing, or maybe it's because it's cozy time for you and me...whatever it is, you're doing incredible. keep it up, big boy.

to celebrate your one week birthday we got you your first ugly doll. while we realize it may be silly to get you a present for just being a week old...hey, you're a week old!!



and you also gave me a gift--so far 17 pounds are gone and out of the way, and i can not only see my ankles, but i can actually make out bones in my feet. and let me tell you that being able to wear shoes like a human being is an amazing thing.

your dad is the biggest support i could have. he changes basically all of the diapers, takes you early in the mornig to the other room so i can sleep longer, cleans up around the house, and verbally gives me affirmation that i'm doing a good job. without him here this first week...well, i don't even know how we would have turned out. because of him, i've been able to shower at leisure, rest when i need to, and not go insane. we love your daddy.

love,
momma

the birth of the monster

i'm not going to lie. when we found out that we were NOT going in thursday, may 7th to be induced, i was bummed. i was okay knowing that at the very worst case i'd be meeting jonas by wednesday the 13th...but it seemed so far away.

i tried to go to sleep thursday night, but for some reason i just couldn't. around 1am i started to feel so sort of random pain in my abdomen that would come and go every twenty minutes or so. i thought it might have been contractions, but really had no clue what they felt like. the only description i kept reading over and over online was that they'd feel like period cramps at first. and i'd never had cramps in my life.

figuring that worst case it was some gas that needed to be worked out, i went to wal-mart at 2am to walk around. while i was gone, john looked up other "symptoms". i came back home around 2:30am or so, and really had to go to the bathroom. it was then that i saw that i was bleeding slightly...and i realized that this may be labor.

john and i went to bed, and we started to time my pains...and they were coming about every 10 minutes and getting stronger each time. we decided that we'd wait it out at home, and then head to the hospital around 7 in the morning. i mean, worse case scenario is that they laugh at me and send me home.

we had to speed things up a little bit because by 6am, contractions were coming about every 4-6 minutes. so we got to the hospital about 6:45am and were admitted not too long afterwards. the charge nurse decided that we would admit me no matter what because i was already scheduled to be induced in a few days and they had an empty bed.

at 9am, the doc came to check me. i was still at just over 2cm's, and he broke my water. i was soon hooked up to my iv's of saline and pitocin (used t just make my contractions stronger).

i'm not going to lie--that stuff works. quickly. soon the contractions were reaching the point of becoming unbearable. i was trying to breathe through them, crying a little bit because, well, it hurt. i looked at john and begged him to find the "drug man".

it took what seemed like hours (HOURS i tell you!) for the "drug lady" to make it to us (but in reality, it was probably only 30 minutes or so--she was in surgery helping with an emergency c-section).

the epidural was placed without incident, and almost immediately i started to get numb. and my friends, life was amazing.

i'm not even kidding. life was great and could feel NOTHING.

the nurse came to check me again around 11:30 or so, and i was dilated to 5cm. i was stoked, enjoying my ice chips and watching "law & order" as our family members began to pour in. jasmine would help "baby-sit" me while the others grabbed lunch and took a breather.

somewhere around 1pm the nurse checked me again. she looked at me, and told me that i was going to laugh...and that i was at 9cm.

and i did laugh, because dang it, i still felt nada thing. and if i did feel just the slightest bit of pain, i'd use my little "margarita shooter" to gimme some more relief.

everyone was kicked out of the room, and john and i rested for a little bit. and it was nice for it to be just us before chaos was to hit. the nurse came back to check me around 2, and said it was go time. she prepped the room, bringing out all of these gizmos that were hiding in a closet in the room, and set up a table full of medical instruments.

just before 3, we started to do some test pushes, just so we could see what was going on. after doing several, she told me that i was doing great, and that jonas would be here very soon. i can't remember if john asked her or if i did about how long she thought it may take. she replied that 20 minutes should do the trick.

i got so excited. just 20 more minutes!?!? how awesome!

unfortunately, jonas didn't want to cooperate. i'd push and push and push my hardest, and any progress that would be made while i pushed would be completely nullified when i stopped. he'd go back in to where he was originally every single time. the nurse began to get a little concerned, and asked another nurse to come in and check if jonas was sunny-side up. after about 15 minutes, they deteremined that he was in the right position...he just couldn't get past my pubic bone.

