Wednesday, December 31, 2008

memorable moments of 2008

in a loose chronological certain order, here's a list of some of the "highlights" of this past year:

john recovers from eye surgery
search for church and pastor to officiate wedding begins
is at this point hired by state police department, waiting for rogers

john is geared up to leave for 6 months to go to state police academy, but calls rogers one more time to tell them he has to know because he's leaving that weekend...and he's hired!
after looking on facebook at justin hart's wedding photos, realize that i KNOW robb, and contact justin for more information
attend vintage for first time, and we both fall in love

got to take part in zach and carole's engagement at the lake house
john is sworn in by rogers police department, high-fives mayor.

wedding feva'

we move into current house with jamie, our faithful roommate

had amazing bachelor/bachelorette parties thrown by amazing friends
got married at a beautiful chapel infront of those we love
played "bible trivia" for the next two days

adjustment to married life
faithful roommate jamie and lovely girlfriend sarah move to colorado

start weight lose regiment and lost 7 or 8 pounds quickly
went to a delayed (but amazing!!) engagement party for zach and carole
reading a positive pregnancy test
telling John that we really needed to go to walmart for more tests
taking the blood test to REALLY confirm pregnancy

told friends and family that SURPRISE! wendy can't count ovulation days.
john's turned 24
first real prenatal appointment

taking a honeymoon cruise...with john's parents. :)
i turn 24

thanksgiving yummy time

discover that our little monster is all boy
spent time with family and friends during christmas

i'm so thankful for the events of this year...there's been hard times and great times and times i'd rather forget (red velvet cake, anyone?). but i've been blessed (despite the red velvet cake).

happy new year to all of you!

queen-sized hell

something strange has happened since being pregnant. this little (hardy har har...who am i kidding, he's huge. can i get an epidural now?) baby has taken over the entire queen-sized bed.

frankly, this hasn't really affected zeus or myself much, but poor john. poor, poor john. he's done run out of space.

i truly do feel bad about this, and it's gotten increasingly worse since christmas day when i got THE PILLOW THAT SAVED MY LIFE. i never knew what sleep was until i used THE PILLOW. and now, there's no turning back. the PILLOW is very, very large...and i basically wrap it around my pathetic pregnant body until the pain stops throbbing everywhere and i unknowingly pass out, cold.

unfortunately for john, this means that jonas has decided to take the middle and diagonal portion of the bed. and since jonas has made that decision, i have to follow suit. we're sort of attached at the uterus at the moment. so this means that i have woken up to hands pressing against my face in a good-hearted attempt to push me back to sort of my side, just so my poor husband can breathe (and stay on the bed). don't worry...i gave him full permission to roll my increasingly rotund self to anywhere he needs me to be so that he can cling to what's left of the bed.

god bless the john. and the big tv. and salami.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


it's always great to visit family...but sometimes it feels even better to pull up in your driveway and unload the car. one thing I like about car trips is that you have way too much time to talk about things, anything.

so tonight I talked with john about some personal things that I had been struggling with for the past few months-things that can only be shared with a spouse because their the only one who really understands. I used to be the girl who couldn't talk about anything with anyone without having basically an anxiety attack beforehand. I'm proud that I'm able to approach things and discuss them with him when the time is right, when I'm ready, without much apprehension. he's helped me open my lines of communication by showing nothing but love and support...I'm grateful to him more than I think he knows.

I love you john. thank you.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


it's been a very busy few days-oh my gosh.

between three christmas's in two days (and we are leaving for our final one tonight), doctors appointments, food everywhere, rearranging the living room to fit the giant tv set, and just wanting to stop and breathe...I'm exhausted.

I've gained 4 pounds (so still -6 what I was before baby, and my waist (okay, belly) is growing leaps and bounds. I'm trying to get in the mindset that this is okay, that I'm supposed to get bigger, that it's okay if I "look fat". because it's a baby, and that's how it works. john does a good job making me feel pretty when it's a time when it's really easy not to; I'm lucky to have him as my partner in this.

jonas got so many goodies for Christmas already- a crib, changing table, wall decorations, bedding, and blankets. I'm just getting impatient because I want him so badly. it's great and all feeling him move, roll, and kick. I almost lost it when we saw him swallow on the ultrasound. I just want him. out of the belly and in my arms.

oh, and I love Alton Brown. always have, always will.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

the monster, revealed

on Tuesday night, around 10:30pm, we found out that our beautiful monster had a name.

jonas asher alexander.

we are so excited to meet him, getting know him, and love on him. it feels amazing to be able to finally call our monster by his name!

don't worry though-he will always be our monster...a nickname and term of endearment that I'm sure will always be just his.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


our monster really loves rap music and johns voice. because of this, I believe that john has a possibly extremely lucrative career in hip hop.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

no soup for you.

today at work, we had a Christmas lunch from Panera (various panini's and soups to choose from) and gifts given to us from the bosses. it was great to talk and have fun with my co-workers while sitting in the front room eating lunch.

after lunch, we had to hustle to get everything cleaned up because patients started to pour in. a new patient came and sat at the table to fill out some paperwork. she asked me if she was sitting in someone's spot because there were three unopened bowls of soup on the table. i apologized for the mess, and went to grab the bowls of soup and spoons.

i picked them up, and the phone started to ring. i put the soups on the front counter and ran around the side to grab the phone.

a mother of one of our problem patients, who frankly, i hate to say it, is complete white trash AND annoying, AND try to get as much free as they can CAME TO THE FRONT DESK AND STARTED TO PILFER THROUGH THE SOUP AND WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE TOLD ME SHE'D TAKE THE POTATO SOUP. i looked at her like, are you f'ing kidding me? and tossed her a spoon. i immediately took the other soup to the fridge for the girls who were saving them for later.

the woman took our freaking soup.

she's also the sort of person that will see you on the phone, and will TALK to you the entire time. because i'm usually in the front, i don't have any sort of escape route--i'm the barrier between the mother and everyone in the back. they don't want her back there because all she does is TALK TALK TALK and annoy everyone back there. so i have to guard the door.


i'm a wimp and hormonal

that's a line from an email i just sent lori, my boss.

and now for the backstory--

the beginning of last week, i was asked to push a pt who was scheduled for today to the pending appt page. lori told me that the case wasn't ready, and that she was going to do some investigating on it and then let me know what was up. i never heard anything back from lori, so i just assumed that she had taken care of everything.

well, i guess there had been some miscommunication. around 9:15 or so, our pt called to tell me that she was running late for her 10am appt...and i realized that she wasn't on the schedule. i told her to hold for just a moment, and waddled to the back to ask the girls what was going on. they told me that her case wouldn't be ready for another 3 to 4 weeks...and so i went back to apologize my pregnant receptionist butt off to the patient.

who didn't take it well. at all. and chewed me out for about, oh, 15 minutes atleast about how her husband died last year and she has all these animals to tend to, yada yada yada. i tried to find a time that would work to reschedule her, and made it for january 12th...4 weeks out. after hours, even, because she's a teacher in huntsville, so the drive is decent.

i got off the phone and re-confirmed that with the girls...and they said, oh. um. the 19th would be better.

and i just looked at them and said, "i can't call that woman again to push it back farther."

so i sent an email to lori, my boss, and in it, explained my confusion, and what had just gone down. and then i added that i was a wimp and hormonal, and cannot bring myself to have someone talk very harshly to me again when i know it's coming. i just can't do it.

please, let her call the patient. ahhhh.

Monday, December 22, 2008

uh oh.

this morning we had our ultrasound...and got to see our beautiful monster baby. the very first image we saw of the monster was a full on face-completely surreal.

i get a weekly email from a website called that tells me basically what's going on with the baby that week. part of the information that's included is the baby's approx. height and weight. on sunday it told me all about how the monster was about 10.5 oz, and around 10 inches long. imagine my surprise when the technician told me today that our baby weighed ONE POUND. ONE POUND. OMG OUR BABY IS GINORMOUS.

so, our due date got pushed up a little from may 10th to may 4th, which is FINE BY ME. seriously. A OKAY.

oh yeah, and i threw up DURING the ultrasound. just because i'm that classy.

but from what they say, the monster looks healthy, has all the important parts and they're working. we are opening the envelope wednesday morning to find out if it's a jonas or a loreli, and then telling our families the next day (and our friends!).

peace and love and baby parts,

Sunday, December 21, 2008


a couple of weeks ago, the monster baby decided that it needed some of grandmas leftover rolls. not just needed but NEEDED. I heated them up, but when I tried to eat one, I about broke my jaw. the rolls were all hard as rocks--beyond stale.

yesterday I was driving through rogers, and a church on the corner had changed their marquee. the new one said the bread of life never goes stale.

let me say that again...

the bread of life never goes stale.

I was immediately brought back to that day in the kitchen, where I was near tears (hey, I'm pregnant here) about stale rolls. it made me think-how often is what we bring to God not our best? how often do we let ourselves dry up, and leave Him nothing but stale crumbs. I'll speak for myself and just say right now that it happens way too often.

i dont want God to look into my heart and find nothing appealing there. I want my life to always be fresh and delightful for Him.

