Wednesday, December 30, 2009


help me out by checking in at my new weight loss blog (and keep me accountable!!)..


Monday, December 28, 2009

gut bustin’

about once a week for the past couple of weeks, i’ll give jonas the chance to feed himself. it’s never gone very well. between him not being able to grasp the baby-sized bites to FINALLY being able to pick one up but unable to actually get it to his mouth, it’s been a long road.

and then there was lunch today.

i laid out some sliced turkey deli meat, cheddar cheese hunks, and green peas. and by golly, while it was slow and shaky, and may have taken him several cries of frustration and about 45 minutes of time…he did it. he even used his sippy cup. without complaint, even.

cautiously optimistic, i prepared his dinner. john and i had this spicy chicken and black bean soup…so i just scooped out some of the black beans and a hunk of chicken (and shredded it for him), plopped down a couple snack puffs, and filled his sippy with water…and watched with amazement that he was doing 100% better than he did at lunch. while a good portion of it was caught into his bib…he actually ate A LOT. all by himself.

i’m excited by this newfound ability of his, his love for independence, and all of that. besides eating like a pro, he’s been standing for a week solid. i’m not kidding. every time i turn my head, i see him standing up. and not just standing up, but starting the beginning phase of cruising. he goes (verrrrrry slowly) back and forth between his exersaucer and strategically placed ottoman to whoever is sitting in the big green chair.

next week we’re signing him up for driver’s ed.


i’m going to be completely honest. i pretty much hate drinking water. hate it. yes, i order it at restaurants…but my motives are almost completely financially spurred.

but in an attempt to become a better version of me, i’m trying to not to drink soda for as long as possible. i don’t drink it often (almost only at work during lunch), but i want to become healthier, stronger, and a better example for jonas because frankly he catches on to things way too quickly.

so today at wal-mart, i bought a case of bottled water. and because the thought of drinking water sort of makes me gag a little, i also picked up some of these…

crystal light

and now my life is much happier. i’m drinking more water (two bottles so far!) with ease and without complaint. while it’s not as good as drinking straight water, at only 5 calories per bottle, it’s close enough for me.

maybe one day i’ll be a big girl and be able to drink plain water all by itself. but until then, i’ll be popping one of these in those crinkly plastic bottles.

Saturday, December 26, 2009


christmas this year was an entirely different experience for all of us. and all because of this.


this kid. this kid managed to open (with equal amounts of vigor and glee) more presents than i can physically count. he scaled boxes and bags of great heights. he made tissue paper crinkle and ribbon wish it was never born.


he may look at cute and cuddly, but believe me…christmas didn’t know what was coming.


he loved some of his presents so much that it was all he could do to not stand at attention. alone. because that’s what babies do. decide they can stand. alone. and then they fall down and then mommy’s have mini heart attacks and HOW MANY SHARP THINGS AND CORNERS ARE IN THIS ROOM? WHO DESIGNED THIS CRAP!? IT’S AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN.


and then you look in the back seat and see one of the cast members of “fargo”. and you realize that everything is going to be alright.

going live

so, this is all just basically one giant test.

john and i were able to purchase two netbooks today with our christmas haul, and mine has this windows live writer thingie on it which is essentially a blog crack dealer.

fingers crossed to this actually working!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


i'm going to put it it out there. from the stories i've heard about john growing up, i've known from day one that our child would be just like him. curious, into everything, innovative, and honery.

so i'm not really sure why i was so surprised last week by jonas. he had been asleep for a couple hours, and i was on my way to bed (it was 8:45 people. NIGHT NIGHT TIME.) when i could have sworn i heard him talking. alone. in his room. and that was completely confirmed as i walked in our bedroom to hear music turning on and off and a babbling baby speaking into the monitor.

a few nights later, i put him in his bed. he sleeps on his stomach (SIDS!) and he immediately just put his face STRAIGHT down on the sheet. like not turned at all to either side. highly suspicious of this strange behavior, i pretended to walk out of his room and just waited.

not a minute or two later, i saw him pop his head up, look around, sit up and start clapping. and then going for the monitor.

i'm not sure what worries me most: my child playing for all hours during the night in his room alone (which isn't horrible), him grabbing his monitor as a favorite toy, or the fact that he's an evil genius, already being faking being asleep.

Friday, December 18, 2009

the new teething toy

so this morning, i ran out to heat up the car while i left jonas playing in the living room. for those of you concerned for his safety, i made sure to move the set of steak knives 2 feet away from him. safety first, of course.

i so run out, turn the car on, and run back in. when i enter the living room, i see that zeusy has brought over his HUGE rawhide toy to the same rug that jonas was playing on. it was at that point that i remembered that i had left my flat iron on, so i ran to the bathroom to turn it off so that house wouldn't burn down. because man, that would suck, right?

i come back in to find no dog, and my child sitting there, happily gnawing away on the rawhide. i thought for a second about grabbing my camera or atleast my phone to take a picture, but then i remembered zeusy nibbling on his butt seconds before grabbing his chew toy. and then i sort of gagged a little.

or a lot. who's counting?

anyway, i take away the rawhide from jonas's grubby little hands, and i swear to you he looked up at me like i had just stabbed him in the kidneys. it was a look that almost made me reconsider taking away the rawhide and just giving it back to him.

damn kids.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

heart attack.

jonas has been trying for several weeks to pull himself up into a standing position. he will always get so close, and then his feet will slide just enough where a look of utter fear crosses his face and he crashes to the ground.

imagine the small heart attack i had on saturday morning as i walked back into the living room with my cup of juice...and this is what i saw.

yeah, just totally chilling. just hanging out and playing with his toys. and i was all like "JONAS! YOU ARE STANDING! YOU ARE MY ITTY BITTY BABY! WHERE'S THE CAMERA?! CRAP! WHERE'S MY PHONE!"

of course i said none of that aloud, just silently screaming it my head. i did my best super stealth moves, slllllllooooowwwwwllllllly putting down the cup of juice. and then slooooooooowwwwwly inching my fingers along the arm of the chair to grab my phone. then sllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyy opening the camera app, taking a few pictures.

after getting a few shots, i just knew that i HAD to get one of him facing me. in my mind, there would be a slight breeze blowing back his hair as his looked over his shoulder at me, giving me "blue steel".

instead, i called out his name, he looked at me...and fell down.

and that, my friends, is how i single-handedly ruined his first experience of standing up all by himself. i rule.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Sunday, December 13, 2009


so, like any decent mother, i'm inclined to believe that my baby can kick your baby's ass. you may be thinking to yourself that I'm crazy or overly competitive, and you'd be 100% accurate.

but if you are honest with yourself, you'd admit that you believe the same thing.

so, like I was saying, my kid is awesome. and yes, I know that by the time he is 3 he could have a total god complex. and to that I say neener neener neener, hatersssss. it's not my fault that John and I happen to create abnormally attractive offspring. not only is he heart crushingly adorable, he's also just a cool kid.

that all said, I'm not the only one in the family that believes that Jonas is rad. his great grandma (who watches him 4 days a week) has talked about his superiority over other babies for over a week now after having lunch with some church ladies. I knew it had gone a little too well when I picked him up that day to them saying what a manly baby Jonas was. I mean, the other baby is just two weeks younger and it can't do anything! Our baby can do everything! Their baby just laid in the infant carrier while OUR baby sat up and ate and laughed and had fun! No one said that the other baby was cute, but THIS baby got all the attention! and and they're baby has NO teeth! OUR baby has SIX teeth!!!!

after trying to explain that Jonas is sort of a freak and just starting teething super early, that i was sure that the other baby was cute, too, and that babies all develop skills at different rates, all I got in response was SIX teeth, Wendy! SIX TO ZERO.

