Friday, January 30, 2009


today is a day where i need sushi. while i can't enjoy the pure raw fishy love that i ultimately crave, i'm pretty sure that i'm going to have to hit the grocery store to pick up supplies for the rolls that i can enjoy--crab.

john and i really like making sushi together, and honestly, it comes out pretty damn good for two pale white kids; one a natural arkansan and the other from...ugh, texas. don't think less of us because he's from texas. he can't help it.

anyway, we haven't made sushi together in FOREVER. actually, since we've been in this house in may. and that's just too long, people.

we both have our roles that are crucial. john prepares the rices over the stove since we don't have a steamer, and i prepare all of the innards and actually roll them. i mean, john can roll them too, but mine are just prettier, you know?

it's not bragging if it's true. or maybe it is. but it is true. whatever.

so i'm thinking that this weekend we may just do this, because I NEED IT. i need the crab and the cucumber and the seaweed and the rice and the wasabi and the soy sauce and the cream cheese (but no msg please. it kills my stomach).

and trust me, my friends, after jonas pops out, there are just 2 things i really want. a beer and raw fish. and i don't even really like beer. but man...i've been craving one like crazy (in the non-alcoholic person sort of way).


did anyone watch the today show while the olympics where on this summer? i watched it every morning, and one day they did a special about traditional chinese treats. i really thought nothing of it until last week when it hit me...i needed the carmalized sugar-coated fresh fruit on a stick.

google it. it's AMAZING LOOKING.

the end.

Monday, January 26, 2009

my last ride along

on saturday i had my final ride along. well, the last one for a while, atleast, seeing that i'm 6 and a half months pregnant.

it was pretty uneventful for the first 6 hours...john even mentioned that i must be a jinx because everytime i get in the squad car, it's a slow night. not too long after he said that, we got a call to back up a domestic issue...and we ended up taking a very smelly man to jail.

we thought that was exciting, and i was completely satisfied with the day. at 9:45, we went back to the department to turn in the taser and evidence camera, and to wait until 10pm.

at 9:50pm, all of the guys started running to their cars. RUNNING. i ran right behind them, not really sure what was going on, but knowing i had to get in the car fast because something was wrong.

we started driving fast. really fast. there was a burglary in progress...and we were going 85 miles an hour through the city--4 or 5 police cars in a row. and then dispatch came over the radio and said:

the caller heard over the baby monitor a man talking to her child. she's afraid the baby is gone. she's afraid to leave her room to check.

i immediately started to cry, and john accelerated his speed to 110mph. the fear of getting there too late, the baby being gone, or hurt, or was all too much.

we pulled up in front of the house, blue lights whirling, and car after car filed in. i repeated my silent prayers "please let the baby be okay. please let the baby be okay. please let the baby be okay" as john and the other officers surrounded the house. they finally (it felt like an eternity) find that the baby was safe in his crib.

and then i cried some more. some tears of relief. some of thankfulness. some of now really understanding the fear that mother had gone through.

it brought me back to several weeks ago at church when we were singing my favorite lyrics...fall on your knees...i reached behind me to adjust my skirt and sweater, and i felt a large wet spot. immediately i ran to the bathroom, and lifted my skirt up and started to cry when i saw that it was light brown/red in color.

i couldn't believe it. i prayed that i wasn't having a miscarriage...not at being 19 weeks pregnant. i didn't know what to do, and started to have a minor meltdown. i'm not sure what made me do it, but i brought the fabric to my nose and smelled it. i know the smell of blood, it's unmistakenable.

but so is the smell of coffee. and that's what it was. someone had splashed coffee into my seat while they were walking past my chair.

i've known love. i can say that i do love john unconditionally. he can do anything...and i still love him. we can fight, we can argue..we can really really not like each other. but he's still the one person that i'll always love.

but now there's another little man coming on the way. and if i already love him this much to worry about his life before he even takes his first breath, i can't imagine what it will be like when i get to hold him in my arms for the first time.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


any thing you type that resembles but isn't in that exact order will get you dirty, dirty porn.

yeah. it just happened. again.

i really need to use my history bar instead of typing things.


i'm sure all of you have already been exposed, but just in case, let me share with you the current joys of my life:

jonas NEEDS this...

i'm obsessed with this...

this occupies our living room...

this is the house we want...

and i really want one of these...

