Friday, September 26, 2008

gracious

I lost my job today. My boss called me and told me that they're enrolling their daughter into pre-school, and that they couldn't afford me anymore just to watch one baby. She told me she would help me find another job. And all I could do was cry.

And cry. And cry. I explained that I couldn't work at the shelter full time because it scared me to do so while pregnant. And now, while things are tight with us both working, things were going to be impossible while not working.

And I cried some more. I had to leave because I was afraid I was going to throw up in their office lobby. I drove and drove; I cried and cried.


Around 445, my boss called me. She said that there was a position as the front desk person a their office, and it paid 15 dollars an hour, full time.

God is good and gracious to a sinner like me. I felt like I was the biggest failure, the biggest hardship on my husband. And hours later, I find out that I'm getting a new job with better pay, that's 10 minutes closet to my house, and I get to wear scrubs. I can't apply for wic anymore, but am excited about being able to help my family.

Plus, I'll make more than john. And damn, that feels good :)

Monday, September 22, 2008

on being the host for the cutest parasite ever

I never realized how glamorous the life of a pregnant woman was until now. sore boobs, achy body, extreme and constant fatigue, dry heaving in my car, puking in my church's toliets (an experience I'd wish on no one), the sexy gassiness, and already showing at 7 weeks...

yeah, this is cool.

But honestly, I can't wait until I'm huge and waddling and the desire to puke everywhere subsides. :)

Saturday, September 20, 2008

shocker

about 3-4 weeks ago, I just felt off. I felt just generally sick and like a giant pile of crap that couldn't get enough sleep. and that ended up being because I suck at math, resulting in the spawn of a little john and wendy.

yeah, we didn't see that one coming.

after the initial terror wore off, we are getting more excited each day. we go in for our first real appointment on Thursday.

it definitely has thrown a wrench in dome plans that I had for the next several months...losing 40lbs will be tough (ha ha.), and I'm going to look swell when I'm almost 6 months pregnant at Zach an caroles wedding. Green is slimming, right? And the looks of sadness john shot me last high when he read out all of the fun things we couldn't do while on our cruise in the next few weeks killed me.

but we are excited. and I'm sick. and I sleep about 14 hours a day. and work 2 jobs.

new family! I hope their toots don't smell as bad as johns. Yikes.

Friday, September 19, 2008

thoughts

listening to a two year old belt out Disney songs makes any bad day go away.

I can make BBQ chicken, and it doesn't stink.

I don't work this weekend. And I'm so freaking excited!

I get to go to church sunday, but have to sit by myself because john is working. Why is it that I can eat mlby myself in resturants, watch movies alone In a theater but can't go to church alone?

I have eaten way too much grapefruit.

I haven't gained any weight that I had lost. Unfortuantely, now I'm just praying that I'm super bloated and that it will end soon.

Zach and carole still live too far away. I miss them way too much. They're just, I don't know, so easy to be around. I feel like I can actually be me...and that it's okay.

John farted when I was asleep last night and apparenty the fumes made me convulse. No kidding.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

finally

john has finally completed field training...I could not be more proud of someone if I tried. He's worked so hard for so long to reach this goal, and starting Sunday, he will finally be out on his own. His schedule will stink for a few weeks, but I really don't care. Because in a few weeks we will be on a ship headed towards Mexico, and that's all my body needs right now. John and Mexico. And cheese dip.

sometimes

sometimes people need to be told that their humor doesn't translate. hell, sometimes you just need to be told you're a bitch.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than watch wedding crashers.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

on being married to a cop...

I don't think that most people can being to understand what it's like to be married to a cop. its hard. it's stressful. I'm not talking about the bad wrap cops get for infidelity. I'm talking about sheer time.

for the majority of you, you know you will spend all major holidays with your spouse. you'll eat dinner together. you'll sleep inthe same bed at night.

let's say john makes this his primary career, and works for 30 years as a cop. because of the rotation schedule, I will spend ten years not eating dinner with my husband. I'll spend a different 10 years not sleeping with him at night. holidays will be rescheduled, as well as vacations and birthday parties.