Friday, December 19, 2008


maybe it's because it's friday.
maybe it's because i'm getting CUTE new glasses.
maybe it's because i'm wearing maternity jeans, and am enjoying the comfort of not having a zipper or button on them.

maybe it's all of that and more that's making me get SO excited about this coming week starting, oh, now. in a little bit jasmine and the little man will be in fayetteville and we'll go do, i don't know..whatever. later tonight, i'm eating with the parents and looking at christmas lights. and even later, after john's home, we're probably going to a christmas party (if it's still going on that late).

saturday we're buying all our christmas gifts. and i think i'm doing another ride along.

sunday is church! and grandma's spaghetti. and nap time for wendy while john works.

monday is THE ultrasound where our little monster better end up being a SINGLET, or i may need to take stock in valium. then it's work, eh. buuuuuuuut at 10pm is john's shift party--at FASTLANES!!!

tuesday is

AND WEDNESDAY MORNING WE FIND OUT WHAT THE BABY IS!!! and then i get to get things ready for our parents for christmas when we tell them! and then while john works, i go with my parents for presents at grandpa's first, and then grandma's.

and thursday is CHRISTMAS!!!

friday i sleep.
saturday too. and maybe ride along.
sunday is church and sleeping.
and monday and tuesday we head to russellville.
wednesday i work (yup, new years eve).
and thursday i sleep.
friday i work again.


SO MUCH EXCITEMENT. and somewhere in there, i'm getting my damn fabulous glasses.

meet my new pretties.

my new glasses! because i'm blind! i don't get them until next week...but i love them.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


the title above is the trascription of my reaction when these came in the mail last week:

they're "nerdy baby abc flash cards". and they make me want to smoosh my face up and giggle with joy. all at the same time.

to make it even better, i'm framing these nerdy beautiful things for the baby's room in simple collage frames that match the color of the crib and changing table we have. and i'm getting the frames christmas eve!! so you know what i'll be doing all night christmas eve while john's protecting the world.

i think i'm set now. someone just needs to get me a breast pump and life is golden. any takers?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

adolf hitler turns three

sorry for the clusterblogging...but i just...oh my god.

this family in New Jersey has named their child Adolf Hitler Campbell. and are upset that a local grocery store refused to spell out the child's full name on a birthday cake. the same grocery store denied a similar request 2 years ago when the father also wanted a swastika put on the cake.

claiming that they aren't racist, but just of German blood way down the family line, they've also named their 2 year old daughter JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and their infant Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

so anyone griping about the baby names john and i could be worse. much worse.

shiny happy people

i overslept this morning.

i'm not talking like i overslept by 30 minutes or anything. i'm talking that i woke up 2 minutes after i was supposed to be at the office.

this is no bueno. luckily, i didn't get in trouble or anything, and they understood. i guess it helps that i usually get her 15 minutes early and stay 15 minutes late getting things prepped for the next day.

we did the wedding ring test today on one of the girls at work who is getting engaged within the next month or so. it didn't move. so to make sure that it was working, we did it to me...and worked. and then did it to another co-worker, and it showed both of her girls. amy got a little upset at first, but then said that she had always wanted to adopt several kids if she wasn't able to have any herself.

even though she tried to play it off, i still felt like a debbie downer.

another office got us a present for christmas (we get two or three gifts a day)...and it was the best gift eva. a keylime and white godiva chocolate liquer cheesecake with white godiva chocolate curls on top.

ignore the giant wendy face print in the center of the cake.

um, and john is pretty snazzy. i craved a side salad from mcdonalds with balsamic vinegarette dressing--mainly because i CRAVE vinegar and sour things still. we got home, and it was stinking italian dressing, and i didn't want to eat the salad anymore. i know. i'm a baby. but i'm not going to ingest calories if i don't like the taste of something, you know? so john made me salted, buttered popcorn. and my heart exploded for him.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

being pregnant is such a surreal experience. it's wonderful, uncomfortable, gross, and incredible all at the same time. feeling your child move inside of you, kick you, respond to is unbelievable. thinking about the possibilities for your unborn child, wondering about their future and who they will become boggles the mind.

and then I think about Mary. I can't help but feel a bond with this amazing woman...the only woman in the history and future of the world that God knew would be able to do it. I mean, this teenaged girl gave birth to Jesus. she kissed the face of God. she had to raise this boy to become a watch Him be spit on, mocked, beaten, crucified. God knew her strength, her faith, her heart. I can't imagine what my reaction will be the first time my baby, my love, has to feel pain. and yet, she was able to give her child up to carry the burden of the world.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

double shot

we have this new, nifty little coffee maker at work that we're are testing out. you open the lid, pop a single serving container of the beverage of your choice, and it brews it wonderfully hot into your cup. the coffee is all flavored, the coco is too...and it makes flavored teas as well.

it's tidy, easy, precise, and the complete anti-thesis of our "real" coffee maker.

with our "real" coffee maker, i'm in charge of making sure everything goes the right way. i change the filters, add the 1.5 packages of coffee grounds, clean the coffee pots, prepare the water for the next day, clean up everyone's coffee mess, and make sure it's constantly filled and piping hot.

it's messy, difficult (as coffee can be), and it can be hard to measure exactly how strong it should be.

while the quick and tidy machine won the hearts of many at first, in the end, i think we're giving it back. there's something just not right about it...and there's something so right about the messy process of the other that just is endearing.

i hope that's how Christ views us. i like to think that He enjoys the messy, difficult, unmeasurable people that we are because every day, every minute is different. i think He'd get bored if we were tidy, easy to deal with, and did everything perfectly. i'm glad that God loves me in my gritty texture, my bitter moments, when i'm too weak, when the balance is off. He's there to clean me up and make sure i'm fulfilled for the next day.

God is good.

my issues with tuesday nights.

i have an extreme love/hate relationship with tuesday nights.

the pros:

house!! we watch this show religiously.
the fringe!! i usually catch these.

the cons:

i usually fall asleep DURING the fringe. if i happen to make it through the whole episode, i will fall asleep by 9pm.

this is all great and dandy if i didn't wake up every wednesday morning at oh, about 4am ready to go. i don't quite understand why i have to fall asleep early on tuesdays, and why that makes me wake up 1-1.5 hours early every wednesday...but all i know is that i hate it. luckily for john, i atleast let him have the cuddle time that i've been neglecting him since pregnancy.

damn tuesday nights.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

another reason to love john

an email i got from him today while i am at work...

"I was watching Real Chance again, and I thought... They don't even need the testimonies. There were cameras everywhere. And the hit guy could just id him."

real chance being the "love" show on VH1, not unlike Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love New get the picture.

Monday, December 8, 2008

just call me officer pregnant chick

saturday night i got to experience my first ride-along with one officer j. alexander. and let me just tell you was the most thrilling 8 hours of my life!!!

while we didn't have any big calls, he let me help choose who to pull over, let me give my input on suspect behavior, and even offered to let me (YES ME!!!) turn on the lights and sirens. unfortunately, when the time actually came for me to do this, i got stage fright and didn't want to screw anything up.

i informed him that i had his back if he needed me to taser anyone or, you know, throw them aganist the hood and cuff 'em. he respectably declined my offer, muttering something about needing training. TRAINING, SCHMAINING...that's what i say to that.

but seriously, i had an amazing saturday...from him waking me up so he could make me breakfast, to sitting by the fire, to looking at cribs and changing tables, to fighting crime (taking out one scum-sucker after another).

thanks, john! you're the best friend a girl can have.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


it's the one time of year that I dread music at church. it's not because I hate it. it couldn't be further from it.

the music breaks me so, so much. I was okay today, and then I heard it...oh holy night. it's my favorite son of all time. and it's the leader in only a handful of songs that cause me not to cry, but to weep.

and it's always slightly embarrassing, and I wish I could explain what exactly it is that brings me to my knees. I guess the easiest way I can explain it is that I feel God in those minutes more than I do at any other time. and I'm just so overcome with gratitude, and beauty, and love, and fear that it's all I can do not to fall down to the ground and bow. so I stand there, voice cracking and smearing tears across my face.

the power of God is so awesome.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


life is so much more free when you realize that not everyone is going to like you.
life is so much more free when you realize that you don't have to force relationships that don't work.
life is so much more free when you realize that you don't have to like everyone.
life is so much more free when you realize the need to seperate yourself from those who harm you.
life is so much more free when you realize forgiveness.

it's important to forgive yourself, forgive others. it's crucial to forgive. but remember proverbs 26:11. it's okay to walk away.


please send out your thoughts and prayers to my friend karen. i've spoken about her before, mainly about the problems that she has been having with her pregnancy. she's a month a head of me (about 22 weeks), and today the worst has come. she has lost the baby.

pray for her soul to be comforted after what has been an already been a devestating few months for her. she knows that God is good and doesn't give us more than He knows we can handle...i just wish that this wasn't part of her path. pray for her husband and for their adoptive son...pray that they have the words needed so that this young boy can understand. pray for the needed comfort, support, and strength that their church home here in fayetteville can provide for them.

she's a painfully optimistic person, whose amazing faith in God is almost hard to comprehend. she's struggling right now because she doesn't understand why God needed this to happen, especially He knows her ability to love and cherish a disabled child. she knows that she wont be able to understand it now...and understands that she may never be able to.


i have this huge fear that people don't think that i'm a good mama-to-be. HUGE ANXIETY.

i dye my hair. i drink caffiene. i eat deli meat. wait...there's more.

my grandma and i ALMOST got into a fist fight last night. we were shopping at target, and i was showing her all the little baby things that i thought were cute. there were some onesies, and some jammies, that were robot print, and some more that had dinos on them. she thought they were cute if we were having a boy. we then had a heated discussion about what colors babies should/could wear.

and i about lost it. i'm tired of people making me feel bad because i don't fit into the whole "cutesy" mom stuff. i don't like the idea of having to put a child in a certain color or pattern. it's a ONESIE for crying out loud. it'll be covered in vomit and poop in about 15 minutes. and i think it's perfectly wonderful if you do dress your infant son in only brown and blue and red. and i think it's perfectly wonderful if you want to dress your baby girl in pinks and purples.

but that's not me. so why should i get more or less bitched at because i like robots and dinosaurs and trucks?

wait, there's more.

i also have this huge fear when people ask me about my diet, pre-natal vitamins, weight, when i'm due, etc.

for the record, i actually eat really well. i usually have orange juice and or cottage cheese before work, a salad and soup for lunch, and a lot of the time left overs or salad/soup type stuff for dinner. i drink a lot of water, but i also have hot tea (and herbal tea!! omg, it's lethal.), and sodas when i want one.

for the record, i stopped taking pre-natal vitamins. they made me feel HORRIBLE. i was more lethargic, sick, pissy attituded when i was on them. so i stopped taking them a couple weeks ago. i started just taking a flintstone chewable...and guess what? i'm happier in this pregnancy than i have ever, ever been.

there's more. but i'm done for now.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

the incredible shrinking pregnant chick

is no more. i've officially gained back a whopping 1 pound even. i'm still less that what i started, but it's a gain! i was actually excited to see that it had gone up a smidge. i know it's just a drop in the barrell of what weight i will gain...BUT I GAINED A POUND!!! yay!!

i'm also sort of fighting with my clothes right now. the most comfortable thing to wear for me is a bra tank, and yet, they make me look even bigger than i am. hmmm. oh well. comfort over fashion right now.

just a couple more weeks until we find out if it's a jonas or a loreli...i'm way too excited to even think about it.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

blah blah blah

1. i'm a dancing fool. i know, i know. looking at me, you'd never guess it. but i LOVE dancing in public places where you are supposed to dance.

