Wednesday, April 22, 2009

delayed

after our doctor's appointment today, i've found myself slightly depressed. there wasn't any progression since last week although i've desperately been hoping for it.

i'm actually not upset anymore, but right after the appointment i was completely cranky and actually cried a little bit.

i know that jonas will come when he is ready. i know that. and i know that it's literally only a few more weeks--really, 4 more weeks at the very most. and while john was trying to be helpful and remind me that it was just going to be another few weeks, somehow those words just didn't soothe me.

besides wanting jonas here because life is sucky when you're this pregnant, i also just want him here because i want to hold my baby in my arms. people try to say things like not to wish for them to come earlier, to enjoy every second of pregnancy because it's so much easier when they're inside rather than crying and screaming outside the womb...and i think that's just probably the absolute shittiest advice you can give. (and trust me, i get an unbelievable amount of shitty advice from every single person i cross paths with). seriously. yeah, of COURSE it is easier when you don't have to change diapers, constantly have feedings, wonder why the baby is crying again. and at this point, i'd give anything to change his diaper, become a human buffet, and be at my wits end because he's crying again and nothing can soothe him.

i don't think it's a horrible thing to be tired of being pregnant because you want your child. i don't think it's a horrible thing to be tired of being pregnant because you're simply sick of being pregnant.

i've decided that besides walking, i'm not going to do anything to attempt to "self-induce" labor. trust me, i've thought, researched, and tried various things, and it's pretty fruitless in my mind. from what i've understood, if the baby isn't ready, self-induction will most likely lead to an extremely extended hospital stay and usually labor goes for days. and neither of those sound appealing.


i guess i say all of this so when i'm mopey or complaining that i just want to go into labor now...and when it continues for the next couple of weeks...that you're pre-warned. if it annoys you, angers you, or makes you want to pull your hair out, then what are you even doing reading my blog? go somewhere else where people write about the outfit they are wearing, celebrity gossip, or how to make the perfect chili. because this is what's going on in my life, in my mind right now. just get over it.

thanks. :)

2 comments:

Jasmine said...

It is okay to be unhappy with being pregnant.
Just remember, in your cranky moments, that people you care about could get their feelings hurt. Besides, the people surrounding you are, mostly, just there to love on you.
I am sorry today was so damn awful!
It will happen when it happens.
I self induced labor- my labor was three days long. I was happy I did it. Pregnancy is different for everyone.

wendy said...

ugh, it wasn't that bad. i was just hoping so much that there had been some sort of progression--anything.

yeah, this evening i weighed the pros/cons of self-induction for me...and i just can't do it, as much as i want him here now. i guess the intense fear of being in a hospital longer than i absolutely have to means i'm just going to have to tough it out and get over it (and pray for a quick labor haha). :).