(it's a shetland pony!)

sigh. it's a wonderful life.

of food and men

now, let's just be honest. let's get real. i'm about to make a confession.

i'm not a great cook.

while not a surprise to the most of you (because i'll gladly skirt any chance to bring food to an event), it feels better to come clean about it. now, i'm not a bad cook. at all. actually, i can make a lot of things from scratch (no recipe!!) which is a huge feat.

john and i recently talked about eating right, healthy, and what that meant for us. so we implented a sort of rule; when shopping at wal-mart for groceries, we only shop along the perimeter. we're allowed to go in the inner aisles for things like cereal, peanut butter, soup...things like that. but we skip aisles with things like zebra cakes, sprites, and nutella.

so last night was my first time doing this. we're on a tight budget since we've paid all our bills and a trip to dallas with our last paychecks. but we also needed to basically re-stock our food supply because we had nothing. so i bought things that were off brands unless it was something really important to me (like buying brown, cage free organic eggs) or important to john (raisin bran). i had a huge cart of food, and started to worry a little bit about the total. it was only $80! that may seem like a lot...but it was so much food--enough to last us until the next pay day (not including re-stocking on things like milk, eggs, and ground turkey).

i also browned all of the turkey last night (some for tacos and some for pasta in the next few days) and made tuna salad for tonight's dinner.

and because i love you all, and i'm feeling very pioneer womanish right now i'm my great culinary achievements, i'm giving you, yes you!! my grandma sue's recipe for what i like to think of as "poor white people tacos".

1 lb of ground turkey (or beef...john and i just don't really do red meat)
1 can of pork n beans
chopped white onion
diced tomato
shredded cheese of your choice
flour tortillas or hard taco shells (your choice!)
sour cream

i know that reading over the list of exquisite ingredients, you're wondering why the hell we use pork n beans in this. the answer is i'm not sure...but it makes it tasty.

we brown one pound of meat, drain it, and then add the can of pork n beans. it's a 1:1 if you use 2 pounds (like we usually do), then 2 cans of pork n beans, etc.

we keep it classy.

then you just pick out your vessel (flour tortilla for me!) and load up what you want on it.

like i said....i like to think of these as "poor white people tacos". it's tasty, tastes nothing like a real taco/burrito, and just has enough trashiness in the pork n beans to make it delicious.

i'm serious. this is one of john's favorite meals. it's his "birthday dinner" at grandma's house every year.

who needs culinary school when you have me to teach you? no one, my friends.

eat your heart out, paula deen.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


when you're at work (or hell, anywhere public) make sure that when you're typing in your browser that you spell it correctly.

because i JUST just just JUST apparently had a small typo and instead of having to ignore group requests like usual, i was met face to...well...not so much face as other parts of the human anatomy on a porn site.

i could have just died. i think the site was something like or something like me...i'm not going to try and figure it out.

operation social butterfly in the works

yes, you've read right. john and i, for our "new years resolution" (even though we both think that they're full of crap), have decided to make a pointed effort to be more social.

on monday night we had dinner with our wedding photographers (because they're AWESOME people) at buffalo wild wings (my choice!!! yum!!!!) and had a great time. and of course, we had a super social butterfly weekend in dallas. starting this weekend, john is working days, so that makes it so much easier for us to do things with other people together since he's free any night opposed to only being free monday and tuesday nights.

we've got things to schedule with people and i'm completely excited.

on the house hunt--we've found another house that we really like. we're hoping it's "do-able" with all parties involved. and we're hoping that we can get it for a good bit lower than what it's listed at because 1. there's some old water damage, 2. the guy who owns it is in prison for a very long time.

the things you learn from google.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


so, if you know me and we get to talking at all, you may soon realize that i'm politically liberal. very liberal. borderline socialist, actually.

if you know john and you get to talking at all, you may soon realize that he's politically moderate to liberally conservative. very moderate. almost unusually moderate actually.

we have differing political opinions on most things--and that's okay. one thing that i really enjoy about our relationship is that we are able to have different political viewpoints and we respect the other's opinions. there's no bashing of political parties, but there's thoughtful communication.

i hope to raise jonas in a home where he learns to respect other's views and opinions as having value, but strong clings to what he believes.

i believe that you CAN be politically close-minded as long as you have loving and open ears. it's okay to listen to what someone has to say and vehemetly disagree. just give them respect.

even if they voted for bush.


life at 25 weeks pregnant

1. i've never been happier to poop in my life.