2. with that said...i am not good at dancing. and nor do i care. i will flail my body about, and all is well.

3. one time, while out dancing with a friend, some guy dedicated a song to me.

4. that song was "i'm in love with a stripper".

5. no, i didn't look like a stripper. i was wearing shorts, a dirt-stained baseball t-shirt, pig-tails, and chucks. but he really thought he was getting somewhere with that.

6. give me a number with multiple digits in it, and i will memorize it for life. i'm like rainman in that sense.

7. i really love chinese food. especially general tso's chicken.

8. i cannot wait until i can eat raw fish again. this fake/cooked sushi thing is tasty, but nothing beats raw fish.

9. i make REALLY good sushi rolls. i can't cook many things that well (john disagrees with me), but i make the best homemade sushi that a non-japanese person can make.

10. i also make delicious tomato soup from scratch that can double as a tasty pasta sauce.

11. i am addicted to mtv's true life. i love seeing people who are possibly more screwed up than i am on tv. delicious.

12. i also am addicted to the white raspberry green tea we have at's so hot and tasty.

13. my main food aversion during this pregnancy has been beef. and that sucks because I LOVE MEAT.

14. but, after i have the kiddo, i think that i will revert back to a mainly vegetarian diet...allowing some fish, ground turkey, and chicken breast in.

15. i have a healthy respect for nutella. and by that, i mean i have to skip the aisle that it's in or i will eat it from the shelf.

16. i've been craving a peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwich for three weeks. i've held off because i don't want to go buy jam and peanut butter.

17. we turned the heat on for the first REAL time last night. i almost didn't know what to do with myself it was so toasty.

18. i like to paint. i'm not any good at it, but i've decorated my house with my paintings anyway.

19. our house is CRAZY.

20. but so are we.

Monday, December 1, 2008


small, evil being growing inside of me...let's have a heart to heart.

you had been acting wonderfully the past few days. infact...i felt BETTER than i did when i wasn't pregnant. infact!! if i didn't know i was pregnant, and felt you flutter around, and didn't grunt a little when picking up my towel from the floor...i could have sworn that you didn't even exist. i even searched the internet about the odds of having a miscarriage and no sign of it (not possible, fyi) because i was feeling THAT awesome inside and was getting seriously worried.

and then this morning, you went and just had to make a statement. at 5:35am, my little monster, you woke me up by choking me on my own vomit as i slept.

wtf. that's just screwed up. not only was it vomit, but it was the WORST kind--straight bile.


just wait til you get out of that little hidey hole you're lounging in. you are SO getting the atomic elbow, wwf style.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

tears for fears

so I'm really over the hormones I'm getting to bathe in right now.

I'm already a highly emotional person. but I would never just cry for no real reason. but watching britney spears's documentary on MTV is killing me. omg seriously. this is just stupid. it's britney spears for crying outloud. and yet I'm here, holding my dog, sobbing for her.


earlier today I cried because john said he and a few guys were going to work out at the gym at the PD after their shift. I wasn't sad bc he was going to work out, but that it would mean that many more hours each day I wouldn't see him. and I miss him already.

please let this be over before the Charlie brown Christmas special comes on tv. I already get misty eyed normally because of it...I can't fathom what it will be like pregnant.

god help us.

shift change

it's shift change weekend at johns work. usually it isn't a big deal, but this one is the hard shift change. he's going from working 10p-6a and sleeping until 3 or 4pm to working 2-10p and sleeping normal hours.

it's hard because we won't see eachother everyday, have dinner everynight like we are used to. it's hard for me, the unsocial butterfly that I am, because it means a lot of time alone at home. yes, we will sleep in the same bed at the same time...but we won't get to spend the quality time that we have grown used to. it means that we are going to be even more anti social because his days off are Monday and Tuesday night.


I know that this doesn't really matter to any of you. it's just going to be a hard two months. I can't wait until February.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

my eyes, oh god my eyes

yesterday began the much needed house cleaning that I've been putting off oh...since I got pregnant. sad, I know. but I would get off work and sleep 14 hours, and the times I was still awake, I spent with john because frankly, we don't see a lot of eachother due to work.

so we began to work. and we actually got almost all of it finished. we set up our tree (it's so pretty...everyone should come see it!) and I started a fire in the fireplace.

and then john went and bought all new lightbulbs. instead of going for our usual low wattage, he went overboard and not only bought energy saving bulbs (which I LOVE) but also got 70watt bulbs. it is so damn bright in our house that if you accidently look up into the light, your retinas burn a little. it is like looking directly at a solar eclipse, or maybe even close to looking at the face of God.

I'm not kidding. it really hurts.

I'm hoping that this era of super brightness will fade some once the bulbs are burned for a little bit. actually, I'm not hoping--I'm willing it to happen via ESP.

excuse me while I go find my sunglasses.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


this is the first thanksgiving that I haven't felt guilty for eating copius amounts of food.

monster baby, I thank you for this. I may regret it in a few hours...but right now I'll wallow in my dressing and pie afterglow a little longer.

Monday, November 24, 2008


so maybe i'm just a strangely built pregnant chick, but i've gone through what i feel like is a strange progression with clothes the past 4 months. (ack, i'm 4 months pregnant!)

pretty quickly into the pregnancy, my normal jeans would kill me and i'd have to have john lube me up with butter just to get them off because OMG I COULDN'T FEEL MY LEGS the waist band was so tight. i bought a bella band, used hair ties, got maternity jeans...

and now? and now i'm sitting here at work in my regular jeans. comfy as can be. my belly is bigger...maybe it feels okay now because it sort of hangs over my pants in that especially sexy way?

all i know is that i had to get longer shirts. when we were in okc a few weeks ago, i slept in a long sleeve shirt that was a little short and showed my belly by a couple inches. that was fine to sleep in, but when i went downstairs for breakfast, i threw on the tee i had brought to wear that day. all i know is that MORE of my belly was hanging out, and that john laughed at me when i said, "damn. that sucks."

Sunday, November 23, 2008


yesterday my mom and I went shopping so I could show her the exact crib we want and also get some more Christmas decorations for the tree. we ended up going ahead and getting the baby bedding then since there was only one left and she was afraid it may be out of stock or discontinued later. they'd buying the crib in the next couple of weeks!!! I'm really excited to see it in person--and I wish we weren't going to be moving so close to my due date becuase i'd love to be able to start getting things all set up.

I made all these pumpkin spice cream cheese filled muffins for church today. I woke up about 3am and didn't sleep again until close to six. so I completely overslept church :(. so crap. now I have a ton of muffins (but johns steadily putting a dent into them).

next weekend is shiftchange. so that means I'll only really see john Monday and Tuesday night...the other nights he will be working until 10. I'm a little sad at this, but I know I'll get used to it in a few weeks. it's the life that we have; we will make those Monday and Tuesday nights (plus any other stolen moments) extra special--with date nights and other fun things.

maybe we can move sooner...that's actually a really promising idea!

Saturday, November 22, 2008


so the baby is moving. weird. I like it but it is such a weird experience.

I spent the night at my parents' house just to hang out...and I'm going to the store in a little bit to get supplies to make some yummy pumpkin and cream cheese filled muffins.

I'm so unusually excited about thanksgiving this year. I guess I'm ready for a vacation from work, seeing family and old friends (omg Sarah applepie and Cari Anne!!!!!! I haven't seen them since the wedding, and before that it had been even longer!!).

I had a dream/nightmare that I WAS hannah montana and miley cyrus. I really hope it was because I had left it on the Disney channel when I fell asleep. if not, I'm scared for myself.

um....that's it! I had pizza for breakfast and it was beautiful.

Friday, November 21, 2008

slip n slide

SOMEONE must have installed a slip n slide in my belly overnight because my stomach is definitely moving by itself. I'm not going to point any fingers...but monster baby, let me know before you do renovations. okay?

