Thursday, April 30, 2009

ordering etiquette

the past few days have been hard. i'm the sort of person who is pretty in-tune with my body...always have been. i found out i was pregnant 3 weeks into the pregnancy because i just felt off, and had eliminated all other possibilities. so when i say something like i don't feel well (aka like roadkill) then i can usually pinpoint what it is that is making me feel this way. (call me dr. house). so right now, my blood pressure is all crazy (for me) and i'm completely feeling it.

SO, this morning i had to drag myself out of bed, knowing that mornings are better for me right now than afternoons...basically in hopes that if i can make it feeling okay until lunch, then i can probably stay at work all day without issue. but for this to happen, i really wanted to use the remaining few dollars on my starbucks giftcard. (and yes, i know that when blood pressure is elevated that caffiene is poor choice. i'm willing to deal with that later).

not too much to ask.

so when i pull up to the drive-thru at 7:40am, i'm pleasantly surprised that there isn't a line of cars around the building. i place my order ( chip frappacino!) and pull ahead, window still rolled down inspite of the rain because this isn't going to take long.

except the person in front of me was one of those.

you know. one of those.

the barista/cashier would hand over a cup of coffee through the window. the customer would sip the drink, shake their head, ramble off what was wrong, and hand it back. a minute or two later, they'd both repeat this process. again. and again. and again.

i'm sorry, but if you are THAT particular about your coffee...if it has to be THAT specific, then just go inside. there is no way that your drive-thru cup should look like this:

for realz, people. it's just coffee.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

the a-ha moment

so yesterday and today, i've been having some blood pressure issues. to clarify, i'm not the girl who calls her doctor right away, i'm not the girl who makes extra appointments because of this or that concern.

i'm a googler.

anyway, i had made the decision last night that if when i woke up, if my blood pressure was still high (for me) and my right leg was still swollen, that i was going to reschedule my doc appointment from thursday morning to today...just incase it's something serious.

so i went in, talked to the nurse first, and explained to her what my "chief complaints" were. when asked what my blood pressure was when i measured it, i told her that it usually landed somwhere around 130/80. which is normal, i know. but i usually have a bp of around 100/60. so she took it, and it was fine(ish)...114/84. she said that it could just be higher than usual due to several reasons, one being an extra added stress.

and that's when i had my a-ha! moment. my mind immediately raced to my current thorn in my side, the old lady at work. day in and day out i can literally feel myself getting warmer once she walks into the room. it's to the point where i loathe her.

anyway, after that, the doc checked me out. jonas's heart is nicely beating at 150 bpm, and i'm "def more than 2 cm's" and when he went to check the cervix said "WHOA! that's a BIG change from last week"...he didn't say what the effacement was, but said that the head was in an amazing position, and everything was looking amazing. i have an appointment for next wednesday, and he said that basically if everything is looking the same as it was today (meaning the baby's head position, etc) that he'd really have no issue with induction.


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

the terrors...

so this afternoon i officially freaked myself out all because of a little blood pressure issue.

i know i had mentioned the other day that i was feeling swollen. i'm just going to venture out there and say that THAT swelling was just due to some hot weather and standing around a lot.

and i feel silly that i considered THAT to be swollen.

today, over a period of a few hours, my hands (and mainly) my feet and lower legs have ballooned. because i've also had +1 of protein in my urine for the past couple of weeks (and knowing that mixed along with high blood pressure and sudden swelling) is a very bad thing for pregnant chicks, i went to my parents' house after work to use their blood pressure machine thingie.

i took it a couple of times over a 20 minute period, and it always hovered around 125-130 over 75ish. which isn't bad. but it is considering that my blood pressure is always on the low 100/60.

so after calling labor and delivery, and then being told to leave a message for the on-call doctor, i finally got a call back.

he basically said that i COULD be creeping into some not so good things, but to monitor it tonight. if it gets worse, go into my doc's office tomorrow and get it checked out. if it stays the same or gets better, just wait it out until my appointment on thursday, and then bring it up.

so now i'm just sitting here, feet up, trying not to worry about the dangers of pre-ecclempsia. like that's going to happen.


if you are faint of heart, i warn you that you may want to just click away now.

do it. i promise i'll never forgive myself if something happens to you and you drop dead because of what you're about to see....

i'll wait.




i'm about to take you into the monster's lair.

whew. you're lucky that it seems that the monster hasn't arrived yet. but my friends, his appearance is just days away.

be afraid.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

water retention

if you've seen me lately, i'm going to just apologize now for the vienna sausage like appearance of my fingers.

i really thought that since i had made it THIS far into my pregnancy without any sort of real swelling (besides the rotundness of my butt and belly) that i was in the clear. "nope, not me!" i'd say when asked if swelling was an issue.

i spoke too soon.

while it's probably not really noticeable to most people, the idea of bending my toes or fingers has become comical. i first noticed it a week or two ago when john and i would walk. of course, after walking for an extended period of time in the quasi-heat will make you swell up. when i'd get home, i'd just relax and it'd go away.