at this point, i'm starting to get tired. really tired. right above me there was a piece of reflective gas, and i looked up into it. and i saw blood. a lot of blood. i think she saw me looking at it, because she said that i had torn around my tushie a bit, and that later on when the doc would come, she'd tell me exactly how, when, and where to direct my pushing to prevent more damage.

i'm not sure if it was the blood or not breathing because all of the pushing (or the combo of it), but i soon began to throw up. because that's what i do. they cleaned me up and applied cool washclothes to my neck and face. john began to fan me with a piece of paper. little did he know that he'd be fanning for atleast another hour.

eventually the point came where the doc was back in the room, ready to catch jonas. i was pushing so hard, trying my hardest, but i was getting so tired. i cried once in a while, and told them that i couldn't do it. that i was done, and that was that. of course, they told me no.

i suddenly began to hear scissors clipping, and i knew that he was giving me an episiotomy. at that point, i didn't care. i just needed to be done. i couldn't go much longer.

i hear john telling me to open my eyes and to look down, and i told him that i couldn't, that i'd get sick. he told me again to open my eyes...and that's when i saw him. there he was, this sreaming child. the first thing i could say was, "is it really a boy?" to which i got a reassuring yes. they placed jonas on my chest, and i began to just weep. he was so beautiful. and he was here. in my arms.

and here we are, just one week later. it was such an incredible feeling watching john hold jonas for the first time. i could see john's heart overfilling with love, and that, my friends, is the most amazing thing to witness.

oh jonas, if you only knew how our hearts beat for you. you truly light up my life, and i treasure the way that your daddy is with you. i always knew that john would be a great dad, but i never realized how much so.

our little family is now whole because of you, little monster.

Bliss

I've never known truer bliss than sitting in our dark bedroom while nursing our absolutely beautifully created child.

I understand now. I understand.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

booger.

it's been an incredible first few days with jonas in our world. i'm working on his birth story, but until then, just some basic jabber.

today we went to jonas's first check-up since leaving the hospital. he's looking great (although i was told that i looked really pale and needed to start taking iron supplements).

at birth:

8lbs 9oz
21.25 inches

at 5 days:

8lbs 0oz
22 inches


we had to wait a little while in the exam room before the doc was able to see us. and this, my friends, is how my child decided to entertain himself.



all i can say is like father, like son.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

quickly

we're exhausted. i'm sore (a 4th degree episotomy being the culprit). nights are days and days are...still days. and we're completely in love.

jonas asher alexander entered this world with the lungs of a death metal lead singer on friday, may 8th at 5:12pm.

i have a feeling we're on the verge of learning about someone who is completely amazing. we can't wait.

Friday, May 8, 2009

So

Um, I'm having a baby sometime today.

No joke, I'm 9cm dilated, looking sexy in my hospital gown, (and obviously using the epidural).


Pictures soon!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

you're invited...

so yesterday we went to the doctor. yeah, you know, because i so highly enjoy being poked and prodded where it should be illegal to.

anyway, he said that we could start the inducing process. which made us excited because it's nice to know atleast a date where the madness will end. so he told us that he would try to get us in that night, and if not, it'd be tuesday night at 5pm because he had to be out of town this weekend (and we really want him to deliver jonas).

so when 7pm rolled around and we hadn't heard anything, i called L&D just to see if they knew anything so we could figure out what to do about work (for john that night, and me the next day). the charge nurse said that i couldn't come in that night, but they have me down for 10am on thursday morning. after double checking a couple of times, she was certain that was when i was supposed to be going in.

john and i then started the fun (not really though) process of calling family members, work, and friends to let them know what the scoop was.

like an hour later, our doc called us to let us know that the nurse was incorrect, and that we wouldn't be able to come in until tuesday night.

honestly, while a little bummed, i'm not overly upset. of course i want to see jonas sooner than later, but we're having a kid within the week no matter what. and that doesn't suck at all. it WAS a pain in the butt to have to call people back and tell them "just kidding!" besides that, though, no harm no foul.

the doc said that if jonas doesn't come on his own before then, that we will check into the hospital around 5pm on tuesday night, they'll administer what i'm guessing is cervidil (i'm sure i just butchered that), and that most people deliver around 12pm the next day.

what we're planning on doing is to check-in at 5ish or just before then (so the admissions desk will still be open), chill out and get comfy as possible, and then have parents/family/friends think about coming up early early wednesday morning. the doc said there isn't a reason to "bring in all the troops" because they'll just be sitting and waiting for nothing for SEVERAL several hours.

so that's the plan. worst case, baby sometime next wednesday. best case, baby sometime before then.

tick, tock.