And that evening as I tried to get him all bundled up to load up into the csr, his head was decidely larger as his hat no longer would fit.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009



today you are seven months old! way to go! we're all still alive! it's amazing!

you are getting to be more and more fun each day. you've figured out the relationship roles that you have with the main people in your life. daddy is fun. mommy is sweet. sure, sure. daddy can be sweet. and mommy? well, i can be hella fun. but it's not what you prefer. you know us all too well.

every morning, this is what we do. cuddle up in blankets while watching the morning news.

during the week you are usually way too tired from grandma's house to stay up and play with me...but on the weekends? well, it's game time. you love to go to your box of toys in the living room and get. them. all. out. and play with them all. at the same time.

yes, there's a nasal aspirator in your toy bin.
no, it's never been used as that. that's just icky, people.

you love to SPLASH and cling to your rubber ducky in the bathtub. it's pretty adorable, actually. i just don't dare take photos of you in the actual tub at this point because i'm way too busy wrangling your wiggly body.

you're all about the eskimo kisses, letting out a soft "aaah" whenever you get one.

that's pretty adorable, too.

you still love to eat (everything). we're starting to give you "people food". not that you're a dog. but. you know. i mean, you've never really had that much actual baby's always been just pure whatever that i've made. but now that you can munch on noodles? and turkey? and snacks? and bigger pieces of fruit? and whatever you want? you're unstopable.

you have SIX beautiful teeth. you're pulling up on things. you're moving across the room. you RUN in your walker.

you are simply amazing. and hilarious. you can always crack me up.
jonas, we love you. all of you.
except the poo. you can keep that to yourself.


Monday, December 7, 2009

this and that

this weekend i made pomanders, and now our house smells yummy. all orangey-spicey goodness! i can't wait until jonas is older...i really hope that these become a tradition in our home.

i'm sure that zeus hopes they will, too. because he likes to lick the oranges that are sitting near the fireplace. which is cool and all. i guess. sicko.

do you people know how hard it is to photograph a very mobile baby by yourself whilst balancing antlers on his head? if you don't, you should try it.

it's damn near impossible.

but i must say, he's the cutest stinking little reindeer in plaid i have ever seen.

Monday, November 30, 2009


from my extensive (ha.) experience as a mom, i'm going to let you in on one of the most terrifying things i have experienced to date (regarding my child, atleast. sprickets are in their own category of horror).

imagine my surprise when i walk in to "wake" him up one morning last week and HE POPS UP. POPS. i just about screamed. it was not unlike my reaction while watching the movie "halloween" when jamie lee curtis kills michael myers, sends the kids out of the house, and slumps to the ground, exhausted. only SUDDENLY, he's not dead. and he just POPS back up slowly, and out of focus. and everyone screams and is scared and wants to puke.

or is that just me?

anyway, i really hate surprises. and being scared. and it makes me just want to puke everywhere because i get all crazy in my stomach and suddenly it's hitting my uvula and making me gag. and then i want to die. because i hate puking.

i'm thinking i have some control issues.

Monday, November 23, 2009

supermarket sweep

on saturday jonas, his grammie, and i braved the world. we decided to go shopping at not only hobby lobby but also walmart. on a saturday. before thanksgiving.

we may not be the brightest, but we sure are cute.

anyway. hobby lobby was bumper to bumper traffic inside. but there were necessities! NECESSITIES! jonas NEEDED his first christmas stocking. and stocking holder. and things for his baby mobile i'm making (even though he's almost seven months old).

so we trudged through, and made it out alive. jonas (with aide from the grams) re-hydrated himself on the short drive to wal-mart. and thank god he did. because he was going to need every ounce of strength.

wal-mart was insane. not quite the day after thanksgiving sort of crazy, but you can imagine the saturday BEFORE thanksgiving madness. and to make it ALL THE MORE FUN, jonas decided that he was sleepy. very sleepy. VERY SLEEPY.

so there i was, in my own episode of supermarket sweep.

9 boxes of cream cheese? check.
3 tubs of sour cream? check.
1 box graham crackers? check.
3 boxes of instant banana pudding? che-OMG WHERE'S THE PUDDING?

that's right. my perfect score was totally ruined by three damn boxes of instant pudding. were they in the baking aisle? no. were they in the "confectionery" areas? NO.

do you want to know where they were? where THREE BOXES OF BANANA PUDDING CAN BE FOUND IN WAL-MART?

try the canned meat aisle.

wtf. someone in wal-mart's planning team just had to have a giggle fit over that one, imagining the poor loser searching in vain for banana pudding only to have it be next to the spam.

Friday, November 20, 2009

plaid delight.

i know that this might come as an utter and total shock to you...but i'm not domestic. and it's not like i'm just not good at cooking. or baking. or cleaning. or laundry. i equally suck at all of them.

people, i've ruined canned tomato soup. apparently if you want to jazz it up with a spice, it's not the best idea to forgo looking at labels and pick your spice solely on color. because then you end up sweating while eating your soup, trying to convince your (then) fiance that it's just expired and that's why it's SO DAMN HOT...instead of him finding the "red spice" that winded up being cayenne pepper.

it's quite an accomplishment.

that all said, i think that i must have been delusional when i offered to bake 2 cheesecakes and a pumpkin pie for thanksgiving. you know, to give my grandma a break. and when my mom said,"how about you make a new york style cheesecake!"

i said,"SURE!!"

and right after i uttered that one simple word, i immediately felt like one of those sorority girls who wakes up one morning with a massive headache, only to see facebook photos of their poor choices from the night before.

this was bad news.

so i did a little research. i found a recipe for new york style cheesecake, and decided that it was best for everyone involved if i made a "test" cake. you know, just incase it ended up being poisonous or something. i didn't want to be the one to take out three different parts of my family in a 2 day span.

i baked, i mixed, i crushed graham crackers.

and i'd be all but lying if that was not probably the best tasting cheesecake i have ever had. like, i'm the queen of this cheesecake. the master.

i da man. who da man? yes, yes i da man.

(excuse me, i have to get my kanye-sized ego head a little release).

Monday, November 16, 2009

under attack.

today we're venturing to the depths of the untouched lands, where wild babies roam.

ah, here's one now.

we should be safe unless we get in his line of vision.

oh crap. be very still. they're known to charge in an instant.

oh my god! run!

save yourselves...i'm a goner.


on saturday, jonas, his grammie, and i ventured out into the world of target and wal-mart.

in his diaper bag, i'm ALWAYS prepared with wipes and diapers and butt creams and WHAT IF HE NEEDS MEDICINE!? so basically, i always carry everything so when something pops up, i'm covered. except for burp clothes. i never grab those. but...oh well.

