Monday, June 23, 2008

the week from hell.

i'm gettingn married on saturday. you read that right. saturday.

i'm behind on everything i need to do. and john's grandpa died yesterday. in amarillo. which means we are driving the next few days back and forth from amarillo.

holy guacamole.

i rescheduled everything that i was supposed to be doing on wednesday for the other days around it...

i'm going crazy.

but ooo!! i booked our honeymoon room :)

Friday, June 20, 2008


since no one reads this anyway, i've decided to hit up one of my favorite topics. please note, that was said aloud with complete sarcasm.

porn. everyone has a different opinion on it, and here is mine:

i believe with my heart of hearts that the intake, use, and desire for porn is a disgusting and vile thing. i believe that if you are in a relationship with someone, that is a DIRECT slap in their face, and is also CHEATING. it's nothing less than that.

maybe i'm a little extreme in my views on it. maybe its because i'm a twenty-something year old woman who is uncomfortable in my own skin. maybe its because i'm screwed up in my head. but...i don't think so.

porn is one of the ultimate forms of lust. and lust is cheating in my book, as well. and just to add, it breaks my heart. completely.

actually, porn is my deal breaker in relationships. what was in the past before me, i can deal with. but what's forced infront of me...sorry kids, no dice.

Monday, June 2, 2008

different paths

there are a few things that i've felt guilty about for the past few months. things that i thought were my fault. things i wanted to "blame" on others. i've come to the resolution that people change.

genius, huh?

but seriously. people change. others wish that you'd stay the same throughout the span of your relationship, and that just can't happen. people grow apart. huge milestones in life, like marriage, your first child, a new job, or moving to a different city...these things force change. it's just hard to want to accept that. or see it. it's much easier, in the short-run, to keep our blinders on and just march forward like we have every single day.

think of it this way. 2 horses are yoked together, each wearing blinders as to keep them going on the same path. day in and day out, year after year, they match the other's stride perfectly. one day, the blinders on one horse become loose and fall away. and suddenly, it begins to veer away from the other horse, seeing a new path it wants to walk. the team is broken up, and both are lost for a bit until they find a new way to go. it doesn't mean that they'll never be partners again. it just may take a little while to find each other.


on sunday, robb discussed legalism.

1. strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, esp. to the letter rather than the spirit.
a.the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.
b.the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws.
3.(initial capital letter) (in Chinese philosophy) the principles and practices of a school of political theorists advocating strict legal control over all activities, a system of rewards and punishments uniform for all classes, and an absolute monarchy

so basically, as we worked out of acts 15, he talked about how the "church" thought it was okay for gentiles to be part of the church, as long as they were circumsized. basically, as robb put it, "i love you, you're perfect, now change". you can be a part of our club (even though you were picked by God to be in it) as long as you lose the foreskin.
it's then reflected back into the Church today. from the dress codes, to how you wear your hair, to the type of Bible you carry...what does it matter? what's the worth of judging someone, being legalistic because they don't happen to follow what you deem as exactly appropiate.

i sort of looked at john out of the corner of my eye, knowing that not 20 minutes earlier, we had both made remarks about a girl's outfit sitting a few rows ahead of us. she was wearing a sort of evening dress...sort of. that exposed her tummy and back. which is perfect for prom, but in our eyes, didn't seem fit church. and then i looked around the room. our pastor was wearing a polo and shorts. john had a hole in his jeans and dirty chucks. the pocket of my dress was torn, and my legs were hairy. and don't even make me remember the day we went to a baseball game right after church, so we were wearing dirty t's and casual jeans and sneakers.
i guess it just made me many people do we shut out DAILY because we're being legalistic? because we have some set ideal of how everything should be...and in the end, it doesn't even matter.