(ps, our kid's birthday will most likely be may 13th...which you know ends up in friday the 13th birthdays. for a halloween mom, that makes me glad.)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

sorry..

i apologize for the mountain of blogs today, but i just needed to talk about this...

i don't understand how anyone can deny God's existance when He's given us this ability:

amazing.

people can say it's just modern medicine, but there's oh-so much more than that involved.

lookin' good

so i don't know what it is about me today, but daaaaannnng...i'm lookin' good. i mean, i don't want to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP, baby.

okay, so i'm sort of kidding. sort of. i've just received more compliments about how cute i was in the past 3 hours than i have in 9 months. maybe it's sympathy because i'm the only pregnant chick not birthin' today. or maybe it's because i can be mistaken for this:


(funny enough, i'm wearing a dazzling gray and pink combo today.)

but i don't care...i'm eatin' it up.

this morning i had the oddly hard decision on what shoes to wear. should i wear boots? or should i wear the cute slides i want to wear but hesitate to because my left food ends up looking like a loaf of bread rising in the pan?



yeah. i chose the "loafy" option. i really don't care what the feet look like, but just didn't want to scare the kids, you know?

atleast they don't smell yeasty.

babies!!!

today two of my friends are will be having babies! i'm so excited for both of them, and can't wait until playdates can happen with all three of our little boys. i have a feeling that finn, jackson, and jonas will for sure be friends.

please keep kanya and jaye t. in your prayers today as they have the experience that will forever change their lives. pray for comfort, safe deliveries for mommas and babies, and brave daddies to change that first biohazardous diaper.

yay for the babies!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

on being pregnant

over these past 112 months of being pregnant, i've had some pretty deep realizations strike me. come with me through the fun that is my final stage pregnancy...

the belly touch

as long as i know you, i honestly don't care if you touch my stomach, with or without asking. this is because i know who you are, and have some sort of level of comfort with you just for that pure reason.

but the man at the mall today? i'm sorry, but not only are you a dude, but you're a dude who i don't know, and wouldn't even trust refilling my coke. so no, my sir, you may not touch my belly.

the comments

yes, i realize that i am massive. i get this. like i've said, i'm just about 112 months pregnant. this is to be expected.

but seriously, there's ony so much self-esteem a person can have (especially when pregnant) when you're told day in and day out how big you are. i get it. i have eyes and a mirror. i can see it. i don't need the extra comments (unless it's telling me how you mistook me for heidi klum at first glance).

the unsolicited

i am probably the biggest advocate of getting advice from various sources. it helps me process a ton of different ways to do something, all of the possible scenarios, and lets me filter and mold it until there's something that works for me.

i love advice, be it from a friend, family member, or the internets.

but when it's unsolicited OPINIONS on how i should dress my child, experience labor, how far apart i should spread my pregnancies, what i should eat, should i immunize my child, etc...well, then there's going to be an issue. because that isn't helpful. that's saying that your way is THE only way to do this, and frankly, it's annoying. and it just makes me smile and nod at you while i'm really punching you in the face in my mind.

if i want to dress my child only in white onesies and purple socks, then by george, he's going to only wear white onesies and purple socks. if i want to have a cup of coffee or a cold deli meat sandwich and that offends you, then turn your head, my friend. because salami's on the menu. and WHEN i get my epidural, and if i decide to be induced and you don't like it, then don't come to the hospital while it's happening. because i've researched reasons for most of the things i do...and it's all good.

on clothes

i have actually gotten more grief than i thought i would about the clothes i've worn since being pregnant. i'm sorry, but going out and buying a bunch of maternity clothes (for me) didn't make sense. sure, i have some pants and a shirt or two and a dress or two that's "maternity"...but i've skated by by wearing clothes i already had, you know, just in a different way. but i've seriously recieved not so nice comments about not wearing basically a mumu, and how it's indecent to wear fitted clothes while you're pregnant.

dude, i'm pregnant. i'm huge. it should be okay that i don't want to wear a circus tent when i already feel like an elephant.