Thursday, November 20, 2008


i'm reading the blogs of several different pregnant gals, and it's so odd to me the difference between our doctors and how they do things.

while some doctors don't let you color your hair, mine basically said "just don't drink the dye".

while some are getting ultrasounds at 14 weeks to find out the sex, ours said "i don't order them until you're atleast 20 weeks". (i'm guessing this is because if you do it too earlier on, your odds of getting a false result are greater?).

while some are super concerned with regular weight gain, mine basically said "if you lose now, that's great! it's natural. it should happen in a lot of people. you'll gain it later, i promise".

while some are nazi's about what you eat (and what will KILL your baby), mine says "eat your salami. be happy".

while some push and stress for genetic testing, ours sat us down and gave us this...genetic testing is great and necessary if you are in a certain age group, have certain serious genetic disorders in your family, are of the thought that if the baby isn't perfectly healthy that abortion is a possiblity for you. we don't fall into any of these categories, and to us, a baby is a baby. our ultrasound will be able to tell us if monster baby has deformities, spina bifida, etc. and that's all we need to know. he also explained to us that genetic testing isn't absolute. it's only 70% accurate. there are a lot of false positives...and false negatives. you wont know until the baby is here or something goes dreadfully wrong. and the risk of an amnio killing my baby--i don't think so. it's not a risk that we want to take.

while some can't guarentee that they'll be there to deliver your baby...ours does.

i'm just glad that we found to the ob that we did. he makes me feel like i'm actually not screwing this up...and that's a good thing.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


update on my friend who is due in april and sick--

she has very little amniotic fluid and the baby is growing very slowly. her last ultrasound showed some of the baby's organs and a heartrate of 170...but the baby isn't moving. at all. mainly because there isn't room to/no fluid. they've taken her off weekly ultrasounds and put her on monthly ones...her next one is dec 17th. at that point, the genetic counselor will talk to her as well.

i'm so scared for her. she's so afraid that either the baby will not make it OR it will have horrible medical issues. keep her in your thoughts, because she can't escape mine.


maybe it's just me, but i have never asked a woman if she was pregnant or when she was due.

okay, i take that back. a month ago i was trying to pick out a winter coat at old navy, and was confused about what might work for a growing belly. i asked a woman who was obviously 8 months pregnant (and who was looking at baby clothes) which coat to get.

but the past two weeks, STRANGERS have not only asked when i was due, but have also TOUCHED ME. ON MY BABY. NOT VAGINA. BUT TUMMY. without being told that i was pregnant.

i don't know you...but i for sure know several girls who always look pregnant, but couldn't be farther from it. i've heard people ask them, and they had to tell them while holding back tears that no..they weren't pregnant at all.

i guess i've just never had the balls to touch someone on their torso that i don't know, let alone assume that they are pregnant enough to ask them their due date. maybe this is supposed to be reassuring that i don't look that fat, but more pregnant? (i'm still losing weight, infact, another pound since friday...this is a trend that i could get used to. AND THEN ALL THE BABY WEIGHT WILL HIT ME AT ONCE. OMG. kill me.)

anyway...i'm just shocked at the audacity, balls, cajones, whatever you want to call it.

ps it JUST happened again. and i was told it was going to be a little girl and that i was going to be HUGE when i was at the end of it.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the place where the whitest of trash come together to bash everyone else.

except for john.
and me.


the perils of childbirth sans technology

i found out today that a friend, who is due in the beginning of april, is back on bedrest. she's been on bedrest throughout this pregnancy 2 other times, has had shingles during it, and other complications. she has to go in weekly for an ultrasound just to ensure that the baby is still alive.

i feel so many different emotions towards her--saddness that she is experiencing little joy during this pregnancy, ease that mine is going pretty smoothly except for embarrassing parking lot vomiting, and amazement about technology.

if we were in our same situations 50 to 100 years ago...her baby would be lost and if she did make it to full term, karen would possibly die during childbirth just because her body can't take the continual strain.

it kills me that i can't even begin to wrap my head around technology today. they can do a dna test on a fetus, they can perform surgery on the baby still in the womb (i watch house), they can tell you what your baby is going to look like, and the possiblity of deformities and defects.

i can barely check my email. and defragment what? where's the on button?

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I think I've reached the point in pregnancy where I look pregnant and cute.

now, I'm not trying to toot m own horn...because I'm not usually a person who gives myself praise when it comes to looks. but I feel that j have arrived. I'm still pukey, but damnit, I'm looking adorable while doing it. (um--maybe not while actually vomitting).

vanessa told me that the 5th month was the sexy month. I'm still little over a month away from that, but I'm beginning to understand what she was meaning. the libido is back, I still hate cuddling right now though, but I feel better about my body because I've finally realized what it's supposed to do; I'm beginning to get why God made me the way He did. it's embracing what being a woman truly means, not trying to hide anything, and wearing it proudly. I can't hide my ever growing stomach, and I wouldn't want to...because I was created with the mission to bring this life into the world. and I think that's beautiful.

I really hope that our monster is born on it's due date--mothers day. I couldn't think of a better gift (but john, I'm still expecting something :))

Saturday, November 15, 2008

baby baby baby

our appointment went great yesterday!

I got my flu shot (ouchies....I'm really sore today), and we got to listen to the heartbeat again...160 this time! we are in the process of scheduling our ultrasound...we think it's probably going to happen December 22nd. we really hope so, because if we get it that day, we will have them put the gender in an envelope and we will open it together on Christmas eve or day.

wouldn't that be a great gift? of course, we want them to tell us if they can't tell the gender, just so we know.

we are trying to figure out what we want for Christmas. I'm really wanting some baby stuff, but my parents and grandparents both have basically said get things for YOU--they're getting us baby things later. I guess that's a good thing...we will have plenty of time to get things for the baby throughout the pregnancy. I do know my parents are getting us the crib we want, and my grandparents are doing the stroller/baby car seat combo. I'm thinking we will ask johns parents if they wanted to get us another car seat or something else.

I'll be 15 weeks on Sunday, and am growing more each day. sleeping is getting rougher, so I really hope my parents get me the pillow I asked for for Christmas!

I thinky hormones are leveling out a little--I'm still grouchy and get impatient easily. poor john. he still doesn't realize that when I say I'm hungry or need food that it means right then. for some reason, if I don't start eating immediately after I get hungry, I get really sick.

still figuring out holidays as a police family. basically, because of johns schedule, all holidays have to be spent in this area because he will work on them (which, honestly, is okay that he works on them...I'll still get to see him most of those days). we will probably go down to russellville on the days he has off around major holidays that also work with my schedule (for example, we wouldn't go to Russellville for Christmas this year until the Monday and Tuesday after because of my schedule). minor holidays will probably just be rescheduled, and of course his family is always welcome up here for holidays if they want to see john on the actual day.

trust me, it's easier if both families either live close by or no where near you--that way no side feels like their not as important as the other side.

Friday, November 14, 2008

the ring test...

today at work we conducted the ring test to see what sex our little monster is.

it said girl for the first kid, and boy for the second.

while i completely know in my heart that this is an old wives tale...i was pretty excited. have any of you mom's tried this? you still can, no matter how old your little one is.

all you do is pop off your wedding ring (or you can use a needle) and thread string through it to make it hang about 12 inches. have a spouse or friend hold it over your wrist (or belly), with one hand on the ring to make it lay still. release the ring, and it should start moving (if you're every going to or have a kiddo). if it moves in a circle, it means girl, back and forth means boy. it will pause between each.

i actually had 3 different responses, the girl, the boy, and then a diagonal line. the lady at work who did it said they did it on her mother in law, and it showed all 13 kids she had, and in order.

i think it's pretty neat, even if it probably isn't accurate ( chinese calendar said girl too ;) ).

off to our pre-natal appointment!

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Wednesday at work I poured my first molds/created my first models in the lab. I also started the process of creating temporary crowns, but we are finishing that next week for when we have more time.

I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you that I'm completely awesome at pouring molds. it's a multiple step process, involving taking impressions from a patient to mixing compounds to gingerly applying those compounds to molds to setting the plaster to removing and using a wet saw...

completely the best day at any job I've ever had in my life.

since the offic is closed this week to patients, I let one of the other girls work the office today while I took it off. it was glorious to get to spend a day with john, going to Springdale and Fayetteville, eating yummy food, and enjoying just being together--it doesn't happen very often and is about to happen even less.

we go in tomorrow for my appt...I'm 14 weeks and will be 15 weeks Sunday. time is just flying by now; atleast it feels that way.

let's see....on Tuesday we had lunch at the mall and had to go by zales to get a new watch battery for my co-worker. the lady behind the counter asked how far along I was, and replied that I was BIG after my answer. she then bet I was having twins.

I asked her to please not wish that on me. because I'm already having dreams/nightmares about it being twins. really vivid dreams like the ones I had before I knew I was pregnant, but was in my dreams.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

our monster is an exhibitionist. it seems to find great joy in making me puke in broad daylight in various parking lots.

my name is wendy. and I puke in your friendly neighborhood parking lot.

maybe I wouldn't mind the vomitting if I was near plumbing. or my toothbrush.

thanks, vanessa!

six things about me....

1. i pretty much abhor capital letters. i just don't use them unless it's a business document. and yes, this started after a my high school long fascination with ee cummings.

2. our wedding ceremony playlist left my dad's friend saying "what the hell?"
while i don't think it's strange...maybe it is?

our parents and grandparents all walked in to "going to the chapel", the boys all walked in to "500 miles" (only one of the best songs EVER...and catchy, too), the girls all walked in to "the way i am" by ingrid michaelson, and we all walked out to "all you need is love"...

maybe we are weird.

3. while highly debated on the playground, i believed in santa claus until the year i was 8. i received no presents from santa that christmas. and then i knew the truth. my parents must have taken them for themselves because my gifts were that awesome.

4. my favorite book is "stiff" and it's about the history of the human cadaver. i like to read the chapter on medicinal cannibalism aloud when john eats chinese food.

5. my dad compulsively shuffles playing cards. he has them placed around the house in areas that he spends a lot of time in so he can shuffle while working, eating, and watching tv. my first grouping of words when i was a wee tot was "daddy's cards".