but now i'm at the point where i just totter in fear of handling my iPhone in absolute fear of dropping it and cracking the screen (john) because my meaty nubs can't bend enough to grasp it. the fingers issue is fine--i still can wear my wedding band while my engagement ring is too snug. but the feet? seriously?

the look like the feet of a bloated corpse. sorry. i've been re-reading (for the hundreth time) one of my favorite books--stiff. i'm not creepy. i promise.

sigh. i know no one else can really tell that i'm that swollen. but my rings and shoes tell me otherwise.


our dog, the amazing zeus, is not fond of change.

months and months ago, i found this great wall-hanging at hobby lobby and put it right above the head of our bed. it took zeus weeks to get over it being there (it was so bad that he wouldn't even come into our bedroom).

the changes in the house yesterday have really just messed him up. as i type, he's cowering next to the sliding back door, huffing and puffing at the new arrangement in the living room. the clock being put on another wall, combined with the new table, added with the new paintings and ampersand sign on the other wall are about to give him a nervous breakdown.

he's currently pacing by the back door, unsure of what to do. he will barely come to john (aka his favorite person in the whole world) because john's sitting under THE scary clock and next to THE scary table.


we are creatures of habit. i know that personally, i'm the most comfortable in my home, with a small group of people who already know everything about me.

this afternoon we had a church bbq. i made it a mini-goal to get out of my comfort zone and branch out. to talk to people who i've only shared smiles with before, to move around and sit with different groups of people.

it was hard. but it was also oh-so good to do. i felt accomplished afterwards, proud that i socialized without my security blanket of people surrounding me...getting out there instead of huffing and puffing in the corner alone because i was scared.


but really, zeus needs to grow a pair. it's just a clock and ampersand.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

busy bee

for the past couple of days, my body has felt better than it has in weeks. WEEKS, i tell you. i mean, right now my back is killin' me, but that's just because i've been busy power-nesting. (for real. i have this huge fear right now that i'll go into labor and things wont be ready incase john's parents need to stay over-night).

so i've been busy making beds, getting tolietries ready for possible guests, and then i decided to semi re-decorate the living room. this included us buying a table, removing basically everything from the walls, re-positioning it all, taking an ottoman i had recovered and stripping it, dismantling it, and redoing it (i still need to get some brown fabric asap to finish it and possibly make some toss pillows as well)...and the list continues. tomorrow i'm pretty sure we're skipping church so john can sleep and i can scour the bathroom top to bottom.

i'm really digging the living room--it's still weird and mis-matched, but a little more homey. i don't know..i just like it.

i went grocery shopping this morning while john was sleepin', and stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies, fish and chicken. our new mainstays. i made us dinner of steamed broccoli, lemon-pepper tilapia, and rice. (did you know that we eat an extraordinary amount of rice? no joke.)

anyway, i had originally starting writing to say that i think that my pain/issues these past weeks have been based on pregnancy-related stress. i was so stressed out about wanting jonas here! NOW! that i think my body started to rebel against me. a few days ago i sort of let the issue go, gaining the realization that he will just come when he's ready to come--trying to make him come earlier was literally a pain in my ass. and now the tension is gone, i'm happier, i'm actually sleeping (sort of), and life is just nicer.

i like it.

Friday, April 24, 2009

april showers bring...

possibly jonas.

i've mentioned it a couple times earlier, but i'm serious when i say that the events that have changed my life in the past year+ have all been days where it has rained.

just look at the forecast for the upcoming week...

yeah. basically every day leading up to my due date is COATED in rain.

i've probably just jinxed myself, but if his birth follows any other our major life events, he should be coming in the next week or so. but you know that God has a sense of humor. He'll probably let jonas wait it out until a drought comes on.

hardy har har.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

role reversal

tonight after i got home from work, there were three things that were desperately obvious:

1. our kitchen was a total mess

2. our yard was a total mess

3. i really needed to go on a long walk

so to appease all of these, i mowed the lawn and john worked on the kitchen. i'm sure i was looking super cool huffing and puffing behind our push-mower being 9 months pregnant, but there was no way john could do it. spring time = death of john. his allergies are getting worse every day, and i'm just praying for the sweetness of summertime when he can finally breathe again and not look so much like a red-eye-rimmed meth addict.

not that it's a bad look for him, or anything.

i'm sure no one really would have noticed that it was a severely pregnant woman mowing her yard if the ice cream truck hadn't decided to stop in front of our house. i'm not sure if he thought i looked like a good customer, or what, but suddenly his van was swarming with a dozen or so kids and a few adults.

despite all of the looks of symphathy i got, no one ponied up a free push-pop.

luckily, the husby was inside scrubbing away. he smells like dish soap and miller lite. be jealous.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


after our doctor's appointment today, i've found myself slightly depressed. there wasn't any progression since last week although i've desperately been hoping for it.

i'm actually not upset anymore, but right after the appointment i was completely cranky and actually cried a little bit.

i know that jonas will come when he is ready. i know that. and i know that it's literally only a few more weeks--really, 4 more weeks at the very most. and while john was trying to be helpful and remind me that it was just going to be another few weeks, somehow those words just didn't soothe me.