2. i never thought i'd be in a bridesmaid dress at 6 months pregnant.

3. i'm pretty positive that when you are pregnant, the space time continum is completey disrupted. time speeds up to an incredible rate, and then, i understand, stops to a slow, debilitating lull just weeks before giving birth.


enough said.

5. oh feet and belly button...i miss you.

6. buffalo wild wings is DELICIOUS.

7. there's a huge competition to make sure that our nursery is cooler and jonas is cuter than any other baby. unfortunately, i'm the only one aware of this competition.

8. the idea of giving birth to a child in a time when i can for sure say that anyone can become president is an overwhelming feeling.

9. jonas has a jonesin' for blueberry coffee.

10. my love and respect for john has grown multitudes since becoming pregnant. he makes me feel like i'm beautiful and special and amazing...which can be really hard when you feel like you have lost control of your body.

Monday, January 19, 2009

the monster still liveth

on friday before our trek to the state of all that can fit in a pick-up truck, we had our monthly pre-natal appointment for jonas.

at this appointment, i was actually scared because i had gained weight since the last one. 6 pounds, at that. that puts me now equal to what i was when i found out i was pregnant at the end of august...and 6 pounds in one month is a lot. so i was afraid that our doctor was going to be mad or stern.

he did make a "wow!" noise whenever he saw the gain, and i immediately said "about that..." and explained the poop (or extreme, extreme lack there of) issue. he said that would completely have an effect on the sudden weight gain (because i'm carrying around more than my fair share of yuckies) and told me exactly what to do to make myself feel just right as rain again.

we did the whole blood pressure thing, and it was good and safely low as usual, and his heartbeat was strong as usual. we scheduled the glucose screening (yay :(. ) and the next pre-natal appointment (yay!) for february. i can't believe that i'm 6 months pregnant...frankly, it's terrifying.

and i think that's about it. our little monster isn't so little anymore.

we're getting ready to purchase his first couple pairs of chucks--the essential for any boy living at our house.

back from the pits of hell

otherwise known as driving through texas and oklahoma.

so, we're back! the wedding was amazing; i cried the entire time. it was so fantastic to catch up with everyone that we love so much. operation "get everyone back to nwa" is currently in motion. jamie and sarah are re-applying for jobs here, and we're looking for jobs for zach and carole so that they have to come back here to live with us.

highlights of the weekend:

waking up in the middle of the night to realize that our air mattress apparently had a slow leak and now we're just laying on top of a deflated air mattress.

both of our headlights going out JUST as we're leaving the church for the rehearsal dinner

1/6 of the bridal party losing their id's

being forced (okay, strong language, but you understand) to cuddle with john at night for sheer need of body heat

realizing that when i act as "the big spoon" that i get screwed because jonas prevents any close spoonage

griffin's 70's gay porn star mustache

watching zach knock his mirror off his truck

i pooped. twice!

and so much more

truly, we're blessed to have these amazing friends--and we're sad that we can't enjoy times like these weekly (or nightly) like we were used to just 8 or 9 months ago.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

wtf, and way tmi

how did i not know it was supposed to snow last night and today?

oh yeah, because i spent last night praying that i would just poop. the joys of pregnancy, yes?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

determination--we will either find a way or make. --hannibal

1. so the lady who made me cry on the phone before christmas because her appointment had to be rescheduled came in today.

2. she gave me biscotti.

3. and now all is well and we're bffs.

4. for the record, jonas is NOT named after the singing trio of brothers.

5. we got the name in our hearts from weezer.

6. and that makes a HUGE difference.

7. so the house we loved fell through. the bank took an offer hours before ours was in.

8. we're bummed.

9. but, we're hopeful because we found so many other houses that may be EVEN BETTER!