6. until i was, oh...lets say 17, i had this weird habit of actually believing that i was an olympic gymnast. i can't even do a cartwheel. but every single stinking time i was in a grocery store aisle alone, i'd perk up on my tip toes, run, pretend to hit the vault, and violently move my hands through the air to mimic how has i was spinning. and then i'd land, and ALWAYS, always i hit my end pose, arms in a V.

i stopped after my mom caught me doing this and told me that she was sure that guys watching the security cameras loved watching the chick with tourrette's in their aisle.

i promise you i'm not creepy. maybe.

lalalalala i can't hear you...

1. pregnancy has made me extra gassy.

2. because of this, i have become an expert in the art of "toot and manuvere wildly in odd patterns in a public places so no one knows it was you".

3. i just made my father proud because of it.

4. i am a kick ass wedding bouquet builder. no lies.

5. for breakfast i had cottage cheese from steak and shake...and the people rejoiced, for it was good.

6. working in an office by yourself is lonely. but i do get to catch up on my shows i miss during business hours.

7. we have our next pre-natal appointment friday at 2:40--i'm not really sure what's going on at it, to be honest. i mean...the usual pee in a cup, get weighed (woohoo?), and maybe get to hear the heartbeat again.

8. i KEEP freaking out that i'm having more than one baby, just because my belly is bigger than it should be at this point.

9. i know that's completely irrational, and that there's really like a .0001% chance there's dual monsters in my uterus...but it keeps me up at night and makes me have dreams.

10. i had the best chicken salad sandwich of my LIFE!! yesterday at stone mill bakery off gregg. yummy cranberry and walnut bread!!

11. i'm ready for thanksgiving only because i plan on eating dressing and noodles...and that's it.

12. we have two thanksgivings, back to back, down the road from each other every year. at my grandma's we have COLD turkey because she hates turkey but the best dressing in the world, and at my aunt's we have our family tradition of hand-made noodles that i could eat for the rest of my life. at grandma's, we all sit around the table and eat my aunt's, we all find the best seats around the tv and eat off our knees. i love it.

13. still losing weight (officially 15 pounds lighter since started to want to lose weight, 10 pounds since baby), but i haven't gotten sick since thursday night.

14. i totally just jinxed myself, huh?

15. i'd like to buy the world a coke.

16. every day when i get off of work, john and i play the same game. i come into our bedroom, and he hides under the covers and lies really still. every day, i make some grand gesture about how exhausted i am, and LOOK!! it looks like i have a brand new body pillow on the bed just waiting for me!! so i jump on the "pillow" and use elbows, hands, and knees to arrange it just right. and john giggles the whole time.

17. i fell asleep last night at 8:00. i woke up this morning at 5:55. now that's some sleep.

18. i'm way too excited about my tuesday night shows..we have house at 7, and then fringe at 8. and then we fall asleep.

19. i'm off on thursday and i am WAY too excited about this as well. i'm not doing anything fun, just cleaning (which is WAY over do).

20. i was going to complain about how cold it is...but then i read sarah's post about all their snow and winter stuff they're having, and opted to just say "i don't like it when it's chilly and rainy. the end."

Friday, November 7, 2008

oh, p.s.

it's official--i'm going to have a HUGE belly when i get further along. i'm already way out there, and yesterday in the shower, i looked down and couldn't see my feet. i had to lean to the side to see if the soap was off them.


yesterday as i was driving to rogers to pick up crushed cadaver bone (i have the coolest job ever!!!), i decided that i officially hated my hair and that frankly, either it needed to grow 12 inches that day OR be cut off.

so i messaged jasmine, and she cut off my hair. and i love it. it's amazing and cute and i don't have to do anything to it if i don't want to.

it's been a bit since we've hung out, and i'm thankful for that. well, didn't that sound crappy?

i meant to say that i'm thankful that she understands that i'm the person who gets EXTREME anxiety when i'm constantly around people. i can be in a busy place all day, but when i have to be grouped in the same area with people for very long, i get very smothered and overwhelmed...and i tend to freak out a little. it usually comes off as me being emotional and/or rude, but it's really me just knowing that if i DON'T get away from everyone, i will not be able to function.

i'm promise i'm not super insane.

so i'm glad for the jasmine's, the carole's, the john's, etc., who understand that about me. it may make me out of pocket here and there...but i promise i'm still there for you.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

the bedding i would DIE for. i love this bedding. i'm going to get it come hell or high water.

i'm not drunk!

last night, i got off work late. which normally is not an issue, but yesterday, my friends, i had to hurry to cast my vote for obama. so it was crucial for me to make it from my office across the street from my church in fayetteville to my polling place, 2 blocks from my house in rogers.


and so i hauled some major booty, dealing with a family emergency at the same time. i screech into the parking lot, open my car door, stand up, and proceed to PROJECTILE VOMIT EVERYWHERE.

this wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't a gaggle of old people leaving the church at that same moment.

or would be even less embarrassing if after they asked me if i was alright, i said something other than:


and then threw vomit in the air some more.

after telling this to john, he just looks at me and says,"well, now they think you are pregnant AND drunk."


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

did you know?

That Obama IS a Muslim, its been confirmed...

That if Obama wins, we all better stock up on groceries because WHO knows what will happen!!

That if Obama wins, we wont have electricity anymore (because he wants to use coal)

That if Obama wins, you better FORGET the stock market because the economy is going to crash!!!!! (but if McCain wins, IMMEDIATELY buy stock. it's going go through the ROOF!!!)

That those gays shouldn't be allowed to be foster parents or adopt (they're freaks, don't you know?? they may even turn those kids queer!!!)

these are the things i learned today at lunch with my lovely (not sarcastic...they are lovely) friends from work. i just bit my tongue and ate some more cheese dip.

God bless cheese dip on days like these.

vote for:

orange sherbet for president.

it makes me not want to vomit. therefore, it should be deemed above all others in any realm.

go sherbet go.

Monday, November 3, 2008

fast times at ridgemont high

1. i love that movie. moreover...i have a crush on sean penn. weird, i know.

2. i'm seriously over (hear that, monster fetus?? OVER) throwing up, or even dry-heaving. yup. done.

3. i think that we get to find out the sex at our December pre-natal appointment. i'll be 19 weeks at it, so it should be good to go. let's hope the best! because damnit, i need to know what this now medium-shrimp monster is.

4. still losing weight, yet...look like i've gained lots because of the now non-hiding bump.

5. still a little nervous about the idea of moving right before the baby comes. if it's in april or beginning of may, it really doesn't matter a whole lot because frankly, i'll be approximately 742 weeks pregnant, and i'll be napping and/or drinking iced tea during the duration of it. (while i sucked at planning everything else...this is working in my lazy favor).

6. my new clothes are beautiful. and my favorite thing is my new chicken shirt. i promise it's not quite as tacky as it sounds.

7. the new target opening soon in rogers makes me happy in my pants.

8. a man wearing both a pocket protector and a jamician hat just walked by. twice.

9. don't order the guitar hero snack box at kfc. to borrow john's borrowing of a jamie-ism...i was underwhelmed.

10. i need to chew better. i just swallowed 3/4s of a yellow starburst (i know...yellow..ew.) and it really didn't feel so fantastic.

11. we missed church sunday because john got off work late (like, 730 am) and worked the night before for 12 he slept in the guest room and i accidently fell asleep in the middle of getting ready for church because...well, because i suck.

12. we wont be at church THIS sunday either because we're in OKC visiting friends/being carole's grunt work for their wedding in january...the wedding in which i will be gloriously 6 months pregnant.

13. i feel guilty about missing church.

14. but, you know, i think Jesus himself took some time off or got sleepy once in a while.

15. maybe not. but atleast i don't turn over cages of birds infront of the temple.

16. john isn't joining the couples group at church after long thought...for various reasons that include things like expired vehicle tags and shift changes at work.

17. people of vintage, i beg of you, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR CAR TAGS ARE UP TO DATE. good grief...he about has a seizure everytime we pull into the parking lot. he likes to believe that Jesus would have current tags. i believe that Jesus would rollerblade everywhere. that's where we differ.

18. i also like to think that Jesus would wear a tuxedo t-shirt. because he's classy...but also likes to party.

19. i just laughed out loud after typing that.

20. where's UPS? did they move it? i drove for an HOUR today trying to find it...and i swear it moved from it's location in springdale off robinson because IT WAS NOT THERE. and i used to go there weekly. i finally decided to screw it and use FedEx. they have better marketing anyway.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

on being pregnant and pro-choice

ever since I was old enough to understand the argument of pro-life and pro-choice (my youngest recollection is around age 11), I've been decidedly pro-choice. throughout the years, the topic would come up, I'd say my opinion, and would be told that ofcourse I'd say that...I've never had a child, never carried one. just wait until you do, I was told. apparently my mind would be instantly changed.

and then I got married, and very quickly got pregnant (within the first month). and you know, while I'd die for my child, the one I'm carrying and helped create, there is no way in help that I, you, some man, or the government should be able to tell me or any woman what they are allowed to do with their body. if a woman decides that that is the route she must take, then no one can judge her but God.

I believe that there are women who abuse abortion, taking poor choices they made one night to get a quick fix. but I believe that there are other women, ones who may die because of the pregnancy, ones who have to sacrifice one baby to save another, ones who were raped, ones who were forced into incestal relationships...

I'm bringing this up becuase it was the topic at Sunday lunch with my family today. yeah, while john slept at home, I got to hear the abortion discussion. woohoo.

anyway, off soapbox. comments are probably going to be heavily monitored or closed because frankly, you have your own wonderful space to write whatever you choose there.
next weekend I'm going to okc to see carole and help her with her wedding stuff. johnny may be coming too to see zachy.

I'm so excited--it's been so long since we've hung out with real friends. actually, I think the last time was in august at their house, and we may or may not have made a baby while there.