besides wanting jonas here because life is sucky when you're this pregnant, i also just want him here because i want to hold my baby in my arms. people try to say things like not to wish for them to come earlier, to enjoy every second of pregnancy because it's so much easier when they're inside rather than crying and screaming outside the womb...and i think that's just probably the absolute shittiest advice you can give. (and trust me, i get an unbelievable amount of shitty advice from every single person i cross paths with). seriously. yeah, of COURSE it is easier when you don't have to change diapers, constantly have feedings, wonder why the baby is crying again. and at this point, i'd give anything to change his diaper, become a human buffet, and be at my wits end because he's crying again and nothing can soothe him.

i don't think it's a horrible thing to be tired of being pregnant because you want your child. i don't think it's a horrible thing to be tired of being pregnant because you're simply sick of being pregnant.

i've decided that besides walking, i'm not going to do anything to attempt to "self-induce" labor. trust me, i've thought, researched, and tried various things, and it's pretty fruitless in my mind. from what i've understood, if the baby isn't ready, self-induction will most likely lead to an extremely extended hospital stay and usually labor goes for days. and neither of those sound appealing.

i guess i say all of this so when i'm mopey or complaining that i just want to go into labor now...and when it continues for the next couple of weeks...that you're pre-warned. if it annoys you, angers you, or makes you want to pull your hair out, then what are you even doing reading my blog? go somewhere else where people write about the outfit they are wearing, celebrity gossip, or how to make the perfect chili. because this is what's going on in my life, in my mind right now. just get over it.

thanks. :)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


so, i think that we officially have everything that we "need" for this child to arrive. i mean, i KNOW that there are going to be things that we need (for example, we haven't purchased any sort of medication yet)...but besides that, we have the bulk of it.

last night i did a happy dance when the tubing/valves/membranes for our borrowed breast pump came in. i had been worried that they somehow may not fit or not come in on time, but they do! and they did!

i think it's been decided that the important days of my life in the past year have all been noted with hurricane-like rains. from our engagement photos, to the wedding day (seriously, a DOWNPOUR at the end of june?), to all three of baby showers, it's not just sprinkled, but rained the sort of rain where it physically hurts the skin when the droplets hit.

so, it's looking like rain on thursday. and every day next week. not going to say anything, but come on. the weather gods are against me.

we go in for our next appointment on wednesday afternoon, and i (not so) secretly dream that the doc will take a looksie and say "oh mrs. alexander! it looks like your (insert some beautiful number around 4 or 5) cm's dilated and (insert some number over 50%) effaced. do you want to be induced tonight or tomorrow morning?"

and then i start singing, spinning around like julie andrews in the sound of music.

old people.

let me first start this by saying that i honestly do love old people. i do. i work in an office where our clients are primarily senior citizens, and 99% of them i love to death. i can't wait to be old, and i'm pretty positive that john wishes he could be an old man right now.

but there are just some things that old people do that kill me. and i mean almost literally.

today i was minding my own business, driving to work south bound on 540. as i approached my exit ramp, it's not completely uncommon for drivers to slow down (because the speed drops by 10 miles an hour at this place ANYWAY, and we're all getting geared up to exit the bypass to only enter on an "expressway"). so when we all slow down a smidge, i think nothing of it. but when our speed decreases from 60mph to 30mph...this becomes an issue.

i see the offending car ahead of me by 4 or 5 vehicles, and am still not TOO concerned because i know that all i need to do once the roads merge is to get in the other lane so i can get to work.

unfortunately, the people in the offending car need to merge over, too. but while we are all going a little less than 30 mph, the cars to our right are going 60 mph, and merging can't happen. so the offending car stops and puts their blinker on.

at this point, a sense of panic creeps in. i'm not worried about missing my exit because i can just loop around and hit it off 71B. but it's the cars that are zooming around, the tires that are screeching, and the mass chaos that leaves me thinking that "this is it. i'm going to die. and then i'm going to have to kick some butt".

because that's how i roll. zombie butt kicking.

anyway, we all end up getting over into the correct lanes, and i wind up stuck immediately behind the offending car. i pass them as our exit becomes 2 lanes wide, and look at them. it was an elderly couple who must have had been bff's with methuselah.


i'm pretty serious when i say that they should make it a law that every few years EVERYONE has to re-take their driving test in order to keep their license. while driving is great and fun, i know i don't want to die because someone who has become incapable of driving in a safe manner is behind the wheel.

for realz.

Monday, April 20, 2009


so for the past weeks i've been working with my replacement for when i birth the beast child and will gone for several weeks.

and let me just say this--it has been so frustrating.

she's my boss's mom, she's in her late 60's, can't open or respond to the Outlook email system we have, can't schedule patients so she just leaves me random sticky notes with people's names and times that she told them to come in, and the list continues.

i'm trying really hard to contain my frustration, because it's hard to have to go over and over and OVER the exact same information day after day after day.


when i really start to get frustrated, when i really start to get impatient, when i just don't understand how she can't grasp this pretty basic information, it makes me think that God must feel the same way about us at times.