ANYWAY. so like i said, we were just minding our own business in the middle of the baby section of target (aka mecca for pregnant chicks)and my nose starts to twitch. the baby that i was holding was emiting a smell that i wouldn't force on my worst enemy.

so i did what any good mother would do, and handed him off to my mom. i finished my shopping in that aisle, and looked over to see her almost tearing up because of the odor. she silently screamed "DIAPER CHANGE NOW!". i pilfered through his bag, grabbing a diaper and the wip--wait. the wipes. were not in the bag. where the hell are my wipes?

panic set in. and people, you're probably thinking, "it's just a little poop." no. NO IT'S NOT JUST A LITTLE POOP. WE ARE TALKING HIGH TERRORISM ALERT, THIS IS A RED PEOPLE. A RED ALERT.

i chucked the kid back to mom, grabbed some wipes from the shelf, and ran to the front of the store to check out. then she tossed him back to me, and i beelined our butts to the family bathroom. because really, it may be illegal to expose others to that sort of toxin.

i laid him on the changing table, took a deep breath, and opened his diaper.

only, there was nothing there. NOTHING. shocked, i changed his diaper, and loaded him back into the shopping cart.

we continued our errands, next landing at wal-mart. while holding jonas in the baby clothes, my nose wasn't twitching...but it was burning. and i could feel my tasty lunch lurching higher and higher and HIGHER. mom grabbed the kid as i walked a few feet away, doubled over and dry-heaving. i really thougth i was just going to puke everywhere, but luckily was spared. we loaded him BACK into the car, just knowing that we'd have a mess on our hands when we got back to my parents' house.

and yet, there was nothing.

at this point, i'm becoming terrified. because there was NO way that all that stench would just let me off the hook. i knew that there was going to be a diaster coming soon, and when i least expected it.

the rest of the evening was oddly calm. not until i unloaded him from our car did i look down to see poop. all. over. my. shirt. and one toothy little grin.


Monday, November 9, 2009


for the past few months, i have felt so lonely.
i don't know. i don't get it, either.

even when i'm in a room with dozens of other people, i find myself sitting alone. well, actually, sitting with jonas. but he just laughs at me when i talk. places where you normally would never think about being lonely...and there i am, freaking out silently in my head.

the next portion is said not to offend, hurt, or whatever to anyone. i just need. it. out. of. me.

i don't understand why i feel so alienated. like, a bit over a month ago we had this potluck at church. and just about everyone was there. everyone went in line to grab their food, i ended up being at the end. when i went to look for a seat, what was once a big circle was now broken up into a small circle and other chairs just discarded in some sort of lumpy disorder. and because i didn't fit into any of the groups (both literally and figuratively), because i felt like i didn't have a friend there at all, i sat alone. well, with jonas. balancing a paper plate of salad and a roll on my knees. it was so awkward, you know?

it was so lonely.

it's part of the reason why i stopped going to women's group last year (well, on top of the INSANE drama, being pregnant and sleepy, and not being able to see well at night). and it'll be the reason that i probably won't go to women's group this year...even though i lie to myself and say i'll atleast try.

and really, it's just my own fault. i'm not the person who has to talk and talk. i'm not the person who dominates you. i'm not the person is out-going. i'm just not.

so i sit. on the fringe. terrified, awkward, and thankful i atleast have a baby to distract me.


it's not just a church thing.

it's more of a "i feel so uncomfortable" thing, and that was the most blaring example in my mind. you know?

it's like i'm running and running and running so hard, only to realize that i'm on a treadmill and going no where. it's a "i can't breathe" sort of thing. it's a "pretty sure that everyone knows my personal business" sort of thing. it's a "i'm positive that people talk crap about me" sort of thing.

you know. the usual.


recently i have realized that i have to watch what i say and to whom. i feel like i have to be careful of my words, of expressing my feelings because you never know who the person you trusted will tell.

it is so lonely.


this isn't meant to be a "woe is me" post. this isn't directed at anyone (and good grief, it sucks having to put a disclaimer on your shit).

it's just so lonely, you know?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

264,960 minutes in heaven


you are six months old today. or, you know...264,960 minutes and counting. or 185 days. or something like that.

not that i'm counting or anything.

unless another one shoots from your gums in the next few seconds, you currently have FOUR dazzling (and omg, seriously, little razorsharp) teeth. you have brought me to tears a few times simply by taking a quick chomp as my finger went by your face.

i think my favorite (or, maybe one of my favorite) things that is just a "mommy and monster" time thing is our mornings. every morning, i hear you cooing and laughing, and talking to your blankie and the dots that are on your bedding. and every morning, i sneak into your room and say "jooooo-nas. good morrrrrning!"

and you turn to look at me, collapse from your hands and knees pose onto your belly, and kick your legs and wave your arms SO fast, squeeling. and then i scoop you up, change your rank (and do i mean RANK) diaper, and we go sit in the big green chair, smothered in blankets, and drink a bottle while we watch the today show. you'll finish your bottle, and then just sit there, clutching the edge of the blanket, completely soaking up what matt and meredith have to say.

you love to eat, and you love to eat when we do. sweet potatoes, bananas, pears, applesauce, peas, green beans, lima beans, mango, oatmeal...and you had turkey for the first time today. you live for food. which is pretty evident in your incredible rolls on your thighs. people ask me what happened to my skinny baby, and I just have to say two words: sweet potatoes.

you are all about sitting unsupported and getting on all fours. you "swim", kick your legs, and wiggle with the best of them. you love grabbing puppies when they least expect it, and clutching your bottle as if it were your source of oxygen.

you amaze us daily. you are more and more fun for your daddy, and that makes me so happy. it's so much fun to see your personality come out more each day...and I'm not sure if the world is ready for how dynamic you are.

we love you. wholey and completely.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

honest scrap

the lovely ness has included me in a sort of honest blog thing. i think.


because being so appointed, i must now list ten honest things about myself:

1. i started coloring my hair when i was 13 years old, and with the past almost year, haven't had color on it at all. i'm finally able to see what my true hair color is...and it happens to be a lovely combination shade of stagnant water mixed with a dash of ear wax.

2. if i enter some sort of creative content contest...i usually atleast end up being a semi-finalist. i don't get it either.

3. on saturday, i turned 25. on monday, i started having pains in my left hand. i may have googled "signs of osteoporsis".

4. i always have these BRILLIANT ideas. and then i get started on them. and then i get bored. so wind up having about 147 half-assed ideas crammed into closets and under the couch.

5. since birthin' a child, i have never realized that i'm able to juggle so many different things. sure, some plates get broken in the process, but it's sort of neat seeing them all spinning for one fleeting second.

6. i can't do a cartwheel. i blame it on my thighs.

7. i sort of talk fast. sometimes i talk so fast that even i have no clue what i just said.

8. i'm the person who laughs when people fall down. i'm a bad, bad person. i know.

9. i have this thing about getting my face wet. so i don't really, um, wash my face. i'm gross. i know. but hey, no acne!

10. i cannot remember the last time i shaved my legs. ugh.

the rest of the rules....
1. Must thank the person who gave you the award and list their blog and link it. (thanks, ness!!)
2. share 10 honest things about yourself...
3. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4. Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

and for the blogs...

1. silvy has a seriously cute kiddo that's just a month older than jonas. i love reading her blogs so i know what i'm about to get myself into.

2. stephanie is a newly wed, and frankly, i do love me some weddings and love stories. damn ovaries.

3. leslye is possibly one of the most creative people i have ever (briefly) met. and talented. at everything. while i just sit there, clapping to myself because i figured out how to turn the DVR on.

4. alli i think found my blog through the sling and swaddle journey i was able to take part in, and has probably the prettiest babies out there. her sweet evie and jonas are almost birthday buddies!

5. john is my hilarious husband who never freaking updates his blog. but you should really harass him and force him to. he's a funny man.

6. jamie and sarah are newlyweds who are just awesome people. and yet, they also majorily suck at updating their blog. be mean to them. make them update.

7. these ladies...want snark? want warmth and generousity? want laughs? read it.

Monday, November 2, 2009


i spent my twenty-fifth birthday escorting a ghost buster husband and a gnome to visit some friends and family. while the ghostbuster was too fast to capture on film, luckily the gnome can't walk.