I love my friends, and am sad that none really live here. oh weekend will be filled!

edited to add that I don't discredit the friends we have here. I like you and appreciate you (especially when we snack in your car, jaye t). there are just those friends in life that make it so easy to be yourself around them, the ones who understand when I need alone time, when to share stories, when to give support and follow through...drama free and fantastic people. and that's what I need in my life.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

good day!

today my mom and I went to target to do some shopping, and I was on the look out for maternity jeans. when we got there, she made me try on everything I thought was cute...and so I did.

I just didn't realize she was going to get it all for me. I was completely awesome and a huge surprise!

we also looked at cribs since they're getting us one, and she liked the bedding I want. we also discussed how I want to decorate our Christmas tree...I'm just getting so excited!

john and I had sushi for dinner...and ate like 2 bites before we were stuffed. so we brought it home, and I'm getting ready to break in to yet.

ooooooooo for my birthday, john got me the latest David Sedaris book, when you are engulfed in flames. he is my favorite essayist, so I was completely stoked (and halfway through the book). I'm just glad that my sedaris collection is complete again- j don't like getting behind on his stuff :)

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween part deux

I'm trying to convince john that tomorrow we need to wear Halloween costumes to dinner so that they don't go to waste since we have them, yet no where to wear them.

fingers crossed, I guess.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

why this halloween is on my craplist.

it all started yesterday morning.

john tells me he has to work halloween. which i already knew. but he was told that instead of coming in at 10pm, he had to come in at 6pm. which made us cancel my birthday dinner plans with my parents and reschedule them to thursday night, which made us have to cancel plans at garrett and jasmine's completely. i guess this is an improvement from last year's birthday, where i worked 16 hours straight, got yelled at, and was late and exhausted at my own party.

then at work (at a dental office) i lose a filling via pink starburst.

fan-freaking-tastic. so now i get to get THAT repaired, too.

then i throw up some.


then i find out that i have to miss lunch with my friends at work because i have to go pick up bitewings from a periodontist for a new patient we are seeing that day after lunch. so i grab a burger and eat in my car, alone.

i get sick some more. damn burger for being so delicious.

then i get slammed at work with phone calls/patients/information...all within a 30 minute period, where i have all three phone lines full at once at work, and two sets of dental assistants/patients lined up at the counter.

then i went home, and told john all about it. we ate chinese buffet, and carved pumpkins. mine is an "a", his is 801 (his call numbers). i got to hang out with my best friend for a date night, and get to eat dinner tonight with my family for my birthday. and and and friday john is giving me a present and birthday sex (sorry nelda).

so i like halloween a little bit more than i did the other day. but just a smidge.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I hate Halloween.

Monday, October 27, 2008


since being pregnant, I've noticed that a lot of babies in the world are ugly.

perhaps that's the opposite of the usual response from women who are expecting, but I'm being serious. call me a horrible person, but wow. not everyone has to repopulate the earth, if you get my drift. I wish that I could say that these unfortunate looking babies grow up to be physically beautiful, but that'd be a lie. and I wish I could say that the parents are usually gorgeous and it's some fluke. but you know, not so much.

I'd like to, right now, blame this offensive material on the hormones and the heartburn I'm constantly having.

and now that the apology is over, I'll continue.

I am worried, vain as it is, that our monster will come out looking like something a cat threw up. john and I are both decent looking people (okay...he's pretty. and I'm okay.) and if the baby looked exactly like me, or exactly like john, I think all would be well. but if somehow it's a mixture of us, with my fat face and a...different nose (one that fits johns lean face great)...then the kiddo is screwed. we can reasonably guess what the swamp thing will look like: pasty, white/super blonde headed growing up, light colored eyes...but after that...nothing.

but I will pray for dimples.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

yellow tastes so good

after a week of wanting to die, I've find solace in one thing.

long john silvers.

call it whatever bad words you like, but today I felt like the gods of fried food sent an angel of joy to me by directing me to the gospel of long john's.

yes, I can't tell the difference between the fish and the chicken, but that's semantics. all I know is that yellow and crispy is a beautiful combination that the world should never be deprived of. if it was Christmas time, you all may have been getting fried golden joy from me. lucky for me, it's not. I can keep it all for myself.

oh, pregnant women of the world who refuse to ingest anything slightly unhealthy...back off. you can eat your granola and bran and smile gritty smiles. as for me, I'll wallow around in my yellow love for another few minutes.

praise the baby Jesus for long john silvers.
and I'm completely not kidding.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


I'm back from my hermit hiatus. all is well.

this week the monster baby has kicked my ass. on Wednesday I was told to go home at 10:30 because after throwing up 4 times, I started to have nosebleeds. Thursday night proved no better. nor did Friday. the monster and I had a talk, and because of this week alone, they're driving a pinto for their first car. maybe a daewoo, if I feel generous.

I'm betting I'm feeling so poorly because the baby was working from being a fig to a lime, and I'm entering the promise land of the second trimester next week. all I'm saying is that this dang baby better be cute and a genius, or there will be words.

john still thinks Obama could be a candidate for anti-Christ.

my birthday is Friday (Halloween!) and to celebrate we bought me a winter coat. it's beautiful, and green, and absolutely perfect. I wear it around the house because if I was colorblind and a small French child in a boarding school, I could be madeline. I wish. for my acual birthday, we went with a friend and had sushi (all cooked) last night, am having my bday dinner at grandmas Sunday, and eating with my parents Friday night. I'm very excited about it all, mainly because I simply love all birthdays.

work is amazing, I love my office.

my husband is amazing because he brings me coco when he gets off work.

meat makes me want to die inside.

my belly is getting bigger (thanks amniotic fluid)!

and oh I quit the shelter! I'm only excited about it because I was so tired working an extra 16 hrs a week. except that the same two people call me daily to cover their shifts, which frankly is absurd. so paula and lindsey, suck it. dude, I even told the lindsey girl to her face that last weekend was my last shift. argh.

anyway, life is better. the baby is healthy. john is stinky. and all is well.

Monday, October 20, 2008

joys of pregnancy

one of the perks of being pregnant is that I don't have to pretend to like everyone.

wow, that sounded horrible. let me rephrase that.

I will surely be nice to you or almost everyone, because that's my nature. I like to be nice. but I've decided that I just don't have to like everyone. my husband and I can like (or dislike) different people, and it's great! the people I like, I love. and he people I don't like, well, I wish them well. I hope the best for them, and am glad that I personally don't have to find myself around them. they have people in their life for that, and I have people in my life for that. and everyone is much happier in the end, because I'm sure that those I don't care for probably don't care for people as well, myself included.

on a different note, but sort of similar, I miss the soon to be rose family and the soon to be stallings family. I wish that we all lived closer together instead of spread across 3 states. but thanksgiving break is coming soon, and for me, it's going to be a friends-a-palooza. from childhood friends scattered across the country to the stallings and the rose possibly some of johns friends eating with us at thanksgiving...I'm so excited!!! I've missed all of them so much, it's going to be so much fun!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

yesterday we heard our monster's heartbeat for the first time. After almost crying because he couldn't find it at first, I def burst into tears when we actually found it. It's the most amazing sound in the world.

We've decided to opt out of doing genetic testing. We don't want to know because frankly, we don't care. Our baby is our baby...god doesn't give us more than He knows we can handle.

After the appointment, I met up with jaye t and we spent a while looking at maternity clothes, munching on snacks and taco bell, and just finding general comfort in that someone else is just days apaprt from the experiences that I'm having. Sadly, tjmaxx doesn't have a momma section, and what gordmans had was exactly what was carried at motherhood, and at the same price.

My belly is getting bigger, I'm losing weight rather than gaining (and I'm not even throwing up), and I have neve felt more love for someone I've never met before.

I'm so glad that john is my partner in this. There isn't one other man I could even imagine being on this path with...I'm very lucky.

I quit the shelter last night, and asked for immediate resignation. I'll fulfill my shifts this weekend, but there is no way I can work my 40+hours a week and work both days of the weekend. It's just not feasible. And that okay.

Monday, October 13, 2008


you know, I really love my church.

It's a place that I know I won't be judged on what I'm wearing, what I look like, what I do for a living, any of that stuff.

It's a place where I can worship with my husband.

It's a place where I am excited to be.

It's a place where I don't feel guilted to be involved in every nook and cranny so I can feel like I belong. I can be apart of what I need to be apart of.

You know, I love our church.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


A baby is sort of a big deal.

I'm really glad to know two other couples that are due days apart from our little monster's grand arrival.

We get to hear the kiddo's heartbeat this Friday....and I'm so excited! I promise not to be that mother that is obsessed with everything that their child does, scrapbooks positioned in strategic places to bombard strangers with. I mean, it's a baby...our baby, even. But come on, it's a baby. It's not like it's a grilled cheese sandwich with the face of the virgin Mary on it. Now that's noteworthy.

We've decided (like 95% sure) that we are going to move when our lease is up. In may. 10 days prior to baby ETA. Nice. We're awesome at this timing stuff.

Time to stop..we are in Memphis!


we are finally home. Well, technically we won't be home until around 4am Sunday morning. But you get my drift.

Fun things you should know:

John consumed more soft serve chocolate ice cream than I knew was humanly possible.

We found out this morning that our garage door has been open for several days. We are really praying that it just acted up and did it's own thing rather than someone breaking in and taking our stuff. While we don't have much, we still don't want people to steal our stuff.

Being pregnant on a cruise ship is not that great.

I'm going to be huge whenever the baby is full term because I'm already showing crazy like.

John and I are officially old. We were in bed everynight by 930.

And there's lots more. But I stop so my motion sickness can stop.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Job changes...again.