He shows us the way again and again and again, and we still get lost. He tells us how to live, and we falter again and again.

and yet, if He gets frustrated, we don't ever seem to know. because the love is greater than the frustration. and that's incredible.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


my dad is this incredible man. if you meet him, i can pretty much guarentee that you will like him, if not love him. he's the kind of person that not only has told john and i this, but other younger friends of ours that if they ever need anything, be it a meal, help paying a bill, some extra cash to tide them over, that he wants to help.

he loves his family, his friends, and the buffalo bills.

and today is his 50th birthday.


my mom approached me months ago about wanting to throw him a surprise party, and that she'd need me to do a lot of the footwork since he works from home and it'd be almost impossible for her to it.

and so began planning...from guest lists, finding a venue, sending out invitations, coordinating the times of arrival, and decorating (and then realizing that i'd be just shy of 38 weeks pregnant)--well, it was a lot on my plate.


yesterday was the big day. after a baby shower that afternoon, i headed to the resturant to begin the decorating. when the manager showed me the room that we were going to be in, i immediately began to panic.

it was tiny.

when i had reserved the room a month or so prior, i thought i was getting the "big" room, so i didn't even think twice about everyone having to fit because, well, it wasn't an issue.

in this was going to be an issue. it only sat about 18 people MAX. and our guest list was easily over 30 people.

panic ensued. but there was nothing i could do about it, so i decorated the room the best i could and waited.

and waited.

and waited.

finally guests started to arrive, and the room started to fill up quickly. really quickly. it started to get hot. really, really hot. and knowing that my dad is a "sweater", i could just imagine how bad this was going to be.


then he arrived. and his face was totally in shock. and he cried a little bit.

he was so touched that family and friends drove hours to come and see him, just for his birthday. just for him.

i don't know why he was so surprised...he's incredible.

happy birthday, dad. we love you.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

can't we all just get along?

last night as i was checking out facebook, i came across a note from the husband of couple from church who are due within days of us. for their birth plan, they've elected not to use medicinal pain intervention, and have been following a decently strict diet/timetables/etc. it's what they want to do with their pregnancy and labor, and it's the perfect solution for them.

in his note, he's upset that people aren't being supportive of their decision to not use an epidural, and how basically everyone gives their opinion on how THEIR childbirth experience should be. it's a touchy issue because pregnancy and birth (while i haven't experienced it yet) is such a personal issue. i can completely relate.

i work in a dental office where the average age of our patient is about 65-70 years old. i, like most pregnant women, get asked daily by each patient the usual questions, and i've been congratulated, given more unsolicted advice than necessary, and asked more times than i could have imagined if i was going to be using an epidural or not. when i reply that i fully intend to, the woman asking usually goes off about how she chose not to, didn't use one, and how they can't imagine using one.

usually, it doesn't bug me, and i just reply something like, "wow! you're more of a woman than i am!" in a joking tone. usually they laugh and get the joke, but i've had patients respond to that by saying, "yes. yes i am."

and they're serious.

i think that when it comes to pregnancy and labor, we have to embrace each other.

i'm not the person who is going to eat certain things at certain times because a program tells me that's what is best. i'm the girl who eats deli meat, consumes caffiene, didn't attend a birthing class, and while i'm going to wait as long as possible, i'm getting an epidural (not overly concerned that my "legs will become bricks and brain turn to mush", and knowing that for me, it will help me focus on my child and pushing him out without being distracted by the incredible pain)...and you know what? everything is going great. i've had some unpleasant experiences and am having an increasingly throbbing lower back...but you know what? everything is great.

and the woman that is the anti-thesis of that? the super regulated, strict schedule, classes every week girl? with her, everything is great.

i just don't understand why we can't agree to disagree, to respect each other's decisions without putting someone else down in the process.

it's borderline ridiculous.

Friday, April 17, 2009


i'm just going to put it out there that we have some incredible friends. there has been so much support, love, and being showered with gifts for the upcoming arrival of jonas that it's almost too much for me to understand.

garrett and jasmine have let us use all of isaiah's clothes (and i'm not exaggerating when i say that there's more clothes than humanly possible), a bassinet, their breast pump (no worries--we're buying new tubing), and being there when i have strange (and usually gross) questions.

carole, zach, and the rest of the rose family surprised me with a HUGE package at our door full with a baby tub, clothes, yummy bath goodies, diapers and wipes, bottles, and everything else you could imagine.

dirty uncle jeffery david grass surprised us today with a freaking awesome jogging stroller.

jamie and sarah got jonas a great boppy.

and we've been blessed with so much more from so many more people.

we've been showered with love, and it's incredible.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


1. i have an extremely large number of horizontal striped outfits.

2. i forgot to take my prevacid this morning like i intended to.

3. hence the heartburn. sweet molly.

4. for those of you unaware, the pregnant body produces some pretty gross stuff.

5. trust me, if you don't know, you just don't want to.

6. i HAVE to put the carseat in john's car tonight. i keep forgetting to, and i know that if i keep putting it off, it'll be too late.

7. i made fried rice from scratch the other night.

8. no one died from it, so it's been deemed a success.

9. pee break.