(psst. your belt fell down.)

ah. much better.

hope everyone had a happy halloween, from our gnome to yours!

Friday, October 30, 2009


last night i had a nightmare.

i was playing with jonas, and he stuck one of my fingers into his mouth. but instead of feeling the 3 sharp baby teeth (THREE. TEETH. IN MY CHILD'S HEAD. ALMOST FOUR. OMG.) that should be there, i felt many, many teeth. like, 12.

i had never realized they had come in, i felt like this horrible mother who doesn't notice that her child went from THREE to TWELVE teeth seemingly overnight. and hadn't even BRUSHED them yet.

it was scary. i'm not sure why it was so nerve-wrecking, but i woke up with a start, breathing hard.

freakin' teeth.

bite your head off.

i think that my boys have some sort of weird fascination with biting the ones they love head's. or something. it's probably genetic, just like the way they both make the exact same face when they open their mouths SUPER wide.

Monday, October 26, 2009


it was determinded this weekend that jonas is going to be a lumberjack when he grows up.

this is a photo of jonas watching his daddy carrying an axe.

and this is a photo of jonas watching his daddy chop wood with said axe.

jonas would watch john walk around with the axe, and the second john started hacking at an old log, jonas starting cracking up. and each time that the axe came down, the laughter got louder and louder.

so yes, jonas is going to be a lumberjack when he grows up. or an axe murderer. but hopefully the former.

i wanna be in the show, ricky.

we spent this weekend with our amazing friends at the lake in checotah, oklahoma. and being that we spent three days there, sooner or later i was going to need to take a shower.

so saturday morning, tired of smelling like baby goo and smoke, i decided that all i needed was a long, hot shower to make the world okay again. so i enter the bathroom, undress, and then realize i have no freaking idea how to work this shower.

not a problem. i'm an intelligent person. i've got this.

i finally figure out that you have to turn the water on first, then pull really hard on this little tab-like thing...and then the actual shower part works. only, it's not a gentle cascade of water, it's a full-blown firehose stream of water shooting at your head.

again, not a problem. i'm an intelligent person. i've got this.

so, while naked in the shower, water coming at my face 90 mph, i put my hand on the showerhead to try to adjust the water. only the options are apparently 90 mph directly at your head, 85 mph and on the ceiling, or 110 mph and taking out the left side of your body.

only, it took me about 6 attempts to finally figure out that there was no gentle cascade. and then i realized that this whole time, there was a 6 inch section of curtain that WAS NOT CLOSED. so after selecting the best choice (90 mph and directly at your head) and fully blasting any dirt particles off of me, i exited the shower to find that one entire side of the bathroom was completely soaked.

it was then that i realized what lucy must have felt like everyday. and i could have really used ethel to help clean that mess up.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


we're at the lake this weekend with our dearest, closest friends. it feels so good to be around them again. these are the people we consider aunts and uncles to our child, these are the people that we love.

it's just so easy.

isn't great to have those people? the ones who always have your back, never create drama in your life, people you can trust with your deepest thoughts without fear of being analyzed or criticsized.

I've just started stepping into some new relationships with others, who are people like this. Candice, for example, is someone i can feel comfort and love towards because she strives to be this incredibly beautiful soul. she's geniuine, lovely, and drama free. she gives her all with no expectationof a return, and listens to you without trying to fix you.

she is my sort of people.

it makes life so much nicer when you cut the fat, the superficial, the hurtful. by starting that process, I've learned so much.

sigh. my people.

Monday, October 19, 2009

isaiah fifty-three

Who would have believed what we heard? Who saw the Lord’s power in this?

He grew up like a small plant before the Lord, like a root growing in a dry land. He had no special beauty or form to make us notice him; there was nothing in his appearance to make us desire him. He was hated and rejected by people. He had much pain and suffering. People would not even look at him. He was hated, and we didn’t even notice him.

But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us. We saw his suffering and thought God was punishing him.

But he was wounded for the wrong we did; he was crushed for the evil we did. The punishment, which made us well, was given to him, and we are healed because of his wounds. We all have wandered away like sheep; each of us has gone his own way. But the Lord has put on him the punishment for all the evil we have done.

He was beaten down and punished, but he didn’t say a word. He was like a lamb being led to be killed. He was quiet, as a sheep is quiet while its wool is being cut; he never opened his mouth. Men took him away roughly and unfairly. He died without children to continue his family. He was put to death; he was punished for the sins of my people.
He was buried with wicked men, and he died with the rich.
He had done nothing wrong, and he had never lied.

But it was the Lord who decided to crush him and make him suffer.The Lord made his life a penalty offering, but he will still see his descendants and live a long life. He will complete the things the Lord wants him to do. “After his soul suffers many things, he will see life and be satisfied. My good servant will make many people right with God; he will carry away their sins. For this reason I will make him a great man among people,and he will share in all things with those who are strong.

He willingly gave his life and was treated like a criminal. But he carried away the sins of many people and asked forgiveness for those who sinned.”


1. the women's group for my church is starting back up for the fall. it's called "the monthly visit". which makes me love my church even more.

2. i'm proposing that a men's group should start, meet on saturday mornings, and be called "the morning risers".

3. i've been basically terrified to blog about anything because i don't want to offend anyone. i was told that in a personal blog, you should take into consideration the feelings of your readers. and then i thought about everything that was now off limits, because someone could possibly read it and get pissed off.

4. i've decided to say, SCREW YOU. if you take into consideration what everyone else may possibly feel/think, then you're going to be stuck writing about absolute crap (not that what i write isn't crap). because parenting, religion, politics, food (damn vegans ruin everything), beverages and dancing (freaking baptists), movies/photography (amish troublemakers) and just about everything else can PISS PEOPLE OFF.

5. if you took offense to that, well, you probably should have.

6. :)

7. i really am a nice person.

8. jonas is getting ready to bust out tooth number 2. YAY!

9. how 'bout them hogs? seriously. being a hog fan is just about as emotional, heart attack inducing, and exhausting thing on earth.

10. i love hot cocoa.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


after my brief life as a mute on wednesday, i woke up on friday feeling like a frieght train had run over me, backed up, and then did it again. i was oozing out of various orifices, coughing, holding my head as to keep my brain from leaving due to its throbbing pain.

i got the kiddo ready to go, and went off to work. and then i was promptly told to call a doctor, for i was sick.

i luckily just had the flu, but the doc told me that jonas needed to be as far away as possible until i was feeling better since he's still so young. so he had a rousing weekend at his grammy and gramps house. i ended up crashing there saturday night because my mom didn't want me to be alone while i was sick and john was at work.

i woke up sunday feeling like a new person. i think it helped that i slept all of friday and saturday, waking up for 30 minutes here and there.

and what did i find on sunday? one congested baby who was sporting a newly sprouted (and FREAKING RAZOR SHARP) toofer. i've never been happier that i weaned him when i did.

i then died a thousand deaths because he's getting so old.

ugh. motherhood.

