Friday, April 3, 2009

fat or pregnant

so i've mentioned before that john and i play a horrible, horrible game called "fat or pregnant", in which we try to determine if said subject is pregnant or just carrying around extra belly weight.

i can't type this too loud (well, i can. because i'm inside and they can't hear me type?) but thre's a chick right now outside of my office window who just left subway (yes, at 10:20am) and i swear she is pregnant. i mean, there are obvioius clues...she's at subway at 10:20am. she has a big belly (that actually looks just a little smaller than mine).

so she opened the passenger door of the car she came in, laid some stuff down in the seat, and came back out to stand next to the car.

i couldn't help but notice that her pants were saggy and that her shirt had ridden up, revealing several inches of belly and ass-crack. sadly, i've been there too (not so much with the ass crack, but with the belly...i mean, i even went to walmart with a couple inches exposed on the underside because frankly i didn't feel like changing and don't care anymore).

so i felt bad for her, and prayed that she'd feel the draft (because it's CHILLY outside today). she eventually did.

she bent over her purse, and got our what i thought was a cell phone. except that she lit it on fire.

OMG, SHE'S OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT AND IS SMOKING.

before i ran out to confront her (because, honestly, i would)i realized that maybe she isn't pregnant? i mean...she is chunky everywhere else (she's obviously an apple shaped person compared to my usual pear), and maybe she just carries her weight all in her belly?

on any count, she could have kicked my ass.
so inside i stayed.

7 comments:

Jasmine said...

Ok.

1. You wouldn't have NEVER confronted her... stop fibbing.
2. At some point this game should make you feel awful since you are assessing people by their looks. Some people who are pregnant don't always LOOK pregnant.
3. I love you. I really do....
4. It is sometimes funny- but usually... it is just mean.

wendy said...

i started to write a blog to explain myself, but then decided it wasn't really needed.

see, i don't see it as mean. and it doesn't make me feel awful. maybe it should? but honestly, it doesn't. i may have no mortal soul because of this. :)

it's not like i look at people and audibly assess them. it's usually a glance and it's done. i think that if more people sort of just did it quickly in their head, then i wouldn't know people who are asked how far along they are when they're not pregnant. if it's john and i together, there will just be a look and one word "pregnant?".

not that it makes it any better, but it's the truth.

oh, and i for SURE would (and have) confronted obviously pregnant women who smoke. but after assessing that this one could have ROYALLY kicked my butt (you could tell she was a spitfire), and realizing that even when not pregnant i am the slowest runner on earth, i decided against it. :) but wouldn't have that made a great new story? "pregnant women rumble outside of local subway, your top story at ten".

wendy said...

oh, and i hope you don't think i'm upset! :) completely not at all, my friend.

Jasmine said...

LOL. I don't think you are mad. I have made the mistake (a few times) of asking people who aren't pregnant if they were and I understand the whole "I wonder if they are pregnant thing?"
I just know as one of your over weight readers I could see this game being played at my cost and I think it is a bit mean. Also... you get freaked out by crowds, people in your house, and conflict- so it is kind of amazing that you'd address a total stranger about their smoking habits....

I am not mad either. I am just saying what I think needs to be said, I think if you put yourself in that woman's shoes, you'd cry if you knew someone was talking about you like that.

Damnit... now I need to go apologize to Racheal Ray and Ann Coulter.

wendy said...

love you :)

Jasmine said...

back at ya Jonas Maker!


So:

Chocolate Cream Cupcakes
Lemon Strawberry Cupcakes
Mocha Cream Cupcakes
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes


Sound like a good menu?

wendy said...

i just squealed and clapped my hands.

um, yes please!