....


that's all i have for now...you know, being 112 months pregnant.

just take away the scissors.

so i'm growing out my hair. again.

right now it's in that awkward ugly length that you can't wear down because it's hideous, but you can't really wear up because it's just a smidge too short without having to control it with a million bobby pins.

yeah, so i've been sporting a LOT of pig tails and ugly pony tails lately.

i'm also adhd with my hair. i can't have it be the same for very long or i go crazy. i don't want to dye it right now, but am planning on getting some bright highlights once it's grown another little bit. but that's going to be a couple of months atleast. and i needed change.

and so last night i busted out the scissors. and gave myself bangs.

right now they look okay, and they're long enough that i can pin 'em back if i choose to. but i need to hide the scissors because when i get bored, something get's cut.

case in point:



this hair cut is the result of several things:

living by myself in the hood (aka afraid to go outside)

no cable

friends all at work

watching "girl, interrupted" about 7 times in a row and thinking...wow, if winona can pull it off, so can i!



yeah. this also happened just as john and i started to date, and i'm pretty sure the first time he saw it was at the highland games at jbu (where the infamous turkey legs were hurled at me) and before arriving i am pretty sure i tried to warn him. because dating a girl who looks like a 12 year old boy is awesome.


so if you think i may be getting bored, things are slowing down for me...just send me a message, whisper in my ear "put down the scissors". for the sake of beauty, please.

Monday, May 4, 2009

the days run together

today marks my due date. or does it?

since the 20th week of our pregnancy, we've been balancing between 2 different due dates. one being today. the other being sunday, may 10th...mother's day. so while there's no kiddo here right now, i mean...there's only so much longer before there will be. while i'm impatient, it's not like there's months and months to go. we're talking days here.

and that's just scary.

while i feel like we have all of the material things we need, and i know that we will be able to keep this child alive once he's home from the hospital...we will soon be in charge of a human being for the next 18 years. and that's as much intimidating as it is amazing.

i really want him here. now. tonight my dad asked me if i was scared or nervous, and i just said "it's going to hurt like heeeell." i'm currently more afraid of the actual hospital stay than i am of the pain of labor...seriously. i really, really, really hate hospitals and have been known to get physically sick just visiting a relative for a few minutes. and don't get me started on needles and iv's. yikes.

40 weeks. what's a few more days?

ring

have any of you watched the new game show on mtv called "the phone"? i immediately got excited about it when watching the previews because it reminds me A LOT of the movie "the game"...and well, i'm a sucker for things like that.

anyway, there's a formula that goes with this show. basically, you see some 20 year-olds in very public venues just chatting it up with friends, reading a book, whatever. and then a phone rings. and rings. and rings. they get on the phone, and then a voice (in a THICK scottish (i think)accent)says:

"hello, *insert name here*. 3 months ago you signed up for a game, and today you were told to wait for a phone call. this is that call."

and then something happens, like a car explodes or some dude gets hit by a car. and the game begins.

so it's now become a contest of sorts between john and i where we prank call each other from our phones by blocking our number and see who can hold out the longest by pretending to be "the voice".

john obviously wins this everytime. the only time i've tried to play was when we were in the same room as each other. i called him, practicing my scottish man-accent over and over in my head. when he answered, i got cold feet and hung up. he was bummed he had missed a blocked call (he thought it was from work) so i KNEW he'd answer it if i tried it again.

so when he did answer, all i could squeak out was "hello" before i started to giggle so hard because my scottish man accent is surprisingly horrible, and i started to cry. and he just looked at me like, oh, okay. GAME ON.



i say this to warn you if you get a blocked call in the next few weeks...it may be one of us. or it may be a game you signed up for 3 months ago, and you're just waiting for that call. who knows.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

cookin'

so since being married for the past ten months, i've really tried to take it up a notch on my abilities in the kitchen. i'm not a good cook. at all. but i try really hard, and have a few dishes that i know will feed my family a nice meal. but there are times when there are things in the fridge and cupboards and i have no clue what to make of them.