10. i could really go for a quiche and a large coke. no!! rootbeer. yum.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009



i will pay you a dollar if you decide to come early. like, maybe this weekend. the dollar may be comprised of nickels and pennies only...but it still spends the same.

the chubby lady who is surrounding you.



i will pay you a dollar if you stop screaming in urgency. the dollar may be comprised of nickels and pennies only, but it still spends the same.

the chubby lady who is surrounding you.



while you are incredibly adorable, now smell pleasant, and have a nicely shaped (and shaved) booty, i still have questions. what's up with the incessant shedding? why are you afraid of 2-dimensional corgis? why do you bring your dinner by the mouthful to the living room to eat it there? and the snoring? seriously?

shaver of your butt.



i think you'd be a sassy pirate. that's all.

the wench.



where did you go? i looked, you were there. i looked again, you were gone.

this is not an amusing game of hide and seek, my friend.

the albino chubby woman.


carrying jonas has become a pain in the butt. literally. i know it's just because of the increasing pressure that his sumo-wrestler-like physique is placing on my exit parts, but golly, it's getting a wee bit painful. (i'm going to laugh hysterically if this child comes out weighing like, 6.5 pounds. well, no, i'll be praising Jesus for being kind to my womanly parts, but then laughing).

plus, i look sort of weird rubbing my butt everytime i stand up or walk too far. someone is going to think i have worms or something. because that's what i correlate with an itchy butt...WORMS.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

the results...

so this afternoon john and i had the first of the pelvic appointments. we're officially 2 cm's dilated and just around 50% effaced.

that. is. some. crazy. talk.

we asked the substitute doctor what that meant, and she said that basically, she really didn't think we'd go over the due date seeing how far we already were, but besides that, there really isn't any way to tell when the beast will arrive.

when she said this, i tore my clothes and scraped my skin with sharp rocks, asking "WHY!!?"

just kidding. i was just really surprised that, you know, things were at where they are. i went in expecting nada thing. so who knows when the swamp thing will emerge...but its going to be sooner than later.


please read this...

i just peed myself a little while reading this. so good!


while i've had a pretty enjoyable pregnancy, i'm tired of being pregnant. in the past week or two i've reached the end stages, and frankly, they're not my favorite. they remind me of the days when i was doubled over in random public parking lots, throwing up red velvet cake and swearing to elderly people that i wasn't drunk.

i'm at the point where i can no longer blame gas on the dog (although, to be fair, zeus has some nasty gas). i'm at the point where walking faster than a slow waddle not only exhausts me, but causes me to pee myself. i'm at the point where it feels like the baby is going to fall out of me if i try anything too quickly. i'm at the point where most women can breathe easier, but i'm dying because the kid is finally turning the right way, and i was blessed with an unusually short torso for my height.

i'm there.

man, i think that God makes the second trimester so wonderful so that you will forget the puking parking lots of the past 3 months. on that same note, i think He makes the moment you hold your child for the first time so incredible so you forget the past months struggles with poop, and know, shoving a human being out of your body.

and that's why there are the michelle duggars of the world.


tmi alert...tmi alert

i'm slightly scared about the pelvic appointment today. i mean, i know it's going to be uncomfortable, there might be a moment or two of light pain, and that there could be bleeding the following day. that's all fine. i'm okay with that. but last time i had a pelvic (gosh, at my first REAL ob/gyn appointment) the doctor couldn't find my cervix.

i mean, obviously i have one. and obviously he found it eventually. he just couldn't physically get to it with the standard tools, and had to bust out the big boys. did i mention that i snorted during this exam?

i did.

and i'd be more okay with going through the awkwardness of some man other than my husband fiddling around down there, trying to discern what's what if today's appointment was going to be conducted by my regular doctor.

but it's not. so the first impression i'll be giving this substitute doctor is of my girlie parts. and somehow that's unsettling. because now it's a stranger. not the man i'm used to.

i know that makes little to no sense at all...but in my little pregnant head, it's all i can think about.

"hi, i'm dr. so-and-so, filling in for dr. x."


"okay, so...spread 'em."

it's not a pretty (or logical) thought. but such is me.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

in preparation of the 37th week...


we are in the final stretch. 3 more weeks (give or take a couple) and you will be here in all of your pooping, crying, writhing glory. and your dad and i cannot wait a second longer. we have our first pelvic exam tomorrow afternoon, and while i know that i shouldn't really have any progress at this point, i'm really hoping that the doctor will tell us that you're ready to come. because that's how i am...impatient. EDITED TO ADD: i think that i'm being taught a lesson on impatience right now. the doc's office just called and said that due to a family emergency, our doc is out of town this week and that another doc could see me TOMORROW afternoon. sigh. message received.

your dad has a special request that you come in 2 weeks so that you and zeus will have the same birthday. yes, zeus the dog. it's statements like that that make me love your dad even more, and i mean that.