10. we get to see zach and carole this weekend because


12. i'm serious, this biscotti is the shit.

13. i think it's odd that words like "shit" can be used in any context. you know, "it's hot as shit" "it's colder than shit out here", etc etc

14. not that i curse.

15. okay. i do.

16. our puppy may be the best dog on earth.

17. i'm so excited to eat lunch!

18. gas-x is a god amongst drugs.

19. i forgot my glasses today.

20. oh well...biscotti!


so our wonderful friends, zach and carole, got engaged during easter weekend in march. we all got to be there for it, and within a few months, they came up for our wedding festivities, we attended their engagement party, and life was grand. the weekend of their engagement party i "picked out" my bridesmaid dress i would be wearing for the wedding.

and then two weeks later we discover that i'm pregnant. so all plans change, and the dress i had chosen was not going to work for a woman who was going to be 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding. i decided to wait until october to pick out the dress and order it just because it would hopefully give me a little bit more idea how large and in charge i would be in january. so i tried on the size of dress that i would have worn if i wasn't pregnant (because it was flowy and empire, it didn't matter that i was 3 months pregnant)and we decided to go up two sizes, with the mindset that i would take it in if i needed to.

well, i needed to. i took it by them a couple weeks ago, and they called me yesterday to say that it was just too big--and that they had the next two smaller sizes for me to try on.

i did. and it fit. the original size.

oh're killing me.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

growing pains

i am not even kidding you when i say that my stomach is growing right now. literally, right now. i can feel it. and it hurts in a way that makes it hard to sit at my desk unless i'm reclined, but then want to die when i have to sit up to grab the phone.


Monday, January 12, 2009

conversations from inside a police car

on saturday, i got to do my weekly ride-along with johnny. there were the usual stops, but, BUT this day, we had some excitement. drunken men at a bar/grill in rogers means fight time. we got to run code (aka go REALLY FAST WITH LIGHTS AND SIRENS through the city) and john got to search a bad guy.

and then he put him in the back of the car. john's car. MY car. and john left to do some important things involving the situation.

at first, the bad guy thought i was a boy, i think. i was wearing a stocking hat, coat, and no make-up, so it's an easy mistake. but john asked me how i was doing, and the bad guy noticed that i was a girl, so he decided to play nice and chat me up.

he let me know that john was doing a first-rate job, not going overboard but also not slacking off. also, he just didn't understand how he got in the back of the car.

he also smelled like he bathed in vodka and beer.

but now i have a new friend...drunken smelly guy. bff's!

Friday, January 9, 2009


so, i love fridays at work. they're a special breed of day--you never know what may happen.

let's just go ahead and re-cap my day thus far.

i get to work at 8am, and remember that i'm the only one at the office until either late morning or early afternoon. not really that unusual because on friday we usually don't see any's just a time for lab work, phone calls, scheduling, book keeping, etc.

at, oh, let's say 9am, the audiologist next door comes over and asks me to help her. no sweat, i'm thinking. i can run over and help. so i lock up, and i'm just guessing that she needs me to help move something, you know...regular stuff.

nope. i'm holding some old dude's ear open while she digs around in there looking for hearing aide parts that he's lost. in his ear. his waxy, waxy ear.

after i finish there, i grab some coffee at work and bust open my secret stash of zebra cakes when the SAME DAMN GUYS who came by YESTERDAY try again TODAY to sell some freaking candles for some camp.

i look at them, and asked if i needed to make a dental appointment for them. they said nope...just want to sell candles. i told them that we STILL didn't want any candles, and then they asked if i even had a dollar i could donate.

i may have lost a little bit of my cool. and i may have told them that they can leave our building, and please to not ever try to sell anything here ever again.

after that, the bosses came in. and now, we're getting ready for some mellow mushroom yumminess.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

on the upswing

today my boss pulled me into her office. i honestly thought i had done something wrong...but i couldn't have been more off base.

she wanted to talk to me about a Japanese man named Luke that they're interviewing next week. if he got the job, he'd be creating crowns--laying the porcelain, staining, etc. basically, what is considered "tooth painting". (which is exactly what my end goal job is).