Thursday, October 8, 2009



five. that's how many months you are. last week while at work, a patient asked me how old you were. i said only five weeks. and then i hit myself over the head because lawsie, you are so past five weeks it's not even funny.

you recently passed the 20 week mark. the last time you were 20 weeks, you looked like this:

and now, just past 20 weeks, who would have thought you'd look like this?

you're getting so very big. you can still wear some size one shoes, and for sure some size two. you're sittin' pretty in your size two diapers. you are officially an eating champ, and i plan on entering you in next years hot dog eat contest. you LOVE bananas and sweet potatoes, do well with avacado, pears, carrots, and mango, and give me the stink eye when i cheerfully show you the wonders of green beans. you only drink from a bottle now, and you FREAK OUT when there's any sort of bottle shape around you. because YOU NEEDED IT TEN MINUTES AGO, HELLO, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

you're a master creeper. wait, that came out wrong. you're a master at creeping. you can get yourself across a room in several minutes. which is honestly pretty impressive, if i do say so myself.

you've fallen head over heels with puppies, and no puppy is safe from your iron grasp. zeusy is trying to be tolerant, but seriously, he hates having to sit and let you squeal the highest pitch squeal this side of the mississippi while you LEAP for him.

your great grandparents are getting you a guitar for christmas, because you go nuts when you see one on tv. sadly, this means that you'll inherit MY musical talent (for i was the same way when i was just a babe...only with elvis). and my friend, i seemed to have missed the musical gene.

i'm really glad that we socialized you with others since day one. i like to think that it's help you adapt to being held by others, knowing that it's safe. i am dreading the whole "seperation anxiety" stage that's supposed to happen in the next few months, because you're heavy thankyouverymuch,sweetpotatoes and it's incredibly nice that you have lady friends at church who whisk up out of my arms the second we cross the threshold.

i always said that i'd be the mom who wouldn't think that their child was the center of the universe. and i have failed miserably. while you certainly have your flaws, my lord, you are cute. incredibly cute. and your hair? it makes me laugh. and your eyes? they make my heart melt. and your smile? that gummy, drooly smile? well, that just kills me.

jonas, i know that i say this every time, but we love you so much. you have changed our lives so much in such a short amount of time. sometimes there's frustration, other times there are tears. but underneath all of that is love, love, love.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009


it seems that during the night, ursula (that salty wench) stole my voice.

and now i sound like this:

sigh. such is my life.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

two-headed beast.

have you ever had a dream that was so vivid that when you weren't quite sure what was reality?

yeah, me too.

so a few nights ago, i was laying in bed with jonas, just playing and having fun. i decided to check my email via my iPhone, and saw that our preacherman had sent me an email titled "twins".

perplexed, i opened it, only to see TWO jonas's. picture after picture of TWO babies who looked like jonas, in coordinating outfits, flooded the screen on my phone. and slowly, i began to remember having a SECOND baby, jonas's twin. and for a while i couldn't remember his name, but it later came to me (ezekiel james) and then the memories of THIS child spewed into my mind.

but i was so wrapped up in jonas that i had completely neglected this other baby. a baby that had done nothing wrong, that looked just like the child i had in my arms. john then came into the room, i told him i just realized that we had twin boys, and he said that it rang a bell. so he grabbed jonas, went to the nursery, and got ezekiel, and we snuggled with him. because apparently we can only show love to one baby at a time?

when i woke up, i was shaken. and i was a little unsure about the whole situation. i mean, i didn't remember having a second baby (but clearly, i had also forgotten about him in my dream-reality).

so i might have spent a few minutes checking the house, just to make sure that there wasn't some poor baby ezekiel fending for himself while jonas got all of the love.

i clearly haven't slept lately.

Monday, October 5, 2009


thanks to heather for the tag!

seven things about me that most people don't know.

1. i am terrified of bugs, especially spiders. and yes, i know that spiders aren't bugs. get over it. which in itself isn't weird. i just can't kill them. and instead of killing them, i've been known to use a can of hairspray in attempt to freeze them in time. or something.

2. if i read it, i will remember it. if i see or hear a number, code, or something like that, i will remember it. if i had a class with you EVER, i will remember where you sat. i'm creepy. i know.

3. i cannot stand the sensation of tape getting stuck on my fingers. christmas time is like a tiptoe-ing through a minefield.

4. i love serial killers and cults. the more i can know about them, the happier i get. i'm creepy, i know.

5. i cannot cook from a recipe to save my life. but i do pretty well just winging it.

6. i met my husband while we both were working at the overly expense store, express. i knew instantly that he was the boy of my dreams. however, i think the only real conversations we had were about tattoos and the time i thought he was trying to do tricep pushups. he wasn't.

7. i sleep best with the tv and/or the lights on. i think it's because the dark scares me.

and i'm totally breaking the rules, but i don't feel like tagging anyone! so if you want to do it, knock yourself out :) and if not, that's cool too!

Friday, October 2, 2009


i've mentioned a few times before here, but i wish that people showed more gratitude to police officers.

can you tell i'm married to a cop?

simply put, the average person thinks crappy thoughts about police officers. they "hate the cops" because they got a ticket. they smart off to them. they flip them off. they call them pigs.

and the truth?

cops are underpaid. they work LONG hours. with little to no gratitude. they work crap hours. they miss holidays. they miss birthdays. they miss simple things like sleeping in the same bed as their spouse, eating meals with their family, and being able to worship their God at church.

last night, there was a shooting in our small city. our friend, one of john's very good friends, was shot at. it's an absolute miracle that neither of the officers involved were harmed in any way.

and the bad guy? he's dead.

so the next time you get pissed about that speeding ticket you got, think about that officer. think about his family. his wife. his kids. and think about the sacrifice that they are willing to make every. single. day. to protect YOU.

and after you think of that, turn to them, and say "thank you".

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

the power of poo

my child has never been shy about poop.

good morning to you, too.

i used to hear all the time about the "poop face". you know, the red cheeked, strained neck, little grunts that you'd witness when your child was needing to, well, poop.

and yet, jonas...not so much. i'm serious. he'll pass some incredible gas, look over his shoulder, look at me, and then giggle. which is more proof than any DNA test could provide that yes, he's john's child.

but the poop. the terrific poop. it's just getting out of hand.

you all probably remember "the great poop incident" that occurred earlier this year, where we were trapped in the backseat of a beetle, and barely made it out alive. it may have been recently surpassed by what is known simply as "exersaucer of doom".

on sunday afternoon, jonas was minding his own business, bouncing in his exersaucer with great glee. because he had just had lunch (sweet potatoes...yum!) he was only wearing a diaper and a great, toothless grin.

after a few minutes, however, my nose began to twitch. something, my friends, was not smelling so cute. looking at the only culprit in the room, i quickly realized that he had pooped. a lot.

he had pooped so much, in fact, that after retrieving him from the exersaucer (of doom) he had poop not only in his diaper, on his chest, up to his neck on his back, but also all the way to the bottom of his chubby little feet. he was a virtual pooey monster.

after gagging a few times (on both of our parts), he was cleansed, and the poopy exersaucer of doom was set aside.

oh, the horrors!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

our lullabye

jonas and i have a little routine...when he's really upset or struggling to go to sleep, i sing two different songs, back to back.




that is what i sound like today. RAHH. just imagine it as a fire-breathing dinosaur. why, might you ask am i this close to devouring a city of peasants?

this is why.

oh sure. he may look all cute and cuddly.

but it's all an evil ploy.

you see, he lures you in with these squishable cheeks, those big, big eyes, and that sweet little hair-do.

but then he is awake all night because his toofers are hurting him, squeels at an unbelieveable pitch, and then poops. out. of. his. diaper. up. to. his. neck...twice.

blegh. how can you be mad at that?


i added ads on the blog for sort of experimental reasons. trust me, i still loathe ads on blogs.

bear with me. google reader me if you need to :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

i spy with my little eye...

several weeks ago, jonas was with me at the office, waiting for his great grandparents to pick him up. one of my co-workers looked at him and said "he looks just like a little gnome!!"

and so it hit me...that's what jonas was going to be be for halloween. just watch this, and replace the name david with jonas.

i've already made his little red gnome hat (with big white beard!), his brown belt, and am going to dye a long-sleeve onesie blue.

cuteness overload, for sure!