I got a call two days ago from my boss. I am no longer the receptionist at their office. :(

Instead, her husband is going to be giving me paid training to become more or less a tooth painter. Weird and creepy sounding, I know. But basically, whenever people need a crown or false tooth, it has to be hand painted so that it can blend with the rest of the mouth.

So that's my new job. Painting teeth. He said that after a couple of years of training, I will be ready to do it alone, which means I make real money. Lots of real money.

I'm excited about the idea of being able to provide for my family in a way I'd have no other means of doing. So blessed.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I went to my first real doctors appointment this past week. I'm officially 8 weeks 3 days pregnant, putting my due date at may 10th (mothers sweet).

Everything came out great and normal while being examined, and the man gave me a piece of genius advice:

Listen to people who give advice about your pregnancy based on their own to be polite. Because most likely, yours will be nothing like theirs. Your pregnancy is different from everyone elses because it's yours. And that's all that matters.

I'm telling you, this man is a lifesaver.

I'm going back in a few weeks (this time with john) for my next appointment. Which is a big one- the heartbeat one!

I'm so excited! And even happier that we have almost nailed down the names we want for our little monster baby.

Friday, September 26, 2008


I lost my job today. My boss called me and told me that they're enrolling their daughter into pre-school, and that they couldn't afford me anymore just to watch one baby. She told me she would help me find another job. And all I could do was cry.

And cry. And cry. I explained that I couldn't work at the shelter full time because it scared me to do so while pregnant. And now, while things are tight with us both working, things were going to be impossible while not working.

And I cried some more. I had to leave because I was afraid I was going to throw up in their office lobby. I drove and drove; I cried and cried.

Around 445, my boss called me. She said that there was a position as the front desk person a their office, and it paid 15 dollars an hour, full time.

God is good and gracious to a sinner like me. I felt like I was the biggest failure, the biggest hardship on my husband. And hours later, I find out that I'm getting a new job with better pay, that's 10 minutes closet to my house, and I get to wear scrubs. I can't apply for wic anymore, but am excited about being able to help my family.

Plus, I'll make more than john. And damn, that feels good :)

Monday, September 22, 2008

on being the host for the cutest parasite ever

I never realized how glamorous the life of a pregnant woman was until now. sore boobs, achy body, extreme and constant fatigue, dry heaving in my car, puking in my church's toliets (an experience I'd wish on no one), the sexy gassiness, and already showing at 7 weeks...

yeah, this is cool.

But honestly, I can't wait until I'm huge and waddling and the desire to puke everywhere subsides. :)

Saturday, September 20, 2008


about 3-4 weeks ago, I just felt off. I felt just generally sick and like a giant pile of crap that couldn't get enough sleep. and that ended up being because I suck at math, resulting in the spawn of a little john and wendy.

yeah, we didn't see that one coming.

after the initial terror wore off, we are getting more excited each day. we go in for our first real appointment on Thursday.

it definitely has thrown a wrench in dome plans that I had for the next several months...losing 40lbs will be tough (ha ha.), and I'm going to look swell when I'm almost 6 months pregnant at Zach an caroles wedding. Green is slimming, right? And the looks of sadness john shot me last high when he read out all of the fun things we couldn't do while on our cruise in the next few weeks killed me.

but we are excited. and I'm sick. and I sleep about 14 hours a day. and work 2 jobs.

new family! I hope their toots don't smell as bad as johns. Yikes.

Friday, September 19, 2008


listening to a two year old belt out Disney songs makes any bad day go away.

I can make BBQ chicken, and it doesn't stink.

I don't work this weekend. And I'm so freaking excited!

I get to go to church sunday, but have to sit by myself because john is working. Why is it that I can eat mlby myself in resturants, watch movies alone In a theater but can't go to church alone?

I have eaten way too much grapefruit.

I haven't gained any weight that I had lost. Unfortuantely, now I'm just praying that I'm super bloated and that it will end soon.

Zach and carole still live too far away. I miss them way too much. They're just, I don't know, so easy to be around. I feel like I can actually be me...and that it's okay.

John farted when I was asleep last night and apparenty the fumes made me convulse. No kidding.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


john has finally completed field training...I could not be more proud of someone if I tried. He's worked so hard for so long to reach this goal, and starting Sunday, he will finally be out on his own. His schedule will stink for a few weeks, but I really don't care. Because in a few weeks we will be on a ship headed towards Mexico, and that's all my body needs right now. John and Mexico. And cheese dip.


sometimes people need to be told that their humor doesn't translate. hell, sometimes you just need to be told you're a bitch.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than watch wedding crashers.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

on being married to a cop...

I don't think that most people can being to understand what it's like to be married to a cop. its hard. it's stressful. I'm not talking about the bad wrap cops get for infidelity. I'm talking about sheer time.

for the majority of you, you know you will spend all major holidays with your spouse. you'll eat dinner together. you'll sleep inthe same bed at night.

let's say john makes this his primary career, and works for 30 years as a cop. because of the rotation schedule, I will spend ten years not eating dinner with my husband. I'll spend a different 10 years not sleeping with him at night. holidays will be rescheduled, as well as vacations and birthday parties.

Most of you know without doubt that your spouse will be home at the end of their day. I'll spend over 62,000 hours wondering if my spouse is safe that hour. I'll worry about occupational hazards like blowing out a knee or being shot. I'll worry for the safety of my family when he isn't there because someone knows he's a cop. I'll worry about people being afraid of us because they saw his off-duty weapon. Or someone trying to grab it and use it against him.

so the next time you get pulled over, the next time you get pissed at a police officer...remember that they're just a person doing their job so they can go home to their family at the end of the day. and you know what, go ahead and give your spouse a them how much they mean to you.

marital confusion

for those who weren't aware (which should be all of you), john and I live next door to my cousin's father and step-mother. technically my uncle, I guess...but they divorced way before I was born.

anyway, they are our immediate neighbors.

today I got an email from my cousin saying that her stepmom hasn't seen me outside in a while. so she assumed that john and I split up, because she was used to seeing me.

after laughing pretty hard, I responded that it's true, I haven't really been outside in a while. but working two jobs, and then sleeping intensely when not working sort of does that to you.

to make my prescense known, I parked my car in the driveway tonight instead of the garage. you know, just to say I was outside.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

cup of crap

this morning, as I was driving to work, I was hit with an urgent need of hot chocolate from starbucks. I didn't care if I'd be late to work... I needed it. Bad.

So I go through the drive-thru, order, and wait in line to pick my cup of joy up. Except the man infront of me was a douche and four four four!!!! times returned his drink after sipping it because it wasn't perfect. Excuse me? Did he not see me, a woman in need of my love cup, behind him? Did he really need it to be perfectly at 140 degrees?

I despise you, man infront of me. Because of you, my instant gratification was delayed. Shame on.

life of a loner

I'm an only child. Which means that most likely, if I hang out with you for too long in one setting, I'll cry after it's done because it was too much (usually only happens on larger groups).

I'm never going to be the girl who hosts dinner parties for several guests, organizes large shindigs, or loves being in super crowded places. And that's okay. I'm not supposed to be. I'd much rather be alone than do any of that.

We can safely hang out with friends in small groups or I can go to bookclub...but embarking into other realms where I'm going to be judged merely because of what I look like, what I wear, what I thank you, please. And on that note, I severely miss our amazing friends that live a state away. It incredible how much I miss them and wish that I could see them so much more often. Sadness.

I'm a relatively private person, which is why almost everything you'll read here is fluff. If I don't tell you myself or make it common knowledge, then I probably don't want you to know what's going on until then. Maybe that's rude of me, but I sort of don't care, you know? Airing out my dirty laundry isn't somethig I enjoy doing.

So what should be known about me:
I love my husband.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
And I love my privacy.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


I woke up at 525 today, and john wasn't in bed. I knew I had to get up to go to work...but I needed to find my husband first.

He wasn't in the shower orthe bathroom. He wasn't in the living room. Or the kitchen. And his car wasn't in the driveway.

And that's when I started to panic.

I ran back to the room to check my phone for missed calls...he was supposed to be home at ten and I had flashes of him being seriously injured or dead and I got so sad. And then I glanced around to the window, because in movies when you find out something horrible, usually there's a montage of sad people looking out windows.

It was then I realized how sunny it was for 530am. Too sunny, actually. Like it might not be 530am after all but rather 530pm. And then shame of my insanity creeper over me and I finished my nap.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

is this thing on?

The past few days the rain has been almost unbearable. Which means that everytime I drive, I've been facing hardcore weather.

So imagine my terror while I have been driving to hear a cricket inside my car. Yes. A cricket. For the past twodays I've dreaded having to get in my car because I hate bugs. Hate them. I've torn my car upside down looking for this stinking bug. But everytime I'm able to search it, the sound is gone. And the second I turn the car back on, he's back.

Now imagine my humiliation that it was not intact a cricket terrorizing me but my windshield wiper blades.

I'm going crazy.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

alphabet soup

I think that since I was just a wee wendy, I haven't been able to discern voices from real-life humans from those off television or movies.

When I was little, there was one day where I had been playing outside in such focus that I forgot about needing to use the bathroom. And then it hit me...with vigor. So I ran all the way home, threw open the front door, and sailed past my dad who was watching a movie in the living room.

He asked, 'Now where do you think you're going?' and I just yelled back,


After finishing my business, I walked back calmly through the house (well, as calm as a five year old can) and my dad asked me why I screamed that I had to pee. Telling it was because he asked me where I was going, he said,

'Wendy, that was John Wayne'.

This past week, I was home when a similar incident happened, and I yelled at john that I was just trying to pee and to leave me alone. And then I realized it was the tv and that john was at work.