speaking of your dad, and i are so lucky. he's the man who offered a meal, ride, and phone use to a guy on facebook that he really, really doesn't like (he's a depressed and annoying 19 year old boy that i used to student teach) because he's currently homeless and was without a car. he rubs my back when it's sore, brings me endless cups of skim milk, fixes us dinner, and washes the dishes. he's the most amazing man i've met, and i'm thankful everyday for him being in our life. he got the cutest look on his face when we were going through baby clothes and several outfits were firefighter-themed. so to make up for it, i'm pretty sure this is what you're wearing home from the hospital (that is, as long as you wait long enough for us to get it in):

yeah. you're going to look so awesome, i can't even wait! and worst case scenario and you get here before the onesie fears. there's a "cop festival" in the middle of may where there will be snacks and chances for kids to come and check out police cars and ask questions...and we are so going to that. snacks and cops!? yes please.

i had a stinky thought today, and now i am just going to have to ask the doctor about it tomorrow. i planned on installing your swanky new carseat that would act as your primary carseat in dad's car this week, but then i wondered if they would make us CARRY the carseat inside and use that to carry you into the car. because my friend, the swanky carseat isn't one that has a handle for that sort of purpose. and while i know it's not a big deal, i mean, come on, a carseat is a carseat and i'd rather just get wheeled out to the car carrying you in my arms than lug that other seat around. i'm not the carseat carrying type of person.

i blame the weak biceps. i have the upper body strength of a 98 year old woman. it's sad.

anyway, long story short is that we love you. and we want you to come meet us right now. we want to snuggle you and love on you and blind you with the flash of the camera.


da mom.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

chores, shmores

can i just say something? while he never rings the doorbell or knocks, it's amazing the goodies you find on your doorstep left by the ups man when a huge life event occurs. so far, twice this week we've been surprised by huge boxes at our door for jonas, and everytime i get so freaking excited.

because i'm 12 and cool like that.

but seriously...we got a huge "goodie" box FULL of things from zach, carole, and his family, and then yesterday night after we got back from the good friday service (and ice cream from cold stone), we found the car seat i've been lusting after from john's parents. look how slick it is. and i think that my friend cari is getting jonas a miracle blanket. and that makes me VERY excited!


so today we tried to put together jonas' room (because before it had become a disaster zone). we had drawers from the dresser stacked everywhere because we were going to try to paint the dresser before jonas got here, but frankly, it takes two men to get the dresser out of the house/back in the room, and i didn't want to wait to have someone come over before hand. so we will paint it after the little guy gets here, and that makes me perfectly happy.

we went through (again) all of the clothes we were given, deciding which ones to go ahead and put in the dresser and which ones to keep stored in boxes. john positioned the baby monitor base in the crib so it's good to go, and i got the changing table all arranged with baskets of diapers and blankets, wipes and burp clothes.


we're having ANOTHER baby shower on saturday...which was a complete surprise to me. i went from thinking/assuming i'd either have no showers or maybe just one (because we JUST had wedding showers last summer), and now i'm getting ready for shower number three.


we're just feeling really blessed right now. it's hard to even begin to explain.

Friday, April 10, 2009

smooth criminal

yesterday, after a long and semi-frustrating day at work (we have some seriously insane patients), after finding a snoozing husband at 6pm who was in no condition to help me shop for groceries, after going to sam's and getting said groceries while it was sunny only to get home and have to unload the car solo (because said husband was still snoozing) in the rain, i saw it.

a letter addressed to me from the city attorney's office. and you know that is never good.

after racking my brain of what i could have possibly done wrong (did i speed through that light? is someone pissed that we still haven't mowed our yard this year? did they finally hunt me down after i forgot to take the yard sale signs down last october!? am i a criminal?? ). after much thought (and increasing trepidation), i opened the envelope.

and folks, you want to know what i did?

i didn't turn in my library books.
i shit you not.

i scanned the letter because at this point, i was half confused, half really, really finding this humorous. did you know that it's a crime in arkansas to not turn in your library books? and that a warrant can be issued for your arrest? and that the city of rogers apparently is very serious about their literature?

i didn't either. and i honestly didn't even remember having checked out books at the library until it hit me...i had. back in late september: "what to expect when you're expecting" and "a seperate peace".

after john woke up, i asked him if i'd have to serve prison time for the extreme severity of my crime.

can someone bake me a cake with a file in it?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

loss of dignity

it all started a little over a month ago when i had to sneeze and i peed a little. nothing bad, just enough to tell my husband about, causing him to point and laugh. if i randomly coughed or sneezed a little too hard, i could expect a little helping of embarrassment.

and i was okay with that.

it's now reached the stage where nothing needs to provoke me. i just pee all willy nilly, with no rhyme or reason.

i know what you're thinking:

if it wasn't true before, it's sure to be true now. wendy IS a sex symbol.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

google analytics

if you want a serious way to sort of freak yourself out, i suggest you add google analytics to your blogger account.

because my friends, you will realize exactly how many people read your blog...and where they are from. most of the different cities i could pinpoint a person who was from there (or that general area) but then there are a few that i just can't place. you know, like the person in australia who stopped by. or the person who was on some island (i think it was makati?) that's near japan.

hi, by the way. i promise i'm not creepy.

with this feature, you can also see how people came to your blog. the obvious players, like friends you comment on (or are on their blogroll), facebook, and a people who just directly go to your site are all obvious. but then there are the "google search" people, and that's when you seriously begin to wonder about what you talk about on your blog.