Friday, September 18, 2009


i've briefly mentioned before my struggles with breastmilk production. i've never had an awesome supply, no matter what i did. i'd hear other moms complaining about their supply, about how they could only pump so many ounces in one sitting.

and i'd sit there, blank faced, just wishing that i was able to produce what they were.

as a new mom, you have times of feeling inadequate. and feeling that you are not able to provide the most basic of things, like breastmilk, to your child is absolutely crushing.

lately, it's only gotten worse. yes, he will eat "straight from the source" easily, but you can't gauge how much he eats. and pumping...i've begun to fear having to pump because it's just a slap in the face when you try so hard and get so little.

earlier this week (hell, all of the time) i got asked if i was breastfeeding by basically a stranger. when i replied that i was, i got amazing praise. i wonder what her reaction would have been if i had said no?

our once skinny little guy is for sure rapidly getting chubby, however. he's taken to eating like a big boy with great vigor. the other night, i sort of had a manic "must make baby food supply that will last forever" moment. and i stood there, crying over sweet potatoes, asking john to watch jonas for me so i could work. john did so with no issue, but asked me why i just didn't do it another day, another time.

i couldn't explain it, but i think it has to do with my ability to make breastmilk. i felt that if i was unable to provide that for him, i was going to be positive that i was able to provide nourishment for him SOMEHOW. and making all of this baby food (and people, there's a lot in there. sweet potatoes, pears, mangoes, bananas, avocados...) some how made me feel validated. made me feel like i wasn't inadequate afterall.

i think that i will still try to pump. i know that i will still nurse jonas whenever i can. i still want to feel that tummy to tummy contact, that warmth, that closeness that comes while we snuggle as he eats.

and i'm trying hard to be okay with bottles of formula being his mainstay.

Monday, September 14, 2009

growing up is hard to do

inspired by silvy, i've started loosely thinking about jonas's first birthday party.

i know. he's only four months old. but do you know the competition he's going to have to have a party? his birthday will be on a saturday, but we already know TWO other babies who are born the day before jonas was, and frankly, i'm afraid we will have to offer some pretty sweet gift bags to sway people to come to jonas's party. you know, sort of like the celebrity grab bags?

anyway, i am pretty sure that i'm wanting to do guessed it, MONSTER theme. i mean, he IS our little monster. and he's just so stinking cute.

i think that i can make this cake for everyone, and a smaller "smash" cake for him to go nuts with.

anyway, i think i'm going to start collecting "ideas" for the future birthday blowout (hopefully not pooey) 2010!

Friday, September 11, 2009


early that morning, our junior class had attended the college fair. row after row of college representatives from the surrounding area passed out free pens and t-shirts, trying to get new "recruits".

and so we went, table to table, and gathered all of the free stuff. i mean, i had no intention of attending the college of the ozarks, but hey, a free pencil sharpener never hurt anyone.

after our goodie bags were filled with loot, we all began to part ways, going to our next class. my boyfriend and i walked, hand in hand, plastic bags swaying with each step. he dropped me off at my class, stealing a quick, innocent kiss. and i walked inside, closing the door behind me.

i sat at my computer in my graphic design class, the only girl in the room. it was an ordinary day, creating pretend ads for a class project. one of the boys looked down at his hidden cell phone, and then quickly stood up, walking across the classroom. as he turned on the tv, he interrupted our teacher's reprimand by saying, "we have to watch."

and that's when we saw it.

one of the world trade center towers in NYC had been crashed into by a plane. how tragic! it was obvious that the plane could have no survivors. we commented back and forth of how strange it was that a plane would fly into one of the buildings--there must have been some sort of freak technical accident. the pilot must have had a heart attack. something like that.

while we looked at the screen, we watched the plane hit the tower. but this re-play looked different than the other ones. and then we realized that it was a second plane. hitting the other tower. and that this was no accident at all.

we watched in silence. we watched as the plumes of smoke stretched across the sky. we watched flames licking the sides of the buildings. and then we watched as each tower crumpled.

it was then that i realized we had all lost our innocence.

the rest of the day was a blur. we went to class after class, lugging around our now oddly heavy bags of college paraphernalia through the halls, with looks of worry and tears on our cheeks. by this time, we had all heard about the third plane hitting the pentagon.

the size of the classes got smaller and smaller through out the day, parents uncertain of what else would come. in some classes we sat and watched the tv in eerie quiet. in others, the tv was muted, and we talked about our feelings of confusion, despair, mourning.

it was then that i realized our lives would never be the same.

eight. eight years have passed since that time. you can ask any american, and they can tell you exactly where they were at, what they were doing, who they were with when they heard about the attacks.

i looked at jonas this morning, smooshed banana smeared across his cheeks, hands, and left eyebrow. and i thought about how different his childhood would be compared to mine. the extra security measures, the terror alerts, the fear.

eight. only eight years.

it seems like yesterday.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

four months


today you are four months old. and you are absolutely fabulous.

i mean it. your personality is coming through more and more each day, and you're very much the chuckler. you crack yourself up looking in the mirror, playing with your (borrowed) exersaucer, playing with your toys. you love to play "rocket ship" with your daddy. and you love doing things by yourself.

i don't know WHERE you got THAT stubborn streak.

nope, not a clue.

anyway, you are all about doing things yourself. like getting on your hands and knees. like grabbing the spoon away and putting it in your mouth. and so very much more.

like i've said earlier, we've been practicing sitting up. and i really think you're doing awesome! you can hold your own for a while before you topple, and i always catch you. well. almost always. there was that one time last sunday where you were sitting up for SO LONG and i started to praise you really heavily. you puffed your chest up with pride, slide a big smile across your face, and sat straight up! with perfect posture! all the way until you lost balance and went like a plank of wood straight back onto the blanket.

trying to use my best "oh yeah!! you fell down! and it's okay! seriously!!" voice that works pretty well with toddlers was quickly lost on you. you have some sort of delayed reaction when you are startled, because it was a full 10 seconds before this huge pouty lip stuck out, your eyes disappeared, and you started to cry (without making any noise).

drama queen.

and i don't know WHERE you got that trait either.

probably your father.

anyway, jonas, i wanted to let you know that you constantly amaze us. you're this fantastic little person...and we cannot wait to see who you become. because so far, my little monster, it's been an incredible journey.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

the monster eats.

at our 4 month well baby check, jonas was given the green light to start "solids". while i know that there's a lot of debate on when is best, we decided that the kid is hungry. and frankly, looking at his stats, he can gain a pound or two (at 4 months, 25 3/4 inches tall, 12lbs 11oz, and 15.5 head circumfrence).

so we prepared the first meal, realizing that he'd probably hate it forever, gnashing his gums, throwing rice cereal across the room, blinding me in the process. but it had to be done. the monster was hungry.

the first meal.

not so bad...


please sir, can i have some more?

and you know a meal goes well when you have to get a bath afterwards...

all in all, he did AMAZING. the spoon was no issue at all. actually, his biggest complaint is that i only give him a little bit during one "meal" as his tummy adjusts to all of the new things.

Friday, September 4, 2009

they say it's your birthday...

raise your hand if it's your daddy's birthday.

happy 25th birthday, johnny!

25? really? you're old. and smell like aspercreme and early bird buffets. i'm so glad that i'm so much younger than you.