and this man, he's not any ordinary tooth painter.

he's known as one of the best in the world. actually, there are only 25 of them at his level. in the world. and he was taught by the man who is THE best in the world.

so, needless to say...we want him bad.

and if we get him, he's going to hold seminars for other offices, but also...going to personally train me.

yeah..i cried.

i pray he chooses us to come to.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

just a bit more

oh, and i just realized i'm all of like..16 weeks until the monster goes all Alien-style on me.

in case you didn't know, that's only 4 months. FOUR MONTHS. this is completely ridiculous, because frankly, i'm not ready. and i'm pretty sure that last night on the way home from work, i decided that i'm not going to do child birth.

now, that sounds illogical, but go with me for a minute. childbirth is painful. i've never experienced it, but i'm the same girl who threw up on herself because i scraped my foot and it bled a lot. and then i cried. i'm the girl who puts off grooming my eyebrows because damnit!! it hurts.

yeah, i hear about the whole amnesia thing, where you forget the pain and then want another baby right away.

i'm not so sure.

i think i've come up with an alternative to the actual birth. hear me out---

what if, i know it sounds crazy, but what if we could install the transportation devices that they use on star trek? we could just beam the baby out of us and into some cute jammies in their crib.

i need to call NASA and the AMA. i may just be a genius.


1. spaghetti noodles and manwich sauce do not a tasty meal make.

2. when this is your best option for dinner, you know it's time to go to the store.

3. i've been wearing my glasses non-stop since i got them.

4. until today when i ran out the door. and now i'm blind.

5. i need to make phone calls to friends today.

6. that is, unless my head falls off again today and i forget.

7. im really craving ritz crackers with a cream cheese/spicy peach jelly spread.

8. i've only had said cracker combination once, about a month ago. it changed my life.

9. i'm really gassy today.

10. sorry, i know. tmi. get over it.

11. i woke up to a growling puppy.

12. said puppy is still a pervert and watches way too intently when i change clothes in front of him. he only does this to me.

13. my hair is brown.

14. i'm debating wearing my extentions for carole's wedding. if i do, i'm just going to pop them in, and maybe do a simple side braid thing. and maybe add a headband.

15. i may later do this (like tonight) and take pictures. maybe you can tell me if i look like a tool bag or not.

16. sometimes, i forget i'm pregnant, and just think my belly is really fat.

17. and then the acid comes to my throat, and i remember. oh, i remember.

18. john had an amazing time this weekend at the bachelor party.

19. i ate soup this weekend.

20. is it nap time yet?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


why is it that the elderly and the handicapped are unable to correctly place their vehicle registration stickers on their license plate? how hard, really, is it to put the new year sticker where the old year sticker is?

brought to you by the now car registration sticker anal wife of the original car registration sticker anal cop.

makin' love in the afternoon with cecila, up in my bedroom.

just wanted to leave you with a line from one of my all-time favorite songs (and it was FOR SURE my favorite song when i was 3-5 years old)...simon and garfunkel's "cecila". the way, if you ever hear of another simon and garfunkel reunion tour, please let me know. they're right behind the beatles when it comes to my heart.

let's see. okay, here's what i'll talk about. john and i are starting to think about looking at maybe buying a house. yeah, it's a longshot, but we're going to see what's up.

basically, last spring when we were looking for a rental house, we met this realtor. and she was AWESOME. i don't think that realtors really make any money when they find people a rental house, and i know we didn't pay her a dime..but every weekend for about a month she would take us to various houses around rogers just to see what was available and what we liked. we loved her. and she checked on us a month or so after we moved in just to see how we were doing.

so with the housing market like it is, with me making more money than i had been before (and taxable income at that), we're just going to see if we can even get a loan. right now we're looking at foreclosures because they're usually a lot cheaper, but also usually take a little longer to get it all processed (which is great because we'd like to start to look now, but wouldn't want to move until march or april). she knows several bankers personally, and also knows an investor who likes to buy houses and do owner purchases through that.

so, monday night she's coming over to our house after i get off work, bearing gifts of pizza and possibly reassurance.