Most of you know without doubt that your spouse will be home at the end of their day. I'll spend over 62,000 hours wondering if my spouse is safe that hour. I'll worry about occupational hazards like blowing out a knee or being shot. I'll worry for the safety of my family when he isn't there because someone knows he's a cop. I'll worry about people being afraid of us because they saw his off-duty weapon. Or someone trying to grab it and use it against him.

so the next time you get pulled over, the next time you get pissed at a police officer...remember that they're just a person doing their job so they can go home to their family at the end of the day. and you know what, go ahead and give your spouse a hug...show them how much they mean to you.

marital confusion

for those who weren't aware (which should be all of you), john and I live next door to my cousin's father and step-mother. technically my uncle, I guess...but they divorced way before I was born.

anyway, they are our immediate neighbors.

today I got an email from my cousin saying that her stepmom hasn't seen me outside in a while. so she assumed that john and I split up, because she was used to seeing me.

after laughing pretty hard, I responded that it's true, I haven't really been outside in a while. but working two jobs, and then sleeping intensely when not working sort of does that to you.

to make my prescense known, I parked my car in the driveway tonight instead of the garage. you know, just to say I was outside.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

cup of crap

this morning, as I was driving to work, I was hit with an urgent need of hot chocolate from starbucks. I didn't care if I'd be late to work... I needed it. Bad.

So I go through the drive-thru, order, and wait in line to pick my cup of joy up. Except the man infront of me was a douche and four four four!!!! times returned his drink after sipping it because it wasn't perfect. Excuse me? Did he not see me, a woman in need of my love cup, behind him? Did he really need it to be perfectly at 140 degrees?

I despise you, man infront of me. Because of you, my instant gratification was delayed. Shame on.

life of a loner

I'm an only child. Which means that most likely, if I hang out with you for too long in one setting, I'll cry after it's done because it was too much (usually only happens on larger groups).

I'm never going to be the girl who hosts dinner parties for several guests, organizes large shindigs, or loves being in super crowded places. And that's okay. I'm not supposed to be. I'd much rather be alone than do any of that.

We can safely hang out with friends in small groups or I can go to bookclub...but embarking into other realms where I'm going to be judged merely because of what I look like, what I wear, what I say...no thank you, please. And on that note, I severely miss our amazing friends that live a state away. It incredible how much I miss them and wish that I could see them so much more often. Sadness.

I'm a relatively private person, which is why almost everything you'll read here is fluff. If I don't tell you myself or make it common knowledge, then I probably don't want you to know what's going on until then. Maybe that's rude of me, but I sort of don't care, you know? Airing out my dirty laundry isn't somethig I enjoy doing.

So what should be known about me:
I love my husband.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
And I love my privacy.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

delusional

I woke up at 525 today, and john wasn't in bed. I knew I had to get up to go to work...but I needed to find my husband first.

He wasn't in the shower orthe bathroom. He wasn't in the living room. Or the kitchen. And his car wasn't in the driveway.

And that's when I started to panic.

I ran back to the room to check my phone for missed calls...he was supposed to be home at ten and I had flashes of him being seriously injured or dead and I got so sad. And then I glanced around to the window, because in movies when you find out something horrible, usually there's a montage of sad people looking out windows.

It was then I realized how sunny it was for 530am. Too sunny, actually. Like it might not be 530am after all but rather 530pm. And then shame of my insanity creeper over me and I finished my nap.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

is this thing on?

The past few days the rain has been almost unbearable. Which means that everytime I drive, I've been facing hardcore weather.

So imagine my terror while I have been driving to hear a cricket inside my car. Yes. A cricket. For the past twodays I've dreaded having to get in my car because I hate bugs. Hate them. I've torn my car upside down looking for this stinking bug. But everytime I'm able to search it, the sound is gone. And the second I turn the car back on, he's back.

Now imagine my humiliation that it was not intact a cricket terrorizing me but my windshield wiper blades.

I'm going crazy.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

alphabet soup

I think that since I was just a wee wendy, I haven't been able to discern voices from real-life humans from those off television or movies.

When I was little, there was one day where I had been playing outside in such focus that I forgot about needing to use the bathroom. And then it hit me...with vigor. So I ran all the way home, threw open the front door, and sailed past my dad who was watching a movie in the living room.

He asked, 'Now where do you think you're going?' and I just yelled back,

I HAVE TO PEE! REAL BAD!

After finishing my business, I walked back calmly through the house (well, as calm as a five year old can) and my dad asked me why I screamed that I had to pee. Telling it was because he asked me where I was going, he said,

'Wendy, that was John Wayne'.

This past week, I was home when a similar incident happened, and I yelled at john that I was just trying to pee and to leave me alone. And then I realized it was the tv and that john was at work.

I have yet been able to tell him this because he already thinks I'm nuts.