Monday, August 31, 2009


can i just proclaim my love for google reader?


i've always had you, just never utilized you...until now. i love how crisp everything is, how it knocks out all ads (damn those distractions!), and how i can still read my favorite blogs all in one place.

i think i also love how no one profits from it...not dooce, not the pioneer woman, not perez. i mean, shoot. i love reading them, but do they really need 2 cents from me every time i come to their site?


so god bless the google reader. for it is so very, very good.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


it's been an emotional week.

strike that.

it's been an unbearably emotional week.

i've been pressed and pulled in more directions than i knew was possible. it's like i'm one of those stretch armstrong toys; i'm being pulled in different ways just to see how far i can go.

it's been unbearable.


it's been an emotional week.

strike that.

it's been an unbearably emotional week.

i've found myself relying on others to take some of my burden. i've clung to my faith with white knuckles. i've found myself lost in prayer, asking for wisdom, patience, understanding, and comfort.

it's been unbearable.

but it's the trials, the hiccups, the roadblocks, the days where the sun struggles to break free of the clouds that we find growth. it's then where we find happiness greater than we ever knew, just waiting on the other side.

i'm not to the other side. not yet. but daily i'm getting closer, with john by my side, hand in hand.

and that makes all the difference.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


we've been working with jonas on sitting up and crawling for a month or two now.

yeah, i know he's not even 4 months old yet. but he's so strong (and luckily on the skinny side, so he's able to support himself easier). so with the crawling, he can get his feet underneath him, legs straight, butt up high in the air. it's super cute. he also has been putting more weight on just his hands and knees lately...which is great! he hitches around, using arms and toes to move around the floor and crib.

with sitting, he's just started to be able to sit REALLY hunched over, unsupported. he can't sit that way for very long at all, but i'm still so proud. he tries SO hard!

i think that we may start doing a dash of rice cereal mixed in with breastmilk before bedtime. the past few nights he's started to wake up during the night HUNGRY. he's been able to sleep 8:30 to about 4am, eat, then back to sleep until 6 or so to eat again. but his "new" schedule is sleeping at 8:30p, up at 2a, up at 4, and up at 5:45am. which is not working to make a happy momma, seeing that the past few weeks i've been the one pulling solo baby shifts (since john has been getting up at 4:45am for work). and i'll be going solo AGAIN for the next 8 weeks, once john starts working overnight.


anyway, we go in thursday for his 4 month wellbaby check, and i can't wait! i can't wait to see how big he's getting, making sure he's where he's supposed to be in regards to milestones and growth charts.


besides that, that's all i can currently (comfortably) share. there's a lot brewing, but nothing that can be disclosed as of yet. maybe eventually!

Monday, August 24, 2009


i work in a prosthodontics office...which is a VERY specialized form of dentistry. we specialize in prosthesis, restoration, tmj, and dental implants.

that said, the average age of our patients is around, oh, 65-70 years old.

when being a new mama, dealing with people of that age day in and day out, well, it can be trying. i get double the parenting advice i would normally receive in other lines of work (not to mention the amount of "advice" i got while pregnant).

last week, one of my absolute favorite patients asked me who watched jonas while i was at work. it's not an uncommon question, so i thought nothing of it. i let her know that during the work week, i take one day off, john watches him 1-2 days, and my grandma watches him the remaining days. and then she said it.

"oh, that's nice. but aren't you afraid he wont know who you are?"

and then she gathered her things and left.

and then i went to the bathroom and cried. and cried. and when i didn't think i could cry anymore, i went back to work. my cheeks still wet with tears. it wasn't until tonight that i told john what she had said and how badly it had wounded me.

he reassured me to not listen to her, that i spend more time with jonas than anyone else. that jonas loves me. that jonas knows me.

of course i knew this already. i really did. it's just crazy to think about how focused you can be, thinking you are doing the best job possible at being a mom and how one remark can make you question everything.

i'm proud that i work full-time (well, 32 hours a week). i'm proud that i make pretty decent money. i'm proud that i work hard.

i'm not super mom by any means. but i try my best every day...and that's all i can hope for.

Friday, August 21, 2009

to john


i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i will follow you, where ever you choose to go.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i trust you, have faith in you, believe in you.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i admire you, respect you, cherish you.

i want you to know that i love you.

i want you to know that i can't wait to be like this with you:

i want you to know that i love you.


Monday, August 17, 2009


if it's a warm day and we're together, don't be alarmed if you suddenly get a craving for pancakes. and there's no need to look around to see if we happened to be teleported to a local ihop. no my's just me.

you see, i've never really had the greatest of milk supplies. sure, i yield sufficient amounts of breastmilk for jonas, but i am growing tired of having to supplement him with formula when i'm not around. i want him to have breastmilk (alone) as much as possible...because it really is best for the monster. so i grew a wild hair and decided to try out fenugreek.

the wonderful thing about fenugreek, for all of you who haven't tried it, is that a side effect you CANNOT avoid is the scent of maple syrup that appears in your pee and sweat.

so like i said, if it's a warm day and you find yourself craving pancakes (and you aren't pregnant) then chances are you're standing a little downwind from me.

you're welcome.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

because explanation is needed...

I am an expert in the art of self-deprecation. And blogs are usually focused in one central theme. The theme of this blog is me, myself, and I. Well, that along with some husband and monster baby.

That being said, you can be pretty positive that anything you see on this blog is centered guessed it! Me! Not just because I'm the center of the universe, but also because my life is what I know. I don't write about your life because I probably don't know you well enough to do more than say "she has a face. And TWO eyes. And skin!" And if I was writing about you, I'd add one of those nifty hyperlinks. Because honestly, I just learned how to do them successfully and now i can't stop.

So take what is written here with a grain of salt, realize it's just words on teh internetz, and it's unashamedly about me. And bodily functions. Most of which are my own.


i think people like dooce have really made all other mom's (or people) who blog think that they're the next rising star in the blogosphere.

i'm not going to lie, it makes me happy to see new followers, comments from strangers, bigger blog stats each day. it really does. and it's not like i'm even a good writer. i are from arkansas n spellin n stuff like that is hard.

but seriously. i write like stinky, stinky poo, but think that i'm entitled to this huge readership and an invite to the blogHer conference and endorsement deals and pretty soon i'll be trying to get on the today show. because people who write one huge sentence like that last one DESERVVVVVVVE it.

maybe it'd help if i had ads on my blog. i have friends who have it on their blogs, and it's their choice to do so. personally, i'm too anal about making sure that my layout is crisp looking, and ads distract me and annoy me a little. plus, the google ads? ugh. i enjoy how they try to pick-up on your blog , but damnit if you don't blog about a great new recipe for bread when you suddenly have ads for vagisil up and down your blog. and while knowing my options on anti-yeast infection meds is important, so is being able to read a blog without gagging on the content of the ads.

because reading what i write should induce vomitting on its own.

sigh. i need some doritos.