i think we may be in WAY over our heads. we don't even have any sort of clue how much of a house we can afford, let alone if we'd even get approved for a loan. we've only been looking at houses that run no higher than $76,000 just so we wont get any sort of hopes up.

oh well...let it be. :)

Monday, January 5, 2009

i've got a fetus, but have lost my brain.

so, i always heard about the urban legend of

...........PREGNANCY BRAIN............

and thought of it as just that-complete fiction.

and now, i have a confession. and let me assure you, it's one of many examples i'm about to list..

but the other night, john and i were watching a "storm chasers" special, and they kept mentioning omaha and nebraska.

i leaned over to john and asked:

is nebraska a state?

please note that i studied history/social studies/and geography in college.

and today, my boss asked me to hand her a thick stack of plain printer paper. and all i could do was stare and nod. i had forgotten what paper was.

let me repeat that. I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT PAPER WAS.

god help us.

my clock doesn't go that early.

i'm used to waking up at 6:30 (if not earlier) every day. EVERY DAY. i know that this doesn't seem early to you people, but for's pretty stinking good. my body got set to this constant beat of getting up at 6:30 and absolutely crashing by 9:30 at night. it was beautiful.

i think that my body got spoiled over the break from work. because now, now my friends, opening my eyes before 10 am seems ungodly. it's not that i'm even in such deep slumber all night long, or that i'm so unbelievably comfortable. it's because it's daylight outside, and that means that the baby stops moving.

i'm going to be birthin' a vampire.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


I had been lucky that during my pregnancy, I really hadn't experienced heartburn. yes yes, if I had jalapenos on my subway sandwich I would undoubtly feel it burning hours later. but, I just stopped having them. and everything was great.

everything was great until two weeks ago, that is. that's when the planets lined up in in such a manner where the world was against me. night after night, hell, even during the day, I was dying. my chest was on fire...and there was no quelching it. last night I finally looked up what caused this internal damnation.

my love for fresh salads with vinegarettes, tomatoes, spaghetti, orange juice, chocolate chip cookies, and mashed potatoes are all to blame.

I'm not sure if someone hacked into this site and listed only the foods that I eat right now...but all I know is that this is a sick, sick joke. it's just wrong. i'd feel better if it had just mentioned greasy foods, spicy foods, copious amounts of alcohol...but my salads? my mashed potatoes?

I'm not amused.

Friday, January 2, 2009


how I spent my new years eve:

I worked 8-5. during this time, i let a wheelchair bound homeless woman who had a beard use our office restroom. I don't get concerned when it takes her a while seeing that, well, she's in a wheelchair. about 30 minutes after she leaves, I walk by the restroom to use it. immediately I am knocked down with the foulest smell I have ever been party to. in a crazyily desperate move, I shut the door. but it's too late.

the smell has attached itself to me.

tears in my eyes, I go to my boss and explain the situation. I tell her I don't know what happened in that room...but a large animal may have died in there. she laughs, grabs a medical mask and gloves, and makes the restroom human again. all while I sit and try to febreeze myself free of the fumes.

after work I ate a leftover quesadilla from johns dad. john got home after 10pm, and I was in bed by 10:30.

I missed the ball drop, but john watched it and then came to kiss me happy new year.

I lead an exciting life.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

there's no place like home...

I'm despertely wishing it was march. in march, we're talkin to our current landlords to see what the rent would be if we signed another year long lease. if it stays the same, we are staying. and if it raises, we move.

I really pray it stays the same. I love this house, and really really want to be able to start setting up the room for our monster. I also like that it's big enough that we can have peope stay over (ahem, which we wouldn't need if you all just moved back already), there's a backyard to zeus, and it's just really cool to be honest.

and jonas's room, quite frankly, is going to kick so much ass. I'm really jealous of his d├ęcor.

oh, and I've decided that when birthin' time comes, no one is staying at our house. it's fantastic if people come and visit, or hang out for a bit...but I know me, and I know I get overwhelmed when people stay at the house for more than several hours at a time when not stressed and hormonal. I can't imagine what I'm going to be like while in labor/being a brand brand new momma.

so if you love me, or john...please to home or to a hotel or a friends house or anywhere but here. we love you, but love even more the little sliver of sanity I may have at that point.