I have yet been able to tell him this because he already thinks I'm nuts.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

wiggity whack.

I have an unnatural affinity for peanut butter sandwiches and cole slaw.

Not together, of course.

The end.

Monday, August 25, 2008


friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ear...

I've officially lost 5 pounds. It may be a small drop in the pond, but it's a start! Just like 40 more to go!

I'm proud of myself. After I loose 5 more pounds, I get to get a pedicure. After losing 20lbs I get to get my hair done. After 30lbs I get a massage. And after 40-45lbs I get new clothes.


Friday, August 22, 2008


A few days ago I gave lori (my awesome boss and momma of my flowergirl) pics from the wedding of maggie so she could have them. She sent them to her girl friends to see, and their response was that I didn't pass the nanny test because I was beautiful.

That, my friends, made my day. It's not something I hear from a lot of people, so hearing it from strangers was the best compliment ever.

I no want to wake up no more.

I am exhausted. Delirious. Tired. I want my mommy. Every morning I cry a little inside because daylight has broken once again.

This weekend is going to be delicious. Absolutely tasty. I plan on doing nothing this evening but working hard on cleaning our house tomorrow. It's definitely way too messy, so it will be good to rest tonight and get cracking on it later.

Praise the tiny baby Jesus we all know and love that I get to sleep on tomorrow. Amen.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I think I'm a sicko because I love the shelter and I sort of want to work there full time at night while I work full time during the day as well.

I'm weird. But I love the rush from working lots at different jobs because you can work for what feels forever and yet, it goes by so fast.

But I do miss john. I missed being there when he got home, already under the covers and being so excited to talk to him while he's getting undressed about his day.

Come on Saturday...snuggle day!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


ahhhhhh I start at the shelter today! I'm completely nervous, kind of the same feeling as when you are little and start school for the year.

I hope no one gives me a swirlie.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

mini vacation

this weekend was fantastic! We got to go to Oklahoma city to visit Zach and carole for their huge engagement party.

It was a long and overdue visit; we have missed them, some of our best friends, so much. So getting to spend two full days with them was perfect! We got to tell stories, catch up, wedding shop, and just generally enjoy each other. Besides them, griffin, tim, Erin, and a ton of others all came too (there were about 30 people there!)...and it was great all just hanging out and relaxing.

Sigh. I hope we get to see our friends again soon. We love them.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


trust is a crucial component to any relationship. it's the greatest feeling in the world to feel no doubt at all about the person you're in this relationship with. life is easier, better, and there's a sense of serenity and calmness.

when trust is lost, when that bond is's a slow and yucky process to get it back to where it was before the trust was hurt. it's hard and painful to put yourself back into the position where you are terrified of being hurt again. and you don't want to.

but you have to. you have to put yourself into a heart of forgiveness and put yourself out there. you have to be able to put yourself into lthe position of wanting to trust again, and being able to trust again.

if you can't or won't, there is no way that the relationship can continue-it will end right there.

God, I pray that you let me experience the heart necessary to mend broken bonds and trust again. Grant me the ability and willingness of love in my heart to forgive and begin the healing process in my relationships that are hurt and broken.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

getting the keys

so I'm starting at the shelter on Tuesday! Yay! I'm so excited, even those these first few times will be just me shadowing people.

And last night I had my favorite burger of all time along with some damn good chocolate peanut butter pie. Yum.

Monday, August 11, 2008

they did it to Jesus, and they're doing it to me!

um, I'm watching 'I wanna work for diddy', and a woman just compared herself to Jesus.

You know...THE Jesus.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


it's been a whirlwind of crap the past few days. I went in for my background check and drug test for the shelter on thursday. I was sort of shocked about how much pee they needed. Let me just say that I barely made it.

My body is less pissed off at me, and I am quite glad that I wasn't pregnant (as was the assumption of several people). it's just not the right time for it for us.

Um, ooooooo we are going to Oklahoma city next weekend for Zach and carole's engagment and graduation party. We are so excited to see our friends, and can't wait to celebrate with them!

We baby-sat our friend's dog for the past two weeks, so he is buying us a night's stay at a hotel that has safari cats at it! He didn't say what it was called, but I bet that it's at turpentine creek! Exciting!

Monday, August 4, 2008


If anyone ever doubted it, let me just tell you that my husband is the sweetest man I know.

About an hour ago, I thought was dying. I was vomitting, fever, intense headache-the works. I come into our room because I didn't know what to do, I hurt so bad. I start babbling about the pain and puke and wanting to know where the drill was so I could relieve the pressure from my brain (and I was serious). John wakes up, takes me in his arms, and puts my head on his chest. And we laid there, him rubbing my temple and kissing the top of my head while I calmed down and the pain lessened.

If I had ever not felt complete love from him, this erased every speck of it.

In other news, I made blueberry muffins from scratch. They did not suck at all.

And I go in thursday for my background check for the shelter.

Sunday, August 3, 2008


We ended up not going to russellville this weekend.

So instead we've stayed home and been lazy.

Psst. Can I tell you a secret? We're skipping church tomorrow. I feel bad, but church planting in thailand ranks right up there with stirrup pants in my book. They both leave me wanting to pick at something, and make me completely distracted.

Ill go say like, 40 hail marys as I watch a cops marathon, okay?

Saturday, August 2, 2008


I went to walmart today to print off wedding photos. I was completely stoked to see that there was a kiosk where you can do it yourself-and the pics print out instantly!

Unfortunately, as I approached, a man who looks like the dad carl winslow from family matters, intervened. In his 'kodak' polo, he felt it necessary to show me how to do EVERYTHING. Everything. And yet, he had no clue how to work the freaking machine.

After 45 dreadful minutes, he left me alone...just in time for the country music concert that started 5 feet from me.

I wish I was kidding.

Only in arkansas will you just be wanting to print some damn pictures to be interrupted by a country concert in the middle of wal-mart.

Just shoot me now.

Friday, August 1, 2008

diet lifestyle

Ahh, food, how I love you. But you stick way too well to my butt and thighs. So things must change!

The biggest change is going to be meat. I'm going to have 2 meat proteins a week (one being on sundays, the other at my discretion). The other meals will have plant proteins, be it soy related (a complete protein) or combos of several incomplete proteins to get the balance correct.

I'm starting to physically measure out food to correct portion sizes. Did you know a serving size of strawberry yogurt is 8oz? That's a lot of food. (That was my lunch yesterday). And it was only like, 200 calories.

That's another thing. Calorie counting. Its so easy to do. I'm not adding up exact numbers, but getting close. Yesterday was a low calorie day bc I felt like throwing up most the day, so I was around 1000. Too low, especially considering I worked out too. Today I'm feeling good though, so I'm probably looking at 1500 to 1700. Low still, but not bad low.

Also, did you know 1 mile of walking is burning about 100 calories?

I'm just so excited to really be ready to do this. So I'm going to bore you, but about once a week ill probably update at how I'm much weight lost, am I going crazy without cheetos, did I hijack an ice cream know, the usual.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


I've been thinking for a while about what drives us, what makes us value and desire certain things over others.

And I'm completely confused, just as much (or more so)than I was in the beginning.

There are these standards that we somehow have contrived in our heads that drive us daily.

For me, the union of marriage is huge. Divorce isn't an option-if there's a problem, there will be some sort of positive solution. I believe that if there was ever anything that could ever lead to that even being a sidethought, that john and I could come together and talk about it, about our concerns, our wishes, our issues, and we would resolve it as a team. Make a plan, get outside help if needed-but as a team.

There's also quiet. I value quiet spaces (that don't have to be audibly silent-music can be blaring, whatever) where I can just regroup and compose myself.

I value, desire, whatever you want to call it, support. Its so reassuring to know that if you're doing something hard, there's someone rooting for you, teaching you, loving you as you go on.

I respect unconditional love. I hold the people that I love like this in a higher place than I do others.

What do you value?


I seem to have completely pissed my body off. Last night I didn't sleep. Not one freaking minute. I spent it throwing up, other stomach yucks, watching march of the penguins 1.5 times, and working out. I read half a book (a BIG book...I read 236 pages of it),drove around the neighborhood to see if it was safe enough to ride my bike at 245am (and deemed that a negative), and stared at the back of johns head until it was time for him to FINALLY wake up at 430am. Let me tell you...I have never been that excited for 430am in my life, because then I atleast had someone to talk to besides myself.

So far I've been asked twice if I'm pregnant (that's a huge negative).

I finally fell asleep about 630am, slept on and off until 1030 or so, and then went grocery shopping because I'm starting a new me. What I like to call the 'best version of me'.

My goals in this include, but aren't limited to the following:

-major weight loss. I've gone back and forth about how much I want to lose, what size/weight I felt the healthiest all around at, and have determined a number. Its a HUGE number (somewhere around 40 pounds).
-be more secure.
-have a positive attitude whenever possible, but don't shut out feelings that aren't super positive.
-exercise. Lots.

If I become focused on these things, I know without certain I can obtain them. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

theys be goin' woo woo!

The furniture painting went well. Little did john know that when he left this morning that the furniture we primed last night to be painted brown today would end up being aqua and mint green.


I love that he trusts me enough to do wacky things like that-like painting furniture and not being real clear about what color it may end up being.

I'm a-thinking that thursday if the weather doesn't suck, jasmine, baby i, and I will go swimming at the bosses' pool. And on friday, I'm thinking about going over to nicole's to play wii :) my partner in crime.

We found a poster in my great granma's furniture that we acquired (and painted today). It stated 'america needs nixon/agnew now!'

My life is a little brighter after 'bookclub' (that really was just gabbing bc low turnout and rescheduled to next wednesday). Ahh...I love having a church where I can just be ME and be accepted. Its a completely new feeling,

I love john.

The end.