and then i found this site.

you can quite literally enter ingredients you have in your fridge, and it will give you recipes that include those (plus usually one or two extras). i've signed up for a "recipe of the day" as well, so i can get more ideas of how to feed my family a healthy but tasty meal.

we've already gone the route of eating only steamed veggies while at home, having rice as a side, and eating poultry as our main source of protein. but this site really helps guide me into expanding what i can cook/what i can learn. so the goal is to make as many meals at home as possible, and weeding out what we actually like and want to include in our menus, and what we don't like at all.

i've come a long way from surviving only on pop-ice for main meals, and my feast...a big mac once a week.

church.

so last night, john and i went to my parents' house for dinner and some games. when it came time to leave, john went home to get ready for work, and i stayed the night at my parents' house (basically because i haven't been feeling well for the past few days).

so this morning i went with them to the church i grew up in. and never before have i been more thankful that john and i found vintage.

it wasn't that the experience was horrible. but walking into that building, singing those songs, listening to that man preach...i just couldn't worship. i didn't feel God like i do so often at vintage. and as i looked around the congregation while we were singing hymns, everyone's face was the same--blank. there was no emotion, no dancing, no swaying to the music. it felt so empty in that place.

the preacher there is very into INTENSE bible study. which i believe is perfect in a small group setting. but when during the worship service, during the actual sermon you only go over ONE verse...it's a little too much. i'm not exaggerating when i say that when i attended that church, it took us 3 years to get through the book of john.

3 years. one book.

he's also of the old baptist school where you must yell and cry in the same sermon. i don't get it.

i'm so glad that there is that church for those who worship like that. for those where that environment brings them closest to God...i'm so very happy for them. but it's just not for me. and i don't regret that i left that church, not for one second. i only wish that vintage had been around sooner (because while the church itself was there for 1.5 years (or so) before we joined, i was church searching and had given up way before then).

i'm thankful for a place where you don't have to wear a suit to fit in. where you can clap and sing loud and dance to the music if that's what you feel. if you want to refill your coffee cup, if you want to talk to the preacher man after service to tell him that the slides behind some of the songs make your husband sick because it reminds him of brains splattered on a wall, where you can be comfortable being you, where it's okay to have doubt, to have questions about God...thank you, vintage.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I'm so lucky to have the family that I do. They provide so much on so many different levels; while some are close and some further away, our family is our greatest support.

We are lucky to have the friends that we do. Being able to eat pizza and play games, to making road trips to spend time together becauseof the physical distance...our friends are amazing. They don't care what we wear, have a holier than thou attitude, and treat us with respect and love. I can't wait until we get to see Zach and carole at the hospital when jonas comes...or when we get to show jonas off to our friends that john works with. I love them all so much.

I'm lucky for john. From prank calling each other to consoling each other at our worst times, I can truly say without doubt that I married my best friend. I hope that jonas can see the love we have for each other, our playfulness, our laughter, our strength when we are together and our teamwork...and grow up knowing that is love. I cannot think of anyone who would be a better husband for me and father of my child.

I love you.

Friday, May 1, 2009

lists

1. we bought an exercise ball last night at target with a giftcard. i bounced on it FOREVER, and may have made jonas drop a little too much. seriously. there was a huge change from pre-bouncing to post-bouncing.

2. i'm currently laying on the loveseat because i. am. sick. my stomach hurt all last night (not a result of said bouncing) and mixed with already feeling horrible, i decided to take a day off.

3. the baby is coming this weekend. atleast, according to the magic 8 ball at target, he is.

4. i'm watching a show called "the cougar". it's more than slightly disgusting.

5. i can't wait to watch "the soup" this weekend.

6. besides just generally liking the show, i am hoping and PRAYING that they have a clip from "millionaire matchmaker" on it...where this old woman who's a therapist repeatedly says that vaginas are for playing, and so and so has played with too many vaginas. you don't marry vaginas, because vaginas can't talk.

7. i died watching it.

8. did anyone see private practice last night? as a woman who is 75 months pregnant, i am now even more terrified of opening my front door.

9. right foot- still swollen. left foot- lookin' good.

10. time to make lunch! rice or soup...decisions decisions.