Monday, January 26, 2009

my last ride along

on saturday i had my final ride along. well, the last one for a while, atleast, seeing that i'm 6 and a half months pregnant.

it was pretty uneventful for the first 6 hours...john even mentioned that i must be a jinx because everytime i get in the squad car, it's a slow night. not too long after he said that, we got a call to back up a domestic issue...and we ended up taking a very smelly man to jail.

we thought that was exciting, and i was completely satisfied with the day. at 9:45, we went back to the department to turn in the taser and evidence camera, and to wait until 10pm.

at 9:50pm, all of the guys started running to their cars. RUNNING. i ran right behind them, not really sure what was going on, but knowing i had to get in the car fast because something was wrong.

we started driving fast. really fast. there was a burglary in progress...and we were going 85 miles an hour through the city--4 or 5 police cars in a row. and then dispatch came over the radio and said:

the caller heard over the baby monitor a man talking to her child. she's afraid the baby is gone. she's afraid to leave her room to check.

i immediately started to cry, and john accelerated his speed to 110mph. the fear of getting there too late, the baby being gone, or hurt, or dead...it was all too much.

we pulled up in front of the house, blue lights whirling, and car after car filed in. i repeated my silent prayers "please let the baby be okay. please let the baby be okay. please let the baby be okay" as john and the other officers surrounded the house. they finally (it felt like an eternity) entered...to find that the baby was safe in his crib.

and then i cried some more. some tears of relief. some of thankfulness. some of now really understanding the fear that mother had gone through.

it brought me back to several weeks ago at church when we were singing my favorite lyrics...fall on your knees...i reached behind me to adjust my skirt and sweater, and i felt a large wet spot. immediately i ran to the bathroom, and lifted my skirt up and started to cry when i saw that it was light brown/red in color.

i couldn't believe it. i prayed that i wasn't having a miscarriage...not at being 19 weeks pregnant. i didn't know what to do, and started to have a minor meltdown. i'm not sure what made me do it, but i brought the fabric to my nose and smelled it. i know the smell of blood, it's unmistakenable.

but so is the smell of coffee. and that's what it was. someone had splashed coffee into my seat while they were walking past my chair.



i've known love. i can say that i do love john unconditionally. he can do anything...and i still love him. we can fight, we can argue..we can really really not like each other. but he's still the one person that i'll always love.

but now there's another little man coming on the way. and if i already love him this much to worry about his life before he even takes his first breath, i can't imagine what it will be like when i get to hold him in my arms for the first time.

1 comment:

Sadie said...

Oh my god. I don't know if John told you about the message I sent him, about some guy leaving weird messages on Rusty's phone. Over the last week I have been working toward getting over the panicked feeling that someone is in my house, and going to steal my baby, something that I have been afraid of since she was born. I just got back to where I could let her sleep in her own room, but as I read this, the panic rose up in my throat again. My god, I can barely tolerate to think about what that poor woman was going through.

Wendi, you will be amazed by how much you love Jonas, and amazed by how fiercely you want to protect him. It is a crazy thing, being a mother and so helpless with love for your baby.