Wednesday, April 15, 2009

letters

jonas,

i will pay you a dollar if you decide to come early. like, maybe this weekend. the dollar may be comprised of nickels and pennies only...but it still spends the same.

love,
the chubby lady who is surrounding you.

...

bladder,

i will pay you a dollar if you stop screaming in urgency. the dollar may be comprised of nickels and pennies only, but it still spends the same.

love,
the chubby lady who is surrounding you.

...

zeus,

while you are incredibly adorable, now smell pleasant, and have a nicely shaped (and shaved) booty, i still have questions. what's up with the incessant shedding? why are you afraid of 2-dimensional corgis? why do you bring your dinner by the mouthful to the living room to eat it there? and the snoring? seriously?

love,
shaver of your butt.

...

john,

i think you'd be a sassy pirate. that's all.

love,
the wench.

...

sunshine,

where did you go? i looked, you were there. i looked again, you were gone.

this is not an amusing game of hide and seek, my friend.

love,
the albino chubby woman.

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