Monday, August 10, 2009


sweet baby jesus in a tuxedo shirt, have you people looked at the sky? it's not unlike the smackdown between hollywood hulk hogan and nature boy--awe inspiring.

and yes, i just used a 1980s wrestling reference to describe the weather. because i'm just that amazing.

anyway, last night we were able to venture out to the brand spanking new home of the stallings. while there, we watched "wall-e", and jonas freaking loved it. i'm serious. that kid sat in our laps and watched the majority of the movie, completely engrossed with the plot.

okay, maybe not the plot itself, but he sure liked all the crazy contrast, colors, and motion.

he's been living up to his name lately, becoming more and more cranky. he's SUPER happy when he's eating and right after he wakes up...he's content to play for a while, but besides that, he's SUPER cranky. i'm sure compared to some babies he's still considered human, but man. it's getting out of control. and the drool. what we once thought was a waterfall is now thought of as a trickle. we NOW know what a waterfall of drool is like, and it's contstant. and icky. and...drooly.

the past few nights i've been swaddlin' him up to teach him how to sleep on his back. because, you know, he rolls over. and he FLINGS himself around his crib anyway, so he might as well not freak out when he finds himself belly up. he can for sure roll from belly to back, and we're working on back to belly (he's soooo close). he's been doing this "hitching" thing (that's what i think it's called, anyway) where he scoots himself across the floor or turns himself around using fingers, toes, and pure determination.


Friday, August 7, 2009


you know you've arrived when someone finds your blog searching for "foreskin" and "shaved booty".

i'm surprised blogHer isn't knocking down my door this instant.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


i'm just going to be completely honest. when i get online, wanting nothing more than to read some of my favorite blogs and they haven't updated in a few days...well, it's not pretty. there's clothes ripping, gnashing of the teeth, and scraping my skin with rocks, asking "WHY GOD!? WHY?!"

and then i go back to my own blog and realize that it's been a week (or, you know, 5) since i've written anything. it's not like i have a ton of readers (hi mom!), but it's odd how you can quickly feel like you owe the 7 people in the world who read your blog some material.

so, you're welcome.

i wish i had an excuse for neglecting my know, like that i was contacted to be a professional mommy blogger and can't write until the contract is done, i was running for senate, finding a cure for the hangnail.

but alas. i have nothing. i'm a poor, poor example of a blogger. and for that, i will forever apologize.


yesterday my dad asked me if i thought that being a parent was what i had envisioned it to be. and to be honest, i'm constantly torn between being completely surprised that we're all still alive and thinking it's a cake walk. you know what i mean, right?

there are days where i am completely defeated. the monster cries, i can't stand to change one more diaper, and it seems like every article of clothing i own is covered in vomit, poo, or pee.

and then there is every other day. the days where i feel like i'm actually sort of winning at this mom-thing. the days where jonas's face lights up when he sees me. the days where i watch jonas and john talk to each other. when zeusy licks jonas's foot and he smiles. the nights where he sleeps through the night, when he nuzzles up against me, when he's so intrigued with his toys.

those are the days, my friends, where i feel like charlie bucket, shouting "i've got the golden ticket!" while running and dancing in the streets of london.


jonas is quickly growing up and out of what john considers "acceptable baby clothes". he's in that weird awkward stage where things are either a great length and horribly baggy, or fit around the body perfectly, but there's a permanent wedgie up my son's butt.

he's almost 3 months old (on the eighth, actually), and is one day closer to being 13 weeks old. i catch myself every friday lost in this cloud that X amount of weeks ago i was in labor. that i was busy bringing life in this world. and then i harvest my corn on facebook's 'farmtown'.


on the marriage's going so very well. it's not like i've thought our marriage was ever in trouble, but like any relationship, there's going to be tense times (especially in that first year of marriage). but lately...lately i've never felt more honored than to be married to john. i've felt more confident in myself and where we are going in life. and i think it's partially because i've tried so hard lately to become more submissive to john.

it's not like he's the master of this house. it's not like he bosses me around. but for me it means that he is the head of our family, and i have faith that he will make the decisions that will make us thrive. it means that i am respecting him with all that i am, and in turn, his love and affection has increased even more than before. and in turn, i'm able to respect him more, which brings more love.

it's like a giant squishy circle of love and respect.


i think that's all i have right know, until i do the whole "show us your life" thing later tonight.

Friday, July 31, 2009


to the subway employee who made my sandwich today:

as if i didn't love you enough already for making my veggie flatbread so deliciously perfect, i would have for sure kissed you smack dab on the lips if for saying that i had lost my baby weight so quickly and that i looked amazing. if it hadn't had been for that sneezeguard barricade, i would have.

i know that you were just being nice, and of course the best way to make a new momma feel better is to tell them how awesome they look.

on the other hand, my ass looks AMAZING in these jeans.


to the makers of the evenflo manual breastpump:

so i bought this yesterday for our trip to okc this weekend. we just live far enough that a feeding will have to happen while we're on the road, and i am not prepared to straddle the carseat in order to climb to the back seat and illegally feed my child from the ta-ta.

i gave it a test-run last night, and SWEET LORD ALMIGHTY i had a hand cramp to end all hand cramps. seriously. my hands stiiiiiiiiiiiiiill hurt today, and it's been like 17 hours since i tried it. on the plus side, my hands are now nice and toned.


we're going to OKC!! once i get off work!! for the weekend!!

i'm just a little bit excited, and i really hope that jonas is charming and cute and all that stuff so that we can get some potential and willing baby-sitters out of this jig. i mean, we ARE going to force our child upon them at some point, but hopefully this way they'll actually want to.

jonas can just about fit into his chucks, which makes my heart mmmmmmmelt into a big gooey mom puddle.

we're going to be those people that i always gave dirty looks to, and bring our now infant (hell yeah, we're not a newborn anymore) to the movies. when asked what i would do if he started crying, i simply replied "this is why i have nipples". which really would work for soothing jonas or john.

so hopefully there will be some pictures to post this weekend of the monster and his aunts and uncles (and cousin sampson).

Thursday, July 30, 2009

show us your life...

i've been reading kelly's blog since january when her baby girl was born with some issues. she's a local mom, and is known as one of the power mommy bloggers.

lately she's been doing a "show us your life" series, where you have the chance to show everyone a little sliver of your life. i planned on doing it last week with the wedding dress one, but realized i missed it when i saw it on silvy's blog several days ago :(. so now i'm joining in! so here are my wedding party, flowers, and dress!

we got married on june 28, 2008 at chapel on the creeks in rogers, arkansas.

i really love bright colors, and modeled the "scheme" after the dr. suess book, "oh, the places you'll go". i think that it turned out fun, whimsical, and unique.

john and i aren't traditional people. and we kept true to form by having music that we actually liked rather than the standard wedding music play. before the wedding started, there was just a mix of fun love songs playing. we had our parents and grandparents walk down the aisle to "going to the chapel", and then the boys entered to "500 miles" (don't act like you don't know what song i'm talking about...and i would walk 500 miles, and i would walk 500 more) was between that and the theme song to sanford & son.

i wish i was kidding.

the girls and i walked down to the song "the way i am" by ingrid michealson, which is one of my favorite love songs ever. "all you need is love" was our recessional.

the flowers were all silk, and i couldn't have been happier with that choice. i was able to get exactly what i wanted (and my mom made all of the bouquets). i decided that i didn't want to decorate inside the chapel at all; the busy and blod colors just radiated off the white walls and stain-glass windows.

my bridesmaids were staci (a friend of several years i had met at work), carole (one of john's best friend's then-fiancee), whitney (john's sister), and maggie (my ultra cute flowergirl i was a nanny for). john had a chris (a childhood friend), and zach and jamie (best friends from college).

my wedding dress was simple. it was strapless ivory satin with no beading or train, and i added a ribbon around the waist. i made my birdcage veil and found my earrings in a local boutique. i love the dresses the girls' wore...i wanted something fun and flirty that they'd might wear again as a great cocktail dress.

it was all i could have asked for and more. we got married in the perfect venue with friends surrounding us. our photographer (philip thomas of novo studios) was incredible and gave us one helluva deal. if i had to do it all over again, there's nothing i'd change.