for exampe, there are a lot "searches" that stemmed from baby-related issues, like getting your first pelvic, baby names, etc. all nice and sweet. and then there's this one:

celebrating being off probation.

i don't even know. but congrats! and party hard. because the man can't get you down anymore.

or this:

dr. phil getting back together ty and wendy

good luck, you crazy kids.

but seriously, google analytics is awesome, if not slightly scary.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


so one of my friends since, oh gosh...when we were six? just outed me on jonas's name.

jonas asher

do those sound familiar to any of you? go ahead...break them up.

jonas asher

my husband doesn't even know this, but i was filled with absolute bliss when he agreed to these two names together after much consideration and other name combinations because of this:

yes. i am that big of a nerd. because i named my first born after the main character and his best friend of one of my all-time favorite books.

it could have been worse. the name could have been yurtle the turtle.

age of technology.

for those of you who are unaware, i google everything. you make think that i'm kidding, or exaggerating, but seriously, if i have any sort of wonder or thought in my head, i google it. i'm the person WHO HAS TO KNOW THE ANSWERS and i have to know right then.

basically, what i'm saying is google is my crack. and i'm just the lonely addict who clears her history bar so that no one can know my shameful need of trivial knowledge.

i blame the days of g.t. and quiz bowl. because there, freaks like me ruled the world. now, outside the protective arms of nerdiness, it's cold and frightening, and oh so alone.


i believe that the invention of the internetz (thank you, al gore!!) has a direct correlation on the number of women who think that childbirth and the labor process is coming much faster than it really is. and this makes women go to the hospital way before they're supposed to. and then your doctor gets mad.

now, i haven't gone to the hospital because i'd rather direct traffic in a string bikini at this point, but trust me, the strong powers of google have created an intense state of paranoia.

my lower back has been KILLING me lately, and when i googled that (basically looking for some ideas of how to relieve the pain medicine-free), all i could see was GO TO THE HOSPITAL. YOU'RE IN LABOR!!!!

my "issue" yesterday that i oh so politely let you all know about. well, dang if you try to google that and see if its normal or a concern to tell the doctor about because the response out there basically say GO TO THE HOSPITAL. YOU'RE IN LABOR!!!!

and i'm all like, really? i thought it was just poop.

Monday, April 6, 2009


i'm sorry, but this is involves bodily functions and may be too much information for a general audience. go ahead and just close the browser, walk away, and come back another day.


i don't understand poop.

i mean, i PRAYED (quite literally)for 5 or 6 days at a time that i'd just for the love of Mary poop already. when i'd go in for my check-ups at two-week intervals, the doc would at times say "WHOA!" at the weight gain, and then i'd shamefully have to explain that all i wanted was to poop, and it'd been a week since my plea had been granted.

fast forward to today.

i can't stop. i'm just trying to get through my day without having to make ANOTHER bathroom trip. it's not like a stomach bug or anything. and i want it, and need it to stop. i mean, come on. i just want to answer phone calls and harass old people for money without having to excuse myself every 20 minutes.

is that too much to ask, colon? is it?

i didn't think so.

week 972, aka the thirty sixth week


first things first, just look at this.

yeah, that's what i thought, too.

so yesterday you had this glorious shower where the main goal was to cover your butt in some sort of paper so that you wont ruin the rugs. last night i posted a facebook status declaring that we had received over 700 diapers!! how awesome is that!? and then, this morning when i first got in the car, i noticed that my trunk flap was up in my car. after getting out to put it back down, i discovered another 120 diapers in my trunk! luckily they diapers are all in varying sizes, so we don't have 8 million newborn diapers (because lets face it, those wont fit your booty for too long).

speaking of which, we played this game where everyone was supposed to guess how big you were going to be. i'll go ahead and venture to say that the average weight guessed was around 9 and a half pounds--but there were more than enough 10 pounder answers to make me cringe. let's just freak 'em all out, and you can weigh like, oh, say, 7 pounds even?

right now your room looks like a small disaster area. between all your goodies, you have wooden drawers EVERYWHERE while we move your dresser out to be painted. it's a madhouse, i tell you. a madhouse. (quick, name that movie!).

well, since you haven't been able to see it yet, i'll just tell you that it's "planet of the apes", just my favorite movie series EVER. and i'm not even kidding. when your dad thinks i'm weird, you know there's an issue.

love (and apes)!,

the mom

Sunday, April 5, 2009


john and i had a diaper shower from our church family this afternoon, and we are completely blessed. the turnout was much more than i could have even imagined, and just knowing that there's such a large support system ready for us when the time comes for jonas (or asher...i may call him that) to arrive that it almost overwhlems me.

we are so thankful.

jasmine and garrett opened their home for friends and family alike to gather and celebrate the upcoming life of our son, providing food, fun, and love.

we are so thankful.

our child now has a huge assortment of diapers to cover his booty, wipes to make him clean, and some new cute outfits.

we are so thankful.

our bellies are filled, our hearts are warmed, and our dog barks at the (incredibly adorable i don't want to take it apart) diaper "cake" that kanya created.

we are so thankful.

my back seat is STILL filled with so many gifts (and my stack of thank you notes keeps growing).

we are so thankful.

