Tuesday, March 24, 2009

death becomes her

tonight after i got home from work, john and i decided to tackle some much needed chores.

he set to work on the ever-growing pile of dishes, and i got my tush into a pair of sweats and sneakers to go to wal-mart. we were just about out of food, so i already knew that the long list of groceries in hand would take a lot longer than normal.

so off i went, cruising aisle after aisle after aisle. you never really realize how many people stare at pregnant women until you ARE that pregnant woman, and then you feel not unlike the bearded woman from the circus who missed the carnie caravan out of town.

in other words, you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb, especially when your grunting while trying to get fat free milk from the bottom shelf in the dairy cooler.

anyway, i FINALLY got done with the food items on the list when i headed over to the tolietries. while looking at bubble bath, my body finally was feeling the ever growing weight of the baby and my tummy, and my arms and back finally realized that i was pushing a cart that was WAY too full. i tried to move the cart a few feet up so another customer could look at the items on the shelf, and the cart wouldn't go. i couldn't make it move. my body was exhausted and refused to push anymore. i huffed and puffed and even grunted like a linebacker...but no dice. i was done.

and that's when it hit me--i was going to die between the mr. bubble and a display for vagisil. and wouldn't that make for a great headline:

"OCTU-MOM LOOK-A-LIKE FOUND DEAD BETWEEN BUBBLE BATH AND VAGINAL ITCH RELIEF CREAM"

i finally got the cart going, however, and was able to load up the car and drive the 1.5 minutes home. i backed into the driveway, and pitifully asked that john help me carry in the groceries because it would have taken me another hour to unload the car in my physical state.

maybe having this baby early doesn't sound so bad after all.

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