Friday, April 3, 2009

fat or pregnant

so i've mentioned before that john and i play a horrible, horrible game called "fat or pregnant", in which we try to determine if said subject is pregnant or just carrying around extra belly weight.

i can't type this too loud (well, i can. because i'm inside and they can't hear me type?) but thre's a chick right now outside of my office window who just left subway (yes, at 10:20am) and i swear she is pregnant. i mean, there are obvioius clues...she's at subway at 10:20am. she has a big belly (that actually looks just a little smaller than mine).

so she opened the passenger door of the car she came in, laid some stuff down in the seat, and came back out to stand next to the car.

i couldn't help but notice that her pants were saggy and that her shirt had ridden up, revealing several inches of belly and ass-crack. sadly, i've been there too (not so much with the ass crack, but with the belly...i mean, i even went to walmart with a couple inches exposed on the underside because frankly i didn't feel like changing and don't care anymore).

so i felt bad for her, and prayed that she'd feel the draft (because it's CHILLY outside today). she eventually did.

she bent over her purse, and got our what i thought was a cell phone. except that she lit it on fire.


before i ran out to confront her (because, honestly, i would)i realized that maybe she isn't pregnant? i mean...she is chunky everywhere else (she's obviously an apple shaped person compared to my usual pear), and maybe she just carries her weight all in her belly?

on any count, she could have kicked my ass.
so inside i stayed.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

easter huntin'

so for the past week i've had this just horrible runny nose, you know the kind where you could blow your nose until you're blue in the face, but it just doesn't make a difference?

yeah. i'm sexy.

because of this, i've started to just keep a roll of toliet paper on my desk close at hand. today when i could feel a sneeze coming on, i went ahead and unrolled some paper, and stab me in the kidney if i'm lying, but a hershey's carmel kiss fell out of my toliet paper roll.

so i did what anyone would do--wiped my nose, looked around, and then ate the candy. because who would be dumb enough to lay a piece of candy around a pregnant woman and NOT expect it to be devoured.

a few minutes later, i was feeling around in one of my plethera of drawers when i came across a mini musketeer bar. this time i hesitated for much longer. after the 3 second waiting period had passed, i chomped on that, too.

i just found a peanut butter cup. the games are on!

end result of today:
i'm afraid that when i am done being pregnant that my treats will disappear forever.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

the real world.

you know, the real world is hard.

there are springs and winters; sometimes the blooms are lost before they even had a chance.

so many people that i care about are hurting right now. there's anger, sadness, mourning, and confusion. things seem to happen in threes, and when it rains, it pours.

like everyone knows, robb invited a storm to come into our lives. and it's hard to welcome that with open arms because storms are big, scary, STRONG, harsh, wild things that leave wreckage behind. recently we've had a series of spring thunderstorms, and they've been impresive.

but despite how scared, how intimidated, how powerful that storm was...i'm surprised everytime i walk out the front door the next day. because the earth, overnight, while winds thrashed, rain poured, and hail pelted our surroundings, is amazingly more beautiful than it was the day before--before the storm had come. the grass is greener, you can smell the freshness of the dirt, the sky is so clear.

and you look at that, and imagine how can anyone say that our God is not great?

we are blessed with a wise and powerful that doesn't always give us the answers because sometimes we just don't need to know everything. He allows heartache and pain, and surrounds us with comfort and love. our God is big and mysterious.

i've always imagined God in two very different ways.

on one hand, i have always thought of God as the wind that blows, scattering the dandelion seeds in what seems to be a crazy pattern that we just can't understand.

and on the other hand, i've always thought of God as this giant child crouched over this play city.

our God is good.

and the doctor said...

it's been a rough day thus far. last night the dog was killing me, so i put him outside. this morning, john went and brought him back inside to sleep with him and it sort of ruined any notion i had of sleeping in any before my doctor's appointment. the dog was just everywhere, and while i love him, it's really hard for me to get comfortable and he just doesn't seem to understand that. dumb puppy. john kept being sweet and tried to snuggle, but at this point i was in just no mood, and after scooting as far as i possibly could on my side without falling off, somehow between john and the puppy, i had enough. i got up and went to the other room to sleep for another hour and a half in peace, stretched out as much as i could.

i got up about 7:45am, and went to wake up john, and it just wasn't going to happen. i got upset that, gasp, he wanted to sleep after working all night, and left for the appointment.

of course i know how dumb that is, and will apologize to him when i get back home (and probably before then too, because i do feel really bad for being upset at him).

but i went in for the most recent of appointments, and in two weeks i start the final process (with all the fun pelvic exams). they found some sugar in my urine, which isn't a huge deal seeing that it was so little (and i told him that i DID eat some chopped tomatoes and onions with a raspberry vinegarette before bed, and that was probably it).

the baby still has a heart that beats strongly, and still refuses to move from his apparently comfy way of chillin' in my uterus.

but john should be thinking twice if he's going to get to miss my pelvics that are coming up--he got to miss the first one, and never again will i